Let’s forget about coaches on the hotseat, we’re talking schools now. Here’s some schools that are going into the 2024 football season with a lot of pressure on them for decisions that they have made and the decisions they have allowed their coaches and staff to make.
Ohio State
Ohio State has assembled a team that has cost the school millions in NIL deals and proclaimed itself as the most talented team in all of college football. They are one of preseason top rated teams and are the team to beat in the Big 10 this season.
After two consecutive losses to Michigan, their biggest rival, the loss of many of Michigan’s players as well as their coach almost assures that there are few teams in either their own conference or for that matter, any conference that should be able to stand in their way of having the phenomenal season they think they will have.
So what happens if it all doesn’t pan out? It’s not just the coach who will be on the hot seat, but the school and future coaches as well. How can they sell their school as a winner when they pay out this kind of money, nab top players from other schools, and start out as the team of the century and not win it all?
Colorado
The Deon Sanders experiment could not have started off better, but as the season went on, those first three wins was just about all there was to that hire because they eight of the remaining nine games last season were lost, despite assembling a decent team.
This season there has to be more success, much more. There’s little room for excuses now. Everybody is entitled to a so-so season, but now it’s put up or shut up time in Colorado. Are they going to be a team of destiny like they thought, or just return to that other ho-hum team from Colorado?
Teams, coaches, social media posters, and the media will have a field day heaping puns on them if all this goes wrong. This season, with Texas and Oklahoma gone from the Big 12, big things are expected from the Buffs this season to offset last year’s 4-8 record.
If they don’t work out, the school and especially the man who hired him, will look foolish. Yes there’s a lot of pressure for Colorado this season, an awful lot of pressure.
Auburn
Like Colorado, the Hugh Freeze move was supposed to be a big one. Instead, they went 6-7 with the six wins coming against only the worst opponents in the SEC and a Div. II team. There was really nothing to hang their hat on last season. But everyone is entitled to a so-so first year.
Yet if Freeze has a bad second year, especially after a good recruiting season bringing in new talent, the school will soon be actively looking again and Auburn will resume its title as the school that keeps paying coaches to sit on the couch at home with millions in their pockets.
Auburn is trying desperately to shed that terrible reputation. They are really banking on this Freeze experiment to pan out.
Texas and Oklahoma
Let’s just lump these two together, because the reasons are all pretty much the same. Did they do the right thing in joining the SEC or will they be shown to be just a couple of middle-of-the-road teams in the conference?
Texas had a great year last year and is a front-runner for one of the top teams in the country this year. Oklahoma beat Texas last season, but then unexpectedly got hammered in some games they shouldn’t have lost.
So what happens if the SEC schedule week in and week out is too much for them to bear? I can already read the memes on social media. Boy, will the Texas and Oklahoma haters have a field day making fun of them with jabs like, “Welcome to full-time big boy football.”
Yes, there’s a lot of pressure there for things to go right. If they get off to a rocky start in the SEC, it could affect recruiting for the future, and that could only compound their problems.
Alabama
Alabama has been the Gold Standard in college football yet again since Nick Saban raised his first of many national championship trophies over his head. No school has ever come close to the kind of success that Alabama has enjoyed during that time.
Few ever thought that Alabama could catch lightning in a bottle for a second time following the “Bear” Bryant years, but they did. Now it is not wanted, but expected to happen again.
The hire of Kalen Deboer was questionable to many Alabama fans. Many felt his “pedigree” wasn’t up to Alabama standards. If indeed, Deboer bit off more than he can chew by accepting this position, then the school and AD Greg Byrne will feel the heat.
Again, everybody has the right to a less-than-stellar first year, but a less-than-stellar season at Alabama would be other schools’ dream season. Plus, future recruits are looking to see if Alabama will be Alabama of old. Even a shaky first year may cost the school some big-time names.
It is almost a foolish thought for Alabama to keep “Rolling” as it has in the recent past, but then this is Alabama, where magic has not only happened before and then twice, and could again. Still, there’s pressure to see if lightning can strike the same place a third time.
Larry Burton has been writing for over 20 years, has been a credentialed writer for Alabama, and has been published in almost every college football venue. After being in the pressbox for years, at 66 years old he was going to retire from writing completely, but is going to add a few more thoughts to that book. You can follow him on Twitter/X at: https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
Alabama fans were sure of two things twice in their storied history. That it was going to be tough to replace Paul “Bear” Bryant and Nick Saban when they retired. They were afraid both would mark the end of a dynasty.
In the first case, it did for a while and let’s compare the logic behind the hires of coaches that followed these two men.
Following Bryant there came Ray Perkins. Bryant knew that whoever followed him would be picked to death and he thought Perkins could handle it. Perkins was to coach a few years and then return to the NFL and then the next coach would take over.
Bryant had talked to Bobby Bowden and Bowden had agreed to come and coach the Tide, but because Alabama fumbled that by making Bowden submit to a silly interview process, he said no. This all came after Perkins’s firing. Who knows what Bowden could have done with this team.
But looking at Perkins, he was a “Bear” guy and that’s what the fanbase wanted. The problem was, that Perkins was a lousy head coach in the NFL with only one winning season and never finished higher than third in his division in that one winning year. He was not a winner by any stretch of the imagination. But he was a native son and a “Bear” guy.
He finished his time at Alabama with a 32-15-1 record, the highlight of which was his last season where he won 10 games and finished second in the SEC.
After fumbling Bowden, Alabama decided on Bill Curry to be the next coach. Fans hated him, he wasn’t a “Bear” guy and not one of “us”. Despite this, in his three years at Alabama, he posted 7-5, 9-3, and a 10-2 record including an SEC Championship and coach of the year honors.
However, the fanbase still hated him because he never beat Auburn and wasn’t a “Bear” guy. Someone even threw a brick through his office window. When Alabama came to him for a contract renewal they fumbled it badly and made him feel not wanted. They wouldn’t allow him to hire and fire staff and they offered no raise. He quit.
What did he and Perkins have in common? Neither had ever been a winning coach. His prior head coaching job was a Georgia Tech where he only posted three winning seasons including a 6-5 campaign and a 6-4-1 season. His winning percentage was far under 50% which left the fanbase scratching their heads about how he even got the job.
Bama fans demanded another “Bear” guy to come in and Gene Stallings was talked into the job. Not only was Stalling one of Bear’s “junction boys” at Texas A&M, but he had been an assistant to Coach Bryant as well.
But his coaching record was abysmal. In seven years at Texas A&M, his record as head coach was a pitiful 27-45-1. His NFL coaching record was about the same, in his four years with the Cardinals, he never had a winning season. This marked the third coach without a winning pedigree behind him.
However Stallings did manage to get Alabama back in the limelight and he never posted a losing season at Bama in his 7 seasons there. He finished his time there with a 70-16-1 record including a 1992 National Championship. But he left the program in shambles following an NCAA investigation that caused him to step down.
Then came Mike Dubose. He had no winning record because his first head coaching job was at Alabama, but he was a “Bear” guy and a Stalling’s guy too. The keys to Alabama should never have been handed over to a man who had never been a head coach before. And indeed it was both Alabama’s and Dubose’s undoing. The job went to his head, he was caught in a scandal with his secretary and was caught lying about it to the administration as well.
He only had one good season where he won an SEC Championship and coach of the year honors, leading Alabama to a 10-3 season in 1999. The rest of the years were not so good and Dubose finished his career at Alabama with a .500 record.
Like Stallings, Dubose left the program in NCAA troubles and that mired the next man coming in from doing all he could do.
The good thing to come out of that hire however was that Dubose’s failure got Bob Bockrath fired as athletic director and Mal Moore put in his place. Moore wanted to hire a winner and he didn’t have to be a “Bear” guy. It was all about getting someone with a winning background.
So in comes Dennis Franchione, with the school on probation. Except for one stop in New Mexico, where nobody has really ever won, Franchione was a proven winner and was considered the “Master of the turnaround”. In fact just before his hire at Bama, he turned the TCU Hornfrogs from chumps to a 10-1 team and a powerhouse.
In two seasons despite being ineligible for a bowl game the second year due to the NCAA probation. He went 7-5 the first year and 10-3 the next and had indeed “turned around the Tide” where they were predicted to be a powerhouse in the next season.
But Franchione was enticed by Texas A&M to leave Alabama for a huge contract to become their coach and the Tide was sent looking again.
Mike Price was hired to become the next coach. He was hired from Washington State who had no reputation of being a winner, but under Price made it to two Rose Bowls and three 10-win seasons. The thought from Moore was that if Price could do all that with an underachieving team, he could do wonders at Alabama.
However, he was fired before he even coached one game for dalliances with a hooker at a strip club.
With little time to find a replacement before the season started, Moore turned to a former Alabama quarterback and NFL assistant coach, Mike Shula, son of coaching great Don Shula of the Miami Dolphins NFL team to take the reigns.
Several players left the team before the season started and Shula had a tough first year losing so many close games in the fourth quarter. Shula’s hire was a last-minute move as all the good coaching hires were already locked in for the next season.
In four years, Shula posted a 26-23 on-field record despite severe NCAA restrictions and penalties including one 10-win season that ended with a Cotton Bowl win. But with player defections, NCAA penalties, and more he finished his last season at 6-6 and was terminated.
Moore was now intent on hiring the best, the most winning coach he could find and he went after Nick Saban hard. The school put a lot of pressure on Moore to make a quick hire and not have to hire a coach just before the season started like they were forced to do with the Shula hire. Offers were made and thankfully turned down and Moore simply kept trying to talk Saban into the job, but Saban was intent on honoring his contract to Miami. So Moore went to work on Saban’s wife, Terry, who knew Nick wasn’t enjoying his NFL job as much as he did his college coaching days. Finally, the owner of the Dolphins, Wayne Huizenga told Saban he knew he wasn’t happy and that if he really wanted to leave it would be OK, so Saban finally said yes at the end of the NFL season. The rest is history.
Moore saw that hiring a winning coach was much more important than where he coached, what his coaching pedigree was, and if he had any ties to Alabama. Moore knew winners keep winning.
When it came time to make this hire Greg Byrne knew from his own good judgment, his own past hires, and the wisdom of Mal Moore to only go after a proven winner and he picked DeBoer, who had been a big winner at every stop along the way to Alabama.
Saban and DeBoer have a lot of important things in common. Neither had coached in the South until their first jobs there, but we know how that worked out for Saban and I suspect it will for DeBoer. Both had championships before coming to Alabama. Both are men who build around a team concept and are both excellent builders of players or in other words, are men who can “coach ’em up”. Lastly, both men came to Alabama hoping it would be the last stop in their coaching journey. It’s not a stepping stone to a bigger job.
DeBoer, in his first speech to the Alabama nation, said as much when he said, “There is only one job I would have considered to take me away from Washington, and it was Alabama.” Both men saw Alabama as the pinnacle job for a college coach.
As one of the old men writing college football stories, I know my history. It was my greatest fear that Alabama would revert to their old ways and demand a “Saban man” be hired to try and keep the past glory alive and glowing with the same old ways and as little change as possible. I wrote many articles warning the fanbase of that position. It was good to see that this didn’t happen and history repeated itself with a hire that was only based on winning, not pedigree.
Now Tide fans only hope that it garners the same results.
You don’t know Ryan Williams? Well you should, especially if you’re an Alabama fan. Rivals calls him the best receiver in the state, and one of the top pass snaggers in the country. He was a big target for Alabama to land for several reasons.
First of all, the need was there with Isaiah Bond transferring to Texas through the rash of recent portal exits. He was going to be a gamechanger and a play maker wherever he went. Scouts said he would be a sure NFL prospect one day.
But the main reason the Tide, and in particular, Kalen DeBoer needed him was the same reasons Alabama and Nick Saban needed to sign Julio Jones at the start of the Saban era. In short, it legitimized both the team as the “Monster being built” in college football, and it legitimized Nick Saban as the recruiter who could pull in the big names. After Jones, Saban never looked back and every year either had the best or one of the best recruiting classes in the country. If you were one of the best, this is where you came.
Williams wasn’t sold on the coaching change at Alabama at first. He had some serious recruiting from Auburn and other schools were ringing his phone off the hook. He decommitted from the Tide and it looked bad for the Tide and everyone in football knew it.
But he finally met DeBoer and recommitted and once again, everyone in football knew it, and taking great notice was a lot of recruits who were still making up their mind.
What it showed is that DeBoer can hold the state’s top recruits as his own and that a top athlete that could have gone anywhere saw the Crimson Tide as the place to be.
It is my opinion the DeBoer will pull another Saban trick, and hit the areas outside the state just as hard. Saban early on started pulling top players out of the fertile Louisiana, Florida and Georgia areas.
If that happens the fans who were scared of DeBoer’s “knowledge of the South” in recruiting would be his undoing should take a breath and look at the current recruiting standings for next season. According to Rivals, Alabama has the number two recruiting class in the country as of the start of this week.
Believe me, the blocks are being laid for the foundation of the DeBoer championship run, and years from now, folks will look back on the Williams recruitment as the ball that got it all rolling just as they do now when they look back on Saban landing Julio Jones.
Larry Burton has been writing for over 20 years, been a credentialed writer for Alabama and been published in almost every college football venue. At 66 years old he was going to retire from writing completely, but is going to add a few more thoughts to that book. You can follow him on Twitter/X at: https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
Once a coach leaves a team, players have a 30-day window in the portal to seek other opportunities. When Nick Saban announced his retirement, the floodgates opened and some players decided to seek other teams or a bigger payday. With that time running out, the pendulum swings the other way now as other coaches leave and Alabama can add players from those teams and the pendulum which swung so badly for the Tide, now swings its way.
To see what’s happening, who they’re adding, and what may happen, keep reading.
Once Kalen DeBoer accepted the Alabama job, the pendulum swung in Washington and players there began eyeing the possibility of joining their coach at Alabama and some have already made it known. Some will be godsends to the Alabama program and fill important voids from recently departed Tide players.
No one who loves the Crimson Tide knows the team needed a good center. With starting center Seth McLaughlin a starter all season kept having trouble with snaps all season it seemed, his leaving now seems like a great thing to fans. It opened the door for Washington’s brilliant center, Parker Brailsford, to come in and give the Tide a great center for a few seasons to come. At least to this old writer, that seems like a trade I’d make every day.
Brailsford, as just a freshman, made second-team All Pac 10 honors and was part of the highest-rated offensive line in all of college football.
They also got Washington’s freshman quarterback, Austin Mack, who will add important depth to the quarterback room, especially since Alabama lost one of their backups in the portal, Julian Sayin to Ohio State in the portal. Neither player saw action as a freshman for either team. Sayin was a more highly recruited player, but with a 6′-6” frame and a great winning pedigree, who knows what the ceiling may be for Mack.
We all know the value of Isiah Bond, Alabama’s talented receiver who made the biggest catch of the year in the famous “Grave Digger” play against Auburn to win the game. He left in the portal, but Alabama pulled in another Washington player, Germie Bernard, a gifted wide receiver that may fill the hole left by Bond. Bernard was expected to be one of the Huskies’ main receivers this coming year.
You can be sure there are more to come in the portal, though lips are tight on which targets they covet, you can bet that they are great ones.
Now I won’t go into who is being recruited from high schools. Anything can change until they show up on campus, but according to “experts” Alabama is behind only Georgia in the race for the next best class.
It was very clear what an impact first-year starters made on the Alabama team this past season. They may once again dip into first-year starters for help and once again it may be ready to supply it again.
As for the new coaching staff, “experts” around the country are saying it is one of the best of any of the Division One teams. That pendulum swung swell for the Tide and the remaining players seem to feel the same way.
In fact, Matrix Analytical college football analyst Dave Bartoo said, “Kalen DeBoer was the highest graded coach in 2023 and that the staff Coach DeBoer has constructed at Alabama is trending to be the highest graded on-field coaching staff in the country.”
Now we wait to see what coaching changes at other schools such as Michigan, Tulane, Middle Tennessee, UTEP, South Alabama, Arizona, and others will do to players who wish to be looked over. Then as new jobs get filled and other coaches leave their present jobs to take them, they too will have people to look over and our staff is doing a good job at getting the talent they need.
By the time spring rolls around, the overall effect of the portal losses should wind up not near as frightening as fans feared, and with the quality of the core that Alabama retained along with the great commitments coming in, it’s easy to see why people feel this next version of the Crimson Tide will certainly be a contender.
DeBoer was asked about the mood of the team and he said he was proud of how they are “buying in” to his vision of team building. The more I study this man, the more I’m convinced the powers that be in Tuscaloosa got the right man. The more I study the staff he’s put together, I see a crew that can not just recruit, but teach and “coach ’em up”.
But you can’t win with X’s and O’s, you win big games with Jimmies and Joes, and Nick Saban did not leave the shelves bare in Tuscaloosa and this new coach and staff are making sure that these shelves stay stocked with the same quality they are used to. At sixty-six years of age, I’ve seen more than my share of the Tide’s teams come and go, and rarely does my gut feeling of the capabilities of the team get overridden by Homerism, and I think this team is going to be one we’ll all enjoy watching and we may like the results as the season gets underway.
So the pendulum is indeed swinging, but contrary to what some fans and people who wish bad tidings to the Alabama team wish to believe, it may end up swinging Alabama’s way in the end.
(end of story)
As an experiment, I wish to see how many of my friends will post this story on a page they belong to. Thanks.
Larry Burton has been writing for over 20 years, been a credentialed writer for Alabama and been published in almost every college football venue. At 66 years old he was going to retire from writing completely, but is going to add a few more thoughts to that book. You can follow him on Twitter/X at: https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
Yes, the Bama Nation has a few Chicken Littles in right now, but I can assure them, that the sky is not falling in Tuscaloosa on the Crimson Tide.
Yes, losing Saban was a shock to many, but he is 72 years old and deserves a rest and some quality time with his lovely wife. We all knew the Tide would lose him sooner or later. And the players that are off seeking bigger paydays through the portal don’t mean an end to the Tide. Just like Saban, we all knew that sooner or later we’d lose them too, just to early draft in the NFL or graduation.
This is college football and nothing stays the same year in and year out. This is just more change than this fanbase is used to and for them, that’s a shock.
But this is Alabama, the place that coined the phrase, they don’t rebuild, they reload.
This is the place that has had a champion crowned in the 20s, 30s, 40s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, 2010s and 2020s. No one else has done that, no one else may ever have a legacy such as that. Tuscaloosa and the Crimson Tide are a unicorn, a thing of legend and wonder. There have been times when they were down, but they were never out. Nor will they ever be.
Some people chase paychecks, good luck to them. That is the crazy world that NIL has created. But there are still true-hearted men who chase greatness, and just like they always have, they will be attracted to Alabama.
DeBoer and his staff may still have some things to prove to doubters. I remember folks saying that Saban was a one-hit wonder with his championship at LSU, yet it all worked out as we all so well know. DeBoer has multiple championships and while the naysayers say it was “second tier” championships, it was Paul “Bear” Bryant that famously said, “I ain’t nothing but a winner.” So far in his career, so is DeBoer.
I do not know this new coach personally, have never interviewed him or even shaken his hand yet, but I’ve done so much research into his life that I know a little bit of the metal of the man. To that end, I can assure you that he’d rather have a team chasing greatness with a united goal-oriented team than half a team doing that and the other half chasing the biggest paychecks or personal notoriety. And I know the men who are remaining on this team are doing so for all the right reasons.
The news is upsetting to fans because of the inane rules that govern the transfer portal. Right now the portal works against the Tide. Any team can poach any player on our roster now and induce them with whatever NIL deal they can come up with. But right now, that water is only flowing one way for the most part. Alabama can not add players through the portal right now, unless, like Alabama, their coach has just left his job at their school.
But when open season with the portal begins again, you can bet your bottom dollar that Alabama will have players lined up to look over to plug the holes they are losing right now. Alabama in the past has always been the recipient of the good things that can come from the portal and they will again. But now and for a little while longer, it’s going to be more one-sided against them.
Even with this drain from the portal, this team remains one of the strongest in the SEC and still remains a team favored to make next year’s playoffs. They still have amazing recruits lining up to become future stars and as we just discussed, the portal will soon swing back open for Alabama to add even more firepower.
The fans of the Crimson Tide need to be like the fans from all the decades back to the 30s, who didn’t look back and long for the glory Alabama had in the ’20s but were looking toward the future to write their own glory “In Crimson flame” as it says in their fight song.
My advice to the fanbase is simple, put away your fear and doubts in the present and look forward to what lies in front of you. Have faith in your school, have faith in its legacy, and take pride in the fact that this is not a normal place. This is Tuscaloosa, Title Town, the pride of the Southland. Our time has not come and gone, our time has been going forward since 1925 when Alabama shocked the world for the first time and beat an “unbeatable” and in present day, ironicly, the University of Washington.
So no Chicken Little, I assure you the sky is not falling, we are simply waiting for the dark skies to part and bring yet another inevitable championship. You should not be less optimistic than the other 20 decades of fans who saw a champion crowned.
Larry Burton has been writing for over 20 years, been a credentialed writer for Alabama and been published in almost every college football venue. At 66 years old he was going to retire from writing completely, but is going to add a few more thoughts to that book. You can follow him on Twitter/X at: https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
What I hope our new coach said or says to the Alabama team…
I just left the best job I ever had to come here because this is Alabama and if you’re the best, think you’re the best, or want to be the best, this is where you come.
You may have doubts about me, I get it. I may have doubts about you as an individual, I don’t know you either. But what I don’t have doubts about is that this is Alabama, the holy grail of college football, it’s a winner, and if each of us lives up to our potential, then it will continue to be a winner.
If good enough is good enough for you, clean out your lockers, we’re not going to get along. To quote the greatest coach I’ve ever seen, and you all know who that is, “High achievers don’t like mediocre people and mediocre people don’t like high achievers.”
Folks, life is like a book, I just closed a chapter in my book and so did you when you ended the last season of where ever you came from, whether it was here or someone else.
No one writes the next chapter in your book but you. What your next chapter says and how your book ends depends on choices you make and things you do. It depends your actions and the actions of the people you decide to be your colleagues, and the people you choose to be around you.
That book will last beyond your lifetime, beyond any money you may make and be will read, good or bad, by the generations that will come after you.
I want every man in this room to be part of my book and I want to be part of yours. I want our tales to be told in the future that like the ones they’ll tell about coaches and players who were here before us.
I am going to give you 100% to make that happen and all I ask is for you to do the same.
They say that history can never be brighter than the glory days that have just passed. So to whoever “they” are, I say, You aren’t writing this book, you don’t have a say in how it’s written and you don’t know shit! I can’t wait to see how see how these stories continue. Nothing’s over, we’re still going to add our own chapters and have our own say in that book.
Starting today, we start writing. Are you going to be in our books? Are you going to be part of the next chapter? That’s a yes or no question and deserves a yes or no answer. I had to decide where my next chapter would be written and here I am, ready to give you all I have. Are you all in too?
(end of speech)
If he gives this speech, his men will walk through walls for him.
Larry Burton has been writing for over 20 years, been a credentialed writer for Alabama and been published in almost every college football venue. At 66 years old he was going to retire from writing completely, but is going to add a few more thoughts to that book. You can follow him on Twitter/X at: https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter
I have been a sports writer for over 20 years, but I’ve been an Alabama fan since I was a kid, and like most Alabama fans when I heard DeBoer could be a target for Alabama, I didn’t see it or like it. He had no SEC ties, hasn’t even played against Alabama and hasn’t really got a clue about Alabama culture. But the biggest knock I had on him was he’s not recruited in the area like we all know he’d have to. He has few inroads and contacts “down here”. His whole career has been “up North”.
But why Alabama and even Saban likes the guy is simple. To coin a phrase from another Alabama legend, Paul “Bear” Bryant, “I ain’t nothing but a winner.” And DeBoer is a winner and has been everywhere he’s been.
As for the shortcomings, at least as I see them, and I’m certainly not a coaching expert, can be remedied by one simple statement I heard Saban make this week. He is going to keep an office in the stadium and maintain some sort of role with the University.
That means it’s in Saban’s plan to continue to contribute in some way to help keep Alabama in the forefront of college football. This doesn’t mean showing up at practices and sticking his nose in, and being “in the way” as a new coach tries to make this program his own. What it would mean is that Saban could guide him in and maybe even do some recruiting trips with him and help with making contacts and inroads into recruiting, something Saban certainly knows something about.
But recruiting is becoming less and less about knowing the high school coaches and the programs to watch and more about being a negotiator with prospects and their parents on NIL deals. Something both coaches have learned to deal with in the last couple of years.
Saban believes in his heart that while NIL money is important, so is Alabama. Alabama is the gateway to the NFL and Alabama is a legendary school that has always attracted the best. Saban can coach him how to sell Alabama, which boosters to kiss up to and give a better “lay of the land” program than a new coach could learn on his own in years. Saban may also land money to be used in the NIL program here. He has developed such a network of folks who would still take suggestions from Saban to be a part of the program.
And that may be all the help an “outside” coach may need who has the “winning ways” that DeBoer has.
Put this together with DeBoer’s history, work ethic, and knowledge of football and now I can see how this would work and why it’s so appealing to the power brokers at Alabama.
It’s also why it may be interesting for DeBoer to consider. That and a salary that should double his 4.2 million dollar base salary.
DeBoer has just signed up with Jimmy Sexton, agent for Saban and so many other SEC coaches. This can’t just be a coincidence.
Years ago, I wrote an article on the troubles I hoped we’d not face when Saban retires. I hoped that the backers wouldn’t demand a “Saban Man” as previously was done when Bryant retired. Then it had to be a “Bryant Man”. That led us through many hires that just didn’t work out.
Mal Moore was able to see that we didn’t need a “Bryant Man” to bring back the winning ways, we simply needed a winner and Saban was that man. Remember, Saban hadn’t coached “Down South” until he went to LSU, where he won a championship.
Apparently, the powers that be now realize that a “Saban Man” isn’t a necessary requirement. And they know more than most of the fanbase who like past ones, really wanted a student of Saban to grab the reins.
I can not only go along with Deboer, should he accept the job, but would be happy to see if winning ways continue at Alabama.
Even the most hard-put, stubborn fan can’t look at that history and disagree with one sure fact, at least up to now, he ain’t nothing but a winner and if he’s picked I’d be happy.
Larry Burton is a semi-retired college football writer who now just writes when the mood and the stories present themselves. He has been published by almost every college football media source. You can follow him at twitter/X at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter.
Most avid football fans know he is the head coach of the Oregon Ducks, one of the major jobs in college football. Most may not know it’s his first gig as a head coach, where he’s from, and what his coaching tree is. So here we go.
Lanning played for a small college team, in his home state of Missouri, at William Jewel College. He played linebacker there and was never a major college or pro prospect. It was coaching in his blood, not playing that was Lanning’s main focus.
So following his playing days in college, in 2007 he started his career as a lot of young coaches do in the high school ranks. Park Hill South High School in Kansas City Missouri was where he went and he did lots of jobs, coaching different positions and learning coach/player interactions. But his burning desire was to coach in Division One football at the college ranks so after leaving his high school coaching day behind, he did what so many other do, he became a graduate assistant at Pittsburg under Todd Graham.
Graduate Assistant is the flunky of college coaches but it’s crucial to building the foundation of a coaching career because you may be asked to do so many different things. As of 2024, a typical graduate assistant makes about 20 bucks an hour, so it’s a hard life financially and Lanning served in this role at Pittsburg, then Arizona State where his coach from Pittsburg moved to take that job. After paying three years of dues in this role, he was hired by Sam Houston State as a defensive backs coach and co-recruiting coordinator.
Finally, in 2014, at 28 years of age, he had a good paying gig, but he knew he needed to up his resume and what better way to do it to put yourself in the Saban tree of coaches. Even it was technically a step backward to graduate assistant again.
His year at Alabama made an impression on Saban and his coaches as they all saw a young man with the energy and drive to make contributions beyond the job he was doing. Hearing what a good job he had done at all his stops, Mike Norvell, the current head coach at FSU, but then was the head coach of the Memphis Tigers, snapped him up to be his inside linebacker coach and recruiting coordinator, where once again his work ethic and results did not go unnoticed.
Kirby Smart, starting his third year as head coach at Georgia, plucked Lanning from Memphis for his first big-time college job. Smart remembered him from his year at Alabama and saw him as a real up-and-comer. He was hired to be the outside linebacker coach, a job he did so well he was subsequently raised to outside to defensive coordinator and outside linebacker coach. He was also a great recruiter for Georgia.
Finally at the age of just 32 he was entrenched with one the top teams in college football at a coordinator level making the living he had once only dreamed of. He didn’t sit on his laurels but instead kept grinding and being a defensive coordinator for a team with a national championship under its belt, his name was being tossed about for head coaching jobs despite his young age.
He sized up options but remained at Georgia until a great job at a preeminent program became available. That happened when Oregon called and at 35 became the head coach of a major college franchise. He went from 1.25 million with Georgia to a six-year contract with Oregon for over 29 million dollars, far from the not-so-distant ago 20 dollars an hour graduate assistant jobs.
He quickly turned around Oregon’s fortunes and right until the Pac-12 championship game this year was in the hunt for one of the four college football championship slots.
Now at just 37, Lanning is the top name to head up college football’s Maquis institution, Alabama. Whether he lands it or not will come out this week, but he is by far the leading name being tossed about at this time. And now, Bama fans, you know why. He could give a school over 30 years of production and that too is a reason for Bama wanting to kick his tires and perhaps offer him a job that would double his annual salary.
Larry Burton is a semi-retired college football writer who now just writes when the mood and the stories present themselves. He has been published by almost every college football media source. You can follow him at twitter/X at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter.
A great season leads to a bunch of bowls that make life uneasy for a pigskin prognosticator as teams fly into the radar that we haven’t had a handle on all season long. And you never know until it’s oftentimes too late, who’s playing and who’s not, who’s motivated and who’s not, so I may have picked a bad time to stop biting my fingernails.
If there’s an SEC team in finals, then we’ll have one more Larry’s Losers, if not, then this is the season’s swan song. We thank each and every reader whether this is your first time to read us or you’ve been here for the whole 25-year ride. It has been a journey that I’ve enjoyed taking and you the readers are why I’ve done it.
So with all that behind us, let’s get to picking some of these games and see if we can end on the same high note that we’ve had all season long. Here we go.
The Aggies lost their coach this season, but not their desire to win so when they travel over to Houston to take on the Cowpokes from Oklahoma State, they’re going to try and go out on a high note and start next season with renewed vigor.
Meanwhile, the Cowboys are hoping to move up into the top 20 a little higher and show that they are a team to keep your eye on next season too.
But only one team can finish on top and we’re going with SEC muscle in this tussle and that means the loser is Okie State at the top of the loser’s list.
Here are two neighbors that rarely get together, but this party in Jacksonville will get these two back together to renew their relations. They’ve played three times in bowls before with Clemson holding a slight 2-1 advantage and every game was decided by a score or less.
Clemson’s clearly the class of the field, but Kentucky is one of those teams that you better not let them get going or they’ll power peck you so dizzy you don’t recover.
I actually think that this could be another close game and I’ll be watching it for sure. But a Tiger should slay a Chicken in a fair fight so we’ll put Kentucky on the loser’s list and see how it goes.
Friday, Dec. 29th, 2023 – Missouri vs Ohio State – Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic – ATT Stadium – Arlington, Texas
Missouri is the SEC’s Cinderella. No one saw them playing a team like Ohio State in a bowl as big as the Cotton Bowl, sitting in the top 10 and smiling like a lottery winner. It has been a season to remember and one we’re all proud of for you.
But this is put your big boy pants on time and Ohio State is not pleased to be playing you and they plan on showing the world they deserved better, so as good as the season has gone for those Midwest Meeyowers, it’s time to face the music in Jerry’s World.
But with the Buckeye ball slinger that led them so well this season jumping ship, it’s making us feel like the Cats can catch a break and best the Buckeyes in this bowl and put Ohio State on Larry’s losers list.
Saturday, Dec. 30th, 2023 – Ole Miss vs Penn State – Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl – Mercedes Benz Stadium – Atlanta, Georgia
Solid second-tier teams in their respective conferences get together for conference pride and a secure hold on a top-ten finish and while the boys in Vegas see this as a big win for the Nittany’s, I’m just not seeing it that way.
Lane Kiffin seems to rise for the occasion and we’re seeing a hard-fought contest from beginning to end. The Rebs have been crack shots this season and there are visions of Lion’s skin rugs in front of the fire, but these Lions know how to spring from nowhere and pounce on a player or two.
Still, we see the Penn Staters edging out the Rebels, so that makes Larry’s loser – Ole Miss
Saturday, Dec. 30th, 2023 – Auburn vs Maryland – Transperfect Music City Bowl – Nissan Stadium – Nashville, Tennessee
Auburn swings up to Song City to take on a Terrapin tribe from up crab cake way, and they hope to end to season on a high note and Coach Freeze tries to be only the second coach in Auburn history to win a bowl game in his first season.
Meanwhile another Tagovailoa takes on the Tigers and little brother Taulia hopes to be like his big brother and send the Tigers home in tears.
But Auburn’s got a lot more to prove than just getting to a bowl and after years of failing to make the SEC proud of them in bowl season, they’ll finally get their act together and ring on up for the SEC. Or so we hope. Larry’s loser – Maryland
Saturday, Dec. 30th, 2023 – Georgia vs Florida State – Capitol One Orange Bowl – Hard Rock Stadium – Miami Gardens, Florida
Here are two teams with major butt hurt over not making the big time. The Seminoles have talked quite the talk as to what an injustice was served on them. After Georgia rips them two new butt holes to hurt from, maybe they’ll shut up when they see firsthand they didn’t deserve to be there after getting clobbered by the Dogs who were rated beneath them.
Now the Seminoles deserve a hand for the great season they played, but thinking they’re one of the best four teams in football is just ridiculous as we shall soon see.
Kirby’s Canines will beat them like a Seminole war drum and even that won’t be enough to shut some of those whining war painters up. Larry’s loser – Florida State big!
Monday, January 1st, 2024 – Wisconsin vs LSU -Reliaquest Bowl – Raymond James Stadium – Tampa Bay, Florida
Wisconsin had a decent season and flies South to Florida to try and upset the Bengals from Bayou Country in front of a big national audience. But Brian’s Bengals are aiming to end on a high note and they’ve got the muscle for this tussle.
This one could get to blowout status quickly if the Badgers try and risk too much too quick, but whether blowout or boring, the loser is pretty well written in cement before this kickoff.
So let’s just ring up another one for the SEC and put Wisconsin on Larry’s list of losers and move right along.
Monday, January 1st, 2024 – Iowa vs Tennessee – Cheezit Citrus Bowl – Camping World Stadium – Orlando, Florida
Iowa had another typical Iowa season, winning just enough to look good and then look awful when the big games at the end rolled around. So when they go to Orlando to celebrate a ten-win season, the smiles disappear once the ball is kicked off, ‘cuz these Vols came to win, not to celebrate.
To look good in big games you need something called offense, and the Vols understand this while the Hawkeyes scratch their heads and say, “What the hell is that?”
So unless the Vols hit the moonshine hard before the game even starts, this is gonna be a bore fest to anyone looking for some lively competition and that’ll make Iowa the person on Larry’s Loser list.
Monday, January 1st, 2024 – Alabama vs Michigan – The Rose Bowl – Pasadena, California –
Michigan usually stinks up bowl season like a porta potty on a busy construction site and this year, despite being number one in all the polls, they pulled Alabama, and another stink-up seems destined to happen once again.
Alabama in the Rose Bowl is like fighting a shark in the ocean. It’s their home turf, it’s even in their fight song. “Remember the Rose Bowl, we’ll win then.” Alabama has been killing good teams in the Rose Bowl since 1926 and no matter the odds, they win.
So unless coach Harbaugh has found a way to steal some players, stealing the signals won’t be enough to keep from being yet another notch in Alabama’s Rose Bowl belt. Larry’s loser – Michigan
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
There are some sharp minds writing articles for college football these days, but sometimes it’s good to take an old guy’s perspective into account because we’ve not only learned history and trends but seen them with our own eyes. That said, here’s one of the oldest sportswriter’s take on the upcoming Rose Bowl where Michigan takes on Alabama.
These are not historians or old men playing this game, they were born on average, 20 years ago or so, therefore history to them is limited to what they’ve seen with their own eyes or things that have happened in their lifetime, so let’s start there.
In these player’s lifetime, Michigan and Alabama have only played twice, both with disastrous losses to Michigan. The first was the 2012 game in Arlington, Texas where Alabama absolutely stomped them into the ground with the final score 41-14 Alabama. I remember that game and it could have been worse. Michigan looked like a high school team playing a college team.
The second game was just a few seasons ago in 2020 where the Tide once again spanked the Wolverines by a score of 35-16. Once again, Bama played the entire bench and let the majority of the team enjoy playing in a bowl game or it could have been worse.
The other thing that these players remember from their lifetime of the last 20 years or so is Alabama’s dominance over other teams from the Big Ten in general. Perception does stick in the minds of young men, and the lifetime perception of Alabama most always makes teams from their conference, the Big 10, their bitches in blowout losses. Only once in their lifetime did a Big Ten team beat Bama in a big bowl or title game and it wasn’t their team that did it.
I remember when Michigan State had a great year and many thought they would have a chance to upset the Tide. Kirk Cousins was at the top of his game, and the hopes of the Big Ten were with Michigan State. Alabama was going to finally be taught a lesson. Cousins couldn’t finish the first half, he was beaten in the dirt time and time again, then Bama beat down the second-string quarterback and they ended up playing a receiver at quarterback to finish the game. I was in the press box that day and after the game when we interviewed Kirk Cousins, he hardly could answer questions. It was a pitiful 49-7 thrashing in the 2011 Capital One Bowl at the Florida Citrus Bowl Stadium in Orlando, Fla.
Say what you will, but these things are in the back of their minds going into this game whether they’d ever admit it or not. In their lifetimes, Bama just doesn’t beat Big Ten teams, they beat the hell out of them. I forget the coach who once was quoted as saying, “Those Crimson jerseys are worth 14 points when they just walk out on the field. Whether you admit it or not, that’s how intimidating they are.”
I saw the looks on the faces of Michigan’s players when the announcement came from the playoff committee that Alabama got into the playoffs and would be playing Michigan. There was an audible and collective groan and a lot of “Oh shit!” looks on lots of faces of the Michigan players. Many on television and in print say the same thing, so it’s not my opinion alone.
So while the actual stats are not the tell-all many think, the stats were mostly from each of their own conferences, and most would agree that top to bottom, the SEC is a tougher conference. But then, that is a debatable issue.
What is not debatable, is history. One team has a history of stepping up and shining bright in big games and post-season play and one does not. The question is, how much weight does that history put on the backs of the players of each team? I’m saying it places some on both teams.
Michigan feels it has a stronger run defense than Alabama and can force Alabama to be more one-dimensional. However, teams that have tried to force Jalen Milroe to beat them with his arm have been beaten by his arm. Milroe has evolved into one of the best deep-threat passers in college football.
Statistically, Michigan has a pass defense that is also better rated than Alabama’s. Michigan feels confident that they can hold Alabama’s offensive output and scores to levels that can be surpassed by their own offense. However, Alabama may be one of the hardest teams to try and make one-dimensional.
Further, Michigan sees itself as a much more disciplined team, they commit less than 3 penalties per game while Alabama is guilty of twice that number. In this, they are of course correct. As for other perceived advantages over Alabama, that’s all they are, perceived advantages.
Stats don’t tell the true story of anything unless you take into account against whom those stats were accumulated. As far as the strength of the schedule goes, according to sportsbettingdime.com, as of the latest games played, Alabama had the 3rd hardest schedule in football. Michigan’s schedule only rates as the 47th toughest. So factoring that into the equation of Michigan’s perceived advantages, one can only surmise that good statistics are easy to be skewed when you play poorer competition.
No sports ranking service such as ESPN, CBS Sports, or anyone have the Big Ten as a conference ranked above the SEC in any power ranking category. The Big Ten is top-heavy with Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State doing well with the rest of the conference really lacking. In contrast, Kentucky, the SEC’s number 8 team in power rankings defeated the ACC’s championship game contender Louisville.
Therefore, except for committing fewer penalties, no clear advantage for Michigan can be found. It also shows that, just like Georgia, who also had a worse strength of schedule, Michigan’s team has not been forged in the same fire as Alabama and will wilt as the game progresses.
Lastly, as the game progresses no coach has shown the ability to make adjustments on the fly and adapt his team to overcome like Nick Saban. That’s why Alabama time and time again has shown the ability to come back from being down and pull away from teams who were either ahead or keeping it close early in the game.
Offense, defense, special teams, coaching, and depth of squad all favor Alabama. History, momentum, and confidence all favor Alabama. Though I rarely predict an exact score, I am very good at it when I do. So for the sake of a new year’s present, this old man who has been there and seen a lot in all these years sees a game where either Alabama has a 31-20 victory over Michigan or a score as high as a 34 -17 beatdown.
Larry Burton is a semi-retired writer who has written for over 25 years and has been published in almost every leading media.
I knew I’d hear it, by the droves, Florida State fans complaining that Alabama got “Their Spot” in the playoffs.
Not only do they not understand the committee was not supposed to give spots according to records, but for the best teams available to play for a championship and Seminoles, that ain’t you by a longshot.
But keep up jawing, whining, and complaining, and then explain how another team that didn’t make the playoffs and was beaten by the team you claimed took your spot, beats you by 28 or more. How will your argument look then?
It’s perfectly alright to be indignant about what happened, but so many of you look utterly, ridiculously stupid in thinking you were one of the four best teams in the country. And after the Georgia game, you’ll look even dumber for making that argument.
If this article insults you, I’m sorry, but many of you need a strong dose of reality here. You won the conference title of the weakest major conference and looked bad in doing it. That is reality, not opinion. Without your star quarterback, you didn’t have a prayer in hell of hanging with the big boys, with him, you could have made it interesting.
Take your number five ranking and wear it with pride, while you can. Because soon, the team ranked #6 is going to manhandle you in such a fashion that everyone will see just how inflated you were to be considered the fifth-best team. We still remember when the committee let in a weak TCU team who didn’t deserve the nod and was beaten down by the same Georgia Bulldogs you’re going to have to prove yourself against by a score of 65-7.
The truth is, Alabama or Georgia could play you 10 times each in Tallahassee and win all 20 games easily. Everybody with common sense knows that, everyone on the committee knows that. You don’t even have a puncher’s prayer. So take your indignity like a man, be proud of what you did accomplish because it truly was a lot, and be proud of that. All this whining and stupid talk doesn’t become you or what your team did accomplish. You’re on the road back, take this a step forward.
SEC prejudice, television revenue, or anything else didn’t cost you a spot. You simply weren’t one of the best four teams and after the Georgia game, even your most fervent fan will realize that. Show some class and stop the whining now.
Larry Burton is a semi-retired writer who has written for over 20 years and has been published in almost every leading media.
I don’t usually write much anymore and when I do, they’re personal more so than reporting. There are enough folks out there reporting what happened, you don’t need to have me do a re-take on things for you.
So what this is about is for the fans to take a break and a deep breath before posting whiney comments about referees. I’ve played football, coached football, and reffed games and I can tell you from first-hand experience that 99,9% of the refs that call a game are doing their best. There is no game you could watch and not find something to complain about with a call or the lack of one. Not one, zilch. So take a breath and know that while no one is perfect they are trying to do their best and they usually even out over a game.
Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant once said that sometimes a bad call goes against you and some go for you, but it comes down to that one thing, then you probably didn’t deserve to win the game anyway.
Take Alabama’s last game against Auburn. Auburn folks were whining, “Look, he pushed off!” When Isiah Bond caught the game-winning catch, and if you look at that final moment, that may be true. But if you look at play just seconds before, he was clearly being held and a stretched jersey is clearly visible. Yet that was not called either. It sort of evened out.
Also on that play, there was a stupid fan who showed a replay of one of the two rushers and he said, “Look he’s being held, he’s still being held, he’s still being held. and the truth is this is just a stupid fan. It’s legal for a lineman to have his hands on a rusher’s shoulder pads to push him, that’s not holding to a dumb fan, it looks like it. Even the lineman in question of being held said there was no holding on that play, they didn’t need to, they had two men blocking him. But it still riled up a desperate and butt-hurt fan base who were also too stupid to know the proper blocking rules.
Bama fans, you are just as bad trying to counter one perceived bad call with another of your choice. No fan base has a monopoly on whining fans.
Now, moving on from bad calls to decisions made by the College Football Playoff Committee. Again, I don’t think there’s an agenda one way or the other. They have said their goal is not to pick the teams that deserved it, but simply the four best teams out there right now.
If I were an undefeated Florida State, I’d be devastated to be left out and replaced by a one-loss team. Same for any undefeated team. They made their case the best way they could, by winning them all!
Should Alabama be left out, yes, I’d hurt along with the rest of the fan base but I might understand, they didn’t take care of their business all season long. There’s a side to all arguments. There may not be a team that Las Vegas would favor to win the Championship over Alabama right now. But Las Vegas doesn’t get a vote. I’d have to take my own advice and take a deep breath.
Larry Burton is a semi-retired writer who has written for over 20 years and has been published in almost every leading media.
Well folks, here we are with the two teams we always thought we’d have in this matchup, but there were some bumps and bruises along the way. Both teams have looked like world-beaters at times and also looked like a team that struggled against lesser opponents.
So here we are and may the best team win. Alabama is an amazing 15-1 in games the domes in Atlanta, and he’s 4-1 against Kirby’s Canines. But let me tell you folks, records don’t mean squat in a contest like this, because these groups of gladiators have never met before.
Now, with all that said, let’s get to the picking part of this party.
Georgia vs Alabama – Mercedes Benz Stadium – Atlanta, Georgia – Dec. 2nd, 2023 -Home Team- Alabama
Kirby’s Canines caravan up to Hotlanta to try and put their stamp on another SEC Championship and move on to yet another National College Football Playoff. But this ain’t no home game for the Dogs, Alabama not only owns the city of Atlanta, but with Nick Saban’s Mercedes connections, they’re playing in his house. So the Pachyderms arrive prideful and puffed up and think they’ve got this one too.
This is going to be one of the best if not THE best conference championship game. It’s a shame that one of these teams will be knocked out of the playoffs in all likelyhoood. A game like this comes down to the quarterback, and neither has ever been in a game this big as the boss. Both are winners, but one is more two demensional. Running quarterbacks has always given Smart a problem.
I see this as close as the boys from Lost Wages see it. So what is my main decider in this duel? Alabama’s team has been forged by fire with the nation’s third toughest schedule while Geogia’s was the 43 toughest. Plus, they’ve got the biggest chip on their shoulder, so even though it ain’t without a pound of worry, Larry’s Loser – Georgia
(with thanks to Davis Jaye and the squirrelsnestcartoons.com for using part of an oldie but goodie)
Well folks the only thing left is bowl season and we may break that into two segments, the early ones and the late ones. Till then enjoy the prize that is yours for your pleasure. This is gonna be a game worth watching, worth saving and worth salavating over.
So till bowl season, get out the tree, put on the ornaments and lets get ready for a holiday of fantastic football. This pick comes to you the beautiful Enchanged Princess somewhere in the Atlantic.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
Wow sports fans! Last week had a few great games one shocker that not even Auburn’s biggest foes saw coming. Yes, no one in the media predicted the depths to which Auburn could suck, but we now know that on any given day they can suck a battleship through a milkshake straw. Except for that miss, we got them all right and even predicted the close upset by South Carolina over Kentucky. But this week, it’s rivalry week, and anything, well almost, can always happen.
So with the end of the regular season upon us, here’s our last full week of SEC’s losers for you laugh over. Can we end on the high note we’ve had most of the year? Read ’em and see.
Ole Miss at Mississippi State – The Lane train pulls into Starkvegas with eyes on an 11-win season and a premier bowl to party in, while the Dogs simply hoping for yet another upset in this since they’ve won three out of the last five.
But these aren’t Mike Leach’s Mutts anymore, in fact, we don’t know who’ll manage these Mutts next year, so we aren’t looking for a “win one for the Gipper” moment in this one. Not even the chance to make a bowl game with a win will give them the bite on these Rebels.
So we’ll list up Mississippi State on the loser’s list and pray for a great new coach and new beginning next season. This Egg Bowl won’t be scrambled.
Missouri at Arkansas – Well once again, “The Battle Line” is being fought and this year the Midwest Meeyowers mosey up to fight it in Fayetteville. These cool Cats have been the surprise team in the SEC this season and coach Drinkwitz deserves a drink in his honor for a quick turnaround for these tabbies.
On the other side of the line are the poor little Piggies who showed promise at times but just couldn’t keep enough foes from huffing and puffing and blowing them and their house down. And we don’t see any indication that they’ve come up with a solution to stop that in this game either.
So with a great ten-win season and a really nice bowl looking them in the face, these Tigers send the Pigs to the BBQ pits and will make Larry’s loser – Arkansas
Alabama vs Auburn – The prancing Pachyderms parade into the plains to pummel these Pussycats and send the home crowd home with their toilet paper once again. Last week they did get to use some of it after cleaning out the inside of their undies after crapping their pants against a non-division five school and paying them 1.85 million dollars to do it to them.
So to think they have a chance to beat Bama is a stretch that we just can’t make, and though they’ll throw everything and the kitchen sink into this game, they’ll still come up short and the Barners will limp into the Birmingham Bowl or some other bottom bowl .
There’ll be no prayer in Jordan Haire this week, at least not one made by the Worn Eagles that’ll be answered, so Larry’s loser is Auburn. This Iron Bowl is Bama’s.
Kentucky vs Louisville – The “Governor’s Cup” is up for grabs in the Bluegrass State this weekend when the Kitties from Kentucky come a calling in Louisville’s Bird house. Now you’d think that a fight between a cat and a bird would be one-sided, but you don’t know the whole story.
Last week these Kitties got pecked on by a Chickens and wound up on not on the winning side and though these little Birdies might be a might smaller than a Chicken, they’ve got sharp little beaks and know how to swarm.
So we’re going with the home team to bring the Cup to the coop and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Texas A&M at LSU – The aimless Aggies are going bowling without a full-time boss, but they’ve still got things they want to prove, so when they bus down to the Bayou to take on the Bengals, they’ll want to go out with a bang.
But the fact is LSU’s got a tricky Tiger at quarterback and they’re just a better bunch of ballers than those dirt Farmers from Texas. So we expect to see the Tigers send what’s left of the Aggies back to Texas with a lesson not to try to grab this Tiger by the tail.
And this outcome will put Texas A&M on Larry’s list of losers this week and we hope they get a new coach and a new identity soon.
Vanderbilt at Tennessee – Things just ain’t gone the way they thought they would for both of these teams from Hill Country. So when the sad sack Sailors from Song City go over Hardknocksville to vie with the Vols, one team will go out on a high note and one will go down with the ship yet again.
Eight wins gets the Vols to a decent bowl and two wins send you home for the holidays and that’s just the sad state of affairs in this game. We’d like to say that since Vandy’s won four of the last eight that they have a chance, and they do. I give them a one percent chance of winning.
So with this game in the unwatchable / who cares corner, let’s just put Vandy on the loser’s list and go on to more exciting contests.
Florida at Florida State – The Gators head up the freeway to tangle with those Tallahassians in War Paint and they better know now than later, that these Seminoles have been knowing how to deal with a Gator for generations.
Florida needs a hope and prayer win over their robust rivals to make it to a bowl game, and the Seminoles ain’t bringing no peace pipes for this party, as they need this win to get in the College Football Playoffs, cuz a loss to a bunch of gang green Gators won’t get them there.
So let’s put Florida out of their misery, put ’em on the loser’s list and let ’em enjoy the holidays at home, and give the Noles the Florida cup. Larry’s loser – Florida
Georgia at Georgia Tech – The “Clean, Old Fashioned Hate” game is in Hotlanta where the Dogs will play their last two games before any playoff games take place. The hosts, the Rambin’ Wreck, has lived up to their name and limp into bowl season with just six wins.
Now I’d like to tell you that this might be an entertaining game, but coach Kirby will more than likely be watching Alabama film during the game. Georgia Tech has the same chance of winning as me shooting the moon with my trusty .22.
So let’s just write down Georgia Tech in the loser’s list, wish them well in bowl season and go on to game with a little more anticipation.
Clemson at South Carolina – The Palmetto Bowl takes place in the biggest congregation of Cluckers this side of the KFC distribution center, and that is a mighty advantage to the Carolina Cluckers. Folks forget that Clemson’s been a big dog for a while, but the Gamecocks have won 6 out of the last 13 games, so they know how to pull off an upset like they did last season.
I think this could be the game of the night. Last week I said I’d pick the Cluckers to upset Kentucky and set up a wild game with Clemson that could get them in a bowl game and all that panned out. I want so bad for the Cluckers to pull this off and they might as this is a game that will ride entirely on big MO. Momentum will win the day and whoever has it in a close game will win.
I want to pick this pack of Peckers for another upset party so bad and I can sure see it happening, but Dabo’s just got a lot more talent on the other side of the field so my head not my heart is putting South Carolina on the loser’s list.
Well folks, that’s it from this season. This pack of picks comes to you from Princess’s Enchanted Princess cruise ship as she sails us around some islands off Europe’s coast and then home to Florida. It’s been a grueling 2 months of travel that has covered Greece, Turkey and everything in Italy and more, during football season, but the picks have exceeded anyone else’s who posts them publicly, so maybe my mind didn’t wander too far from football during all this, but I’ve made my poor wife happy who suffered so much during football seasons in the past.
We’ll be back next week with the SEC Championship predictions and then down the road with the College Football Playoff picks. Thank you for letting me share one more football season with you all. At 66, my writing days may be numbered, but I have a lifetime of memories and a ton of friends from all this and I thank you one and all.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
What an exciting bunch of games last week, and while I could hear the upset bugs a buzzin’, I put the wrong teams with those blame bugs. I just felt Georgia was due for an upset but Ole Miss ain’t the bunch to do it and hats to Auburn for surprising everyone in the football world but those players’ mamas, by not just beating the Hogs, but staging a full-scale slaughter!
I hope you enjoyed all the excitement last week, ‘cuz there’s a lot of cupcakes on the shelf for this week, but just barely enough good games to make the weekend wonderful. So with all that being said, let’s go ahead and start listing those losers. I call this week’s Cartoons, “What the coaches would really like to say publicly”.
Chattanooga vs Alabama – The Mocs won’t wear out those new shoes they’ll pay for with the big check from Bama for the beatdown. No they’ll bus on down to T-Town for a colossal clobbering they won’t soon forget.
This is the game where Saban rests the weary, plays the whole bench, and maybe some of the brass section from the Million Dollar Band.
So no need to dilly dally with a cutesy explanation here, just put Chattanooga on the loser’s list and send ’em back up I-59 all battered and bruised.
UL Monroe at Ole Miss – The worn out Warhawks flap what feathers they have left to come to Oxford for a big paycheck and another plucking and this is already a team that’s all plucked up.
The only suspense in this one is will be in Kiffin plays every one of his Commandos including the backup water boy.
So skip this one, put UL Monroe on the losers list and let’s just move along with a yawn.
Southern Miss at Mississippi State – When the Golden Eagle fly over to Starkvegas for beatdown and bank draft, this is going to give the Dog win number five in what looked like a tough season. Boy, that’s gonna make the season-ender that much more important.
Next week it won’t be for just state pride, but a bowl season bid, so expect whoever fills Coach Zach’s seat to rest the weary and put in double study time on how to crack a Kiffin while his boys go out there and see if grilled Eagle tastes like chicken.
With little suspense or reason to watch this ‘un, Larry’s loser will be Southern Miss, even in the players are upset about losing their coach.
Abilene Christian at Texas A&M – Well I told you last week that Jimbo’s butt was burning, and even though he won, he lost a job, but gained a fortune. Only in America can you be fired for being bad at your job and still get 75 million bucks for it.
So Jimbo’s office may be cleared out, but all the horses are still in the stable and that means they’re able to take on these Christians, no matter how hard they pray.
So keep the remote handy and click away from this catastrophe. Larry’s loser – Abilene Christian.
Georgia at Tennessee – While the Dogs were chewing the asses of the men from Ole Miss last week, Tennessee was getting clawed to death by the Missouri Tigers, so to say these are two teams who couldn’t be more different last week would be an understatement.
At the first of the season, this was supposed to be the game was to decide the East, but now it’s just a game to see how much heart these Hillbillies still have to at least put up a good fight.
And that might be worth a look, certainly seeing Dolly try to stir the Vols will be, unless it gets ugly in a hurry, but no matter what how it plays out, in the end, it’ll be Tennessee on Larry’s loser’s list.
New Mexico State at Auburn – Now here’s a tale of two farm schools fighting it out on Auburn’s South 40 so it seems like with an eight-win Aggie facing a six-win Tiger that it might not be a cupcake clash, but that’s why you read Larry’s losers.
Auburn would be undefeated playing the Aggie’s paddy cake schedule, so when it comes to two farm schools fighting it out, one’s using heavy machinery while the other is armed with hoes.
So the Aggies take the big payday as Auburn prepares for the Pachyderms next week and that’ll make Larry’s loser, New Mexico.
Florida at Missouri – Florida finds itself in the dry flatlands of the Midwest Meeyowers with nowhere to hide when they come a calling on these Kitties.
The Gators have been severely skinned this season and even playing in something as silly as Birmingham Bowl is beyond their grasp this season. And with the Cats finding the big spark to end their season on a hot streak, this one could get ugly.
So just like in the Tennessee game, this one still might be entertaining to watch just to see if the Gators have any gumption left in their gullets to put up a worthy battle. But we don’t think they will and put Florida on the loser’s list.
Florida International at Arkansas – This pitiful pack of Panthers parade in the Hogpen all happy to be on national television and get such a big paycheck.
But even though these Hogs have no hope of holiday hijinx come bowl season, they do want to go out with a bang and the receiving end of this bang will be these battered Cats from Florida.
While it won’t be worthy of your attention, somehow ESPNU couldn’t find anything they like any better, but either way, Larry’s loser will be FIU. And that still won’t be enough to save this coach’s job.
Kentucky at South Carolina – Oh how good both these teams have looked at times, and boy oh boy how bad they’ve looked at others. Cat’s are going bowling however and the Cluckers are going to have to pull a royal flush to find themselves playing the holidays.
So when the Wildcats make a raid on the Henhouse in Carolina’s Clucker corner, there’s going to be a border war that might be a doozy to watch. And with this being a rare Sunday after-church kinda game, both teams might want to say a prayer before this one.
Now I know the boys in Lost Wages think this is one for the Cats, but I’d love to see the home team shine pull one out, and then play Clemson for a shot a bowl game. Could this be the day Spenser quits getting Rattled and plays his butt off? We think so. Larry’s loser, Kentucky in my upset special.
Well that’s it for this week folks, this week pack of picks comes to you from Siena, Italy and as unusual for me to say, I’m so sick of Italian food. What I wouldn’t give for a big old stadium dog, or a BBQ sandwich. But no matter how bad my belly longs for home, I’m looking forward to next week, rivalry week, and boy oh boy, will there be some good games there.
With the regular season coming to a close the way we all figured it would, I want to thank each and every one of you who read this every week and post it on your page for your friends to see too. See you next week.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
What a week last weekend was for sports fans! I should have listened to my heart and not my head last week and I would have been perfect yet again! If you go back a week and read, I said I flipped a coin 5 times because I was feeling the Hogs to upset the Gators, but I listened to my head repeat all the stats and trends and failed to be perfect again in the process.
And this week, the Hogs have me on the fence again. But the games are getting better and better and each game means so much to so many. As much as I’m enjoying bouncing around Italy, I wish I had my pigskin-picking pooch by my side helping me with these toughies, but the staff manning the fort back at the loser’s lair is helping and we’re still the hottest prognosticator there is. But before I wear a hole in my shirt patting myself on the back, let’s see how this week goes, and we begin.
Alabama at Kentucky – There aren’t many places in the SEC where you can take on a home team and expect an easy Saturday, and when the Pachyderms point the plane to the Bluegrass State, they’d better not be resting on their laurels for beating the Bengals or these Cats will give ’em a scratching they won’t soon forget!
But Nick’s got some tricks up his sleeve and he’s got these Tiders tripping the lights fantastic and with their eyes on a bigger prize so they’re not about to become this week’s big story on the upset page, so we expect them to pull away as usual as the second half goes on.
Despite usually starting as slow as molasses, this game’s finale should still be the same, so we’ll put Kentucky on the loser’s list and move right along.
Vanderbilt at South Carolina – The Song City Sailors sail on over to South Carolina to take on the local Cluckers in their own Henhouse. Now the Swabbies have already come to the conclusion that the only bowl games they’ll make are the ones they buy tickets to.
But a win here would still give Beamer Ball a small chance of still making it to December football, so they’ll give it their all.
Not they’ll have to give them their all, but the Cluckers use the big peckers to knock the noggins of the Commodores until they abandon ship one more time and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt yet one more time.
Tennessee at Missouri – Since joining the SEC, these Midwest Meeyowers have had a lot more success than the vanquished Vols, but this is a chance for somebody the grab the title of second-best in the East and both teams are going to give it their all.
This is one of those where the hot hand rules the day and this one is one of those grey hair-causing games to pick. Now I want to give the home team the nod, but the Vols are just showing me a little more offense and I’m leaning that way.
Now folks have accused me of talking down the Vols, but they’ve just been a dog that’s been kicked around so long, that it’s hard to change you’re mind. But today is their day and Missouri is the team on the loser’s list.
Auburn at Arkansas – This week Tiger tribe from Auburn travel out West to the Hog farm in Fayetteville, and this could be yet another thriller and a killer for each team.
Now folks think I’m too hard on the Worn Eagles and I’m not, it’s just that they suck this season and I call ’em as I see ’em. But the record you say, the Hogs have just won three games! But they are competitive and are a better team than their record and the Tigers are much worse than their record over a slew of cupcakes.
I expect it to be close, but close games are won by the best quarterback and the best quarterback in this contest is wearing red, so let’s write up Auburn on the losers list and hope for the best.
Ole Miss at Georgia – This week Kiffin’s Commandos go over to Athens to see if they can pop the Pooch’s unspoiled season and show that maybe in the SEC, the best is the West.
There’s no real reason to think that these Rebs can win a shootout in Georgia’s own yard, but folks, the hair on my neck has told me all week that the upset bug bites here. You’ve heard the expression about a paper tiger all your life, well folks, I ain’t saying this is a paper Pooch, but they’re just not as good as their ranking.
So I’m going with the hair on my neck and am willing to show that I have hair on my ass and go with the upset in this one and make Georgia, yes Georgia, Larry’s loser.
Florida at LSU – Two tormented teams tangle in Bayou this Saturday. Both lost heartbreaking games last week and only one will be able to lift up their chins after this one.
Both are going to be bowling this holiday season, but this game’s not about status or standing, it’s about pride and LSU at home is a tough act to follow. And though it could be thrilling for a while, the Bayou Boys just have a little more muscle in this tussle.
So that’ll make Larry’s loser Florida and they’ll have to try again for that big win number six, but it’ll come later.
Mississippi State at Texas A&M – Both these teams have been sleepwalking through the season so far, so when the Bulldogs bus over to Texas to take on the Aggies, it’s really a case of who cares?
So for a team that’s sleepwalked through most of the season, a cold glass of water getting thrown in your face may be just what these Aggies need, although Jimbo might prefer it being thrown on his butt as the temperature is rising on his results in College Station so far.
As for the Dogs, it’s not their day, Fisher’s Farmers are just a step above, if not two, so put Mississippi State on the loser’s list and we’ll get started thinking about next week.
Well, that’s all there is for this week folks. We’re sending you these picks from Assissi, Italy as the Mrs. continues planning places for us to peruse. Next week we’ll be in Northern Italy’s wine country so I’ll try and place the picks before I’m plastered.
Till then, call your mama if you can, stock up the snacks, pay the cable bill or show up in person and help your team stay off the losing side.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
The regular season end is looming, but my prognostication keeps blooming! Once again last week we were perfect with the picking, making that so many weeks this season I’m losing count. Yes, we saw how they would all play out, but you’re only as good as your last game, and this week could have some pitfalls.
So let’s just get started with the picking and quit wearing out my arm by patting myself on the back. With a better use of energy and a little humbleness, here we go:
Texas A&M at Ole Miss – Folks, this could be the thriller! Both teams are aching to be the next best thing to Bama in the West, and both want to prove they’re better than their recent past seasons have shown. So when these Aggies come aiming to roust the Rebels in front of their home fans, it’s gonna be a war.
We think this could be a game won by who has the ball last or one team jumping on the other so early and often that the game is over by halftime. This is one of those anything can happen games. If Jimbo loses this one they’ll still backslide into bowl season, but his butt will be burning.
The Aggies have a defense that worries my pick, but the Rebs have an opportunistic offense. So what to do? Well, when in doubt and coin flips don’t help go with the home team, so let’s write up Texas A&M on the list of losers and pray our hearts out.
U Conn at Tennessee – Here’s the first of late-season cupcakes to pad the win column and maybe get the Vols to a better bowl game. When the U Conn Huskies haul themselves down to Hardknocksville, it’s strickly for a paycheck and pounding and the Hillbillies will gladly give them both.
There isn’t a prayer in hell that these Huskies are gonna pull off a real game and make this one even remotely entertaining, so I’ll give up the writing that this game doesn’t deserve and just list U Conn as Larry’s Loser and shut up about this one.
Arkansas at Florida – They say something unusual happens when you see a pig fly, but when these Pigs fly South for the Swamp, we think you can expect the same outcome as usual. Yes, these aren’t the fine Swine of days gone past and they’ve fallen on hard times as of late, even though they have a good signal caller calling those Hogs.
Now folks, I’ve flipped a coin five times in this one because I can see an upset happening in the Gators don’t start fast. But if all goes the way of the way the little smart cookie computer says, this should get the Gators a win they need.
So with the Gators getting to bowl season and the Hogs officially waiving goodbye to any chance of a post-season party, let’s list Arkansas on the loser’s list and move right along.
Jacksonville State at South Carolina – Oh Lord! Here are some of the last and last season cupcake specials to pad that win total and get to bowl eligibility. So when this pair of Gamecocks show up to battle, it won’t take long to see who’s got the biggest pecker in this pack of Poultry.
Last week Beamer Ball put a scare in the Aggies for a while, but they just didn’t have the muscle to sustain a 60-minute tussle with a better team, but this ain’t no better team.
So in true cupcake fashion, let’s just add Jacksonville State to the loser’s list and go on.
Missouri at Georgia – The Midwest Meeyowers take their Cat show to battle the blue ribbon Dogs down in Athens and though the Cats have stunned some SEC’ers so far this season, they aren’t likely to scratch their way to a win here.
This ain’t to say though, that if these Fido footballers are looking ahead to the SEC showdown with the Tide that an upset can’t happen. After all, these pooches have looked pretty sloppy at times and haven’t looked like the Dogs of old.
Still, we see the Dogs having their day and that means we’ll add Missouri to Larry’s losers list and go on to the next game.
Auburn at Vanderbilt – Auburn goes up to the Singing City and tries their hand with that old country tune, “Thank God for Vandy, Daddy needs to go to a bowl” and after ten games into the season, the weary War Eagles should have their second win in the conference and finally escape last for good.
Last week Auburn finally acted like a blind squirrel that found an acorn and they actually assembled some offense scoring 27 points against an SEC team. The Tiger defense should be able to keep Vandy away from that total so we see the Wiregrass Wonders getting win number five and getting closer to bowl balling.
So just like most SEC teams, Coach Freeze will be thanking God for Vandy and that’ll ring up those poor Song City Sailors and Larry’s loser list yet again.
Kentucky at Mississippi State – When Kentucky Cats come a calling at the Dog Pound in Starvegas, you know the fur’s gonna fly! Both teams have been surprising and struggling at times and there’s just no clear winner that jumps out at us, so we had to dig deep in the stats to see our way out of this one.
Offensively, the stats look about the same, but Kentucky has played a bit of a tougher schedule in our eyes and the same goes for the defensive stats, so close as to not be a decisive factor.
In a close one, you usually go with the home team and those cowbells can give a visitor fits, but one team is just a little better and just a little bit more battle tested, so we’re putting Miss State on the loser’s list and crossing our fingers.
LSU at Alabama – All season long, everyone saw these two as the big dogs in the West and today they finally decide who goes to Hotlanta to bully the Bulldogs. Now this is a full-grown Bengal from the Bayou against an exalted Elephant so it’s gonna be a battle.
Both teams have histories this season of running hot and cold and the winner of this game will be the one who gets and stays the hottest. If the Tide can play with pride and actually do well in the first half, then this game is over, but if they sputter as they have, they may find this isn’t the opponent that squanders a lead.
These games are won by a hot quarterback and the muscle in the tussle and we think that Bama has the edge to win this war. It’s not without some trepidation, but with meditation that we put LSU on Larry’s loser’s list.
Well, that’s it for this week folks, let’s hope the wave we’ve been riding isn’t hiding a wipeout over the next reef. This Saturday, you’re reading these picks while I’m sipping chianti while riding a train from Bari, to Civitavecchia, Italy as week three of this trip through Europe continues, and so far between me relaxing between picks and the help from the home office of Loser’s Lair, you can’t say I’m slacking with all these perfect weeks of picks.
So stack up your snacks and fine-tune the satellite dish or the antenna or make sure your cable bill is all paid up. If you can’t do that, then I hope you scrounged some tickets from a friend and yell your lungs out in person.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
While I don’t mean to brag, two weeks of perfect picks? I guess being on vacation relaxes the noodles in my head and makes me see clearer. But the problem is, this past Saturday I was in Istanbul, Turkey, and the 1:30 games started here at 10:30 at night. So it was a long night night of football and slapping myself to stay awake.
But in the end, it was worth it as there were several exciting games to gander and by now we are really getting a feel of who has what and who lacks what. So can we go for the three peat and have another week of perfect picks? We sure think so. So read and see if you agree and then we’ll come back next week and see!
Vanderbilt at Ole Miss – The sad sack Sailors sail on down to Oxford this week and they’re hoping to catch a Rebel that’s been down on his luck in a lot of games this season, but Kiffin’s Commandos aren’t about to let these cellar dwellers deprive them of a win in their own backyard.
But something tells me that Guys from the Grove might take this one a little too lightly and the game could be closer than most think and it could be close for while.
But in the end, we expect the Sailors to sink one more time and that’ll put Vanderbilt on Larry’s losers list once again.
Tennessee at Kentucky – Coming from the hills down to the Blue Grass State, the tribe from Tennessee travel to Kentucky and this game could wind up showing who’s the king of the middle-of-the-pack players in the SEC East, and the Kentucky Cats are hoping with the previous week off, that they’re rested and ready to catch a team that just lost a heartbreaker.
Last week the Vols looked like a giant killer for a while, but then crumbled and cried all the way back to Hardknocksville. But the sting of that loss may be just the incentive they need to get back to their winning ways.
By the time this one’s over, the Vols will take one more of these Cat’s nine lives and that’ll make Larry’s loser Kentucky.
Mississippi State at Auburn – When the Bulldogs bus over to the Wiregrass to take on the Tigers, Auburn is going to lay out a big old WELCOME mat, cuz this might be their first chance to escape being tied for last place in the SEC standings.
Now Auburn may have some offensive woes from time to time, but these Dogs have it worse. Both have decent defenses, but the trick is you have to score more than the other team to win.
So for folks who say I never pick Auburn to win, I’ve correctly picked every one of their wins so far this season and I’m doing so again this week. That’ll make Larry’s loser Mississippi State
South Carolina at Texas A&M – The Carolina Cluckers flap and squawk their stuff into Texas with plans on finally finishing the Farmers who have been taking their eggs and eating their brothers for years.
But Fisher’s Farmers have been handling Fricasise for more than a fortnight and they have no intention of letting these Chickens rule the coop. So look for a battle royale as the feathers fly and the Farmers fuss.
The difference in this game is defense, and the Aggies brought one and the dead Peckers are still looking for one. That makes Larry’s loser, South Carolina.
Georgia at Florida – When the Dogs drop in on the Gators to effectively finish off the last of the SEC East contenders, We’re all left wondering if there’s anybody who can drop these dogs from their lofty perch atop the SEC’s Eastern standings?
And unfortunately for the Gators, the answer, at least for this season is no. So the Gators are left playing for style points learning from their mistakes and miscues while watching the Dogs effectively seal up the East with this win.
So that’ll make Florida the loser on this list and we won’t know ’till after the regular season if there’s someone who can bully these Bulldogs.
Well that’s it for this week. Yes, I’m playing about Europe right now, this week’s pick were done in Sorento, Italy, but don’t fret, we have the Loser’s Lair manned with house sitters and stat checkers, so we aren’t planning on a drop in performance in this party.
So till next week, keep tuning in, let us know your thoughts in the comments and keep on hoping that your favorite team won’t wind up on this list of losers.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
Well, guess who was perfect with their picks last week? Well it wasn’t anybody on the boob tube, or anyone crazily tapping keyboards, no it was us, yet again, showing the rest of the sports world what perfection and being a legend in your own mind really looks like.
With the season winding down, many teams are taking a break before the final slugfests to come, but we do have some good games to gawk over. So let’s get started and see who’s closing in on clamping down a bowl bid and who will be sitting at home, picking their nose, and watching the good teams play.
Tennessee at Alabama – The Vols bus on down to T-Town for the third Saturday in October showdown and this could be a thriller. After so many years of being just another game, the Vols finally pummeled the Pachyderms last season, and they now have optimism they can do it again.
But the boys in Crimson have some payback waiting on these Orange-clad kookoos and if the Tide can uncharacteristically start fast, this game could be over quick, but if they start slow, it could be an exciting game until the fourth quarter.
But no matter how it happens, what will happen in the end, is that the boys in Crimson will be scraping out the Orange off their feet and you can put Tennessee on Larry’s loser list.
Mississippi State at Arkansas – The Hounds haul up to Arkansas to try and add some Pork to their post-game feast but the Hogs have sharpened their tusks and plan un poking the Pooches into submission this Saturday.
Both teams are scrambling to get to the magic number that allows them for some post-season partying, but only one will get one step closer after this campaign.
Unfortunately though, if it goes the way we see it, both teams will still have a way to go after this one because we’re seeing Mississippi State win and put the Hogs on the list after this one.
South Carolina at Missouri – The Col. Sanders Cluckers fly to Mizzou to take on the midwest Meyowers in their home catbox. Now the Cats have earned some blue ribbons this year for their fortuitous fate in football this year and they’re hoping to be best in show in this event too.
South Carolina has shown glimpses of greatness this season, but a glimpse won’t help you much in a 60-minute slugfest. Mizzou is gonna try and make sure they don’t land a lucky punch and take a win away from them in this one.
Defense is the difference in this one and Mizzou has one and the Cocks are a little limp in that area, so we’re going to see the Cats lock up a bowl berth, and that makes Larry’s loser South Carolina.
These Chickens are good, but they don’t have big enough peckers to slow down a Tiger!
Ole Miss at Auburn – When the Rebs come into Auburn thinking an easy win over a glorified war chicken, they might be in for a surprise. Auburn plays like a Tiger possessed in night games at home. I’ve been there too many times and seen them upset bigger ballers.
Kiffin’s Commandos may have their hands full in this one as the Tigers from Auburn are desperately searching for any win over any SEC team. So the Rebs better start off strong and get that crowd out of the game early and then not let up.
I can see this going the other way if Auburn gets going on offense, they’ve got the defense to be respectable and the the crowd could carry them, but we’re being reasonable and putting a trashy team tied for no conference wins where it belongs and make Auburn Larry’s loser.
Army at LSU – When Army rolls in Baton Rouge this weekend to take on the Tigers, it’s gonna be a long night for the boys in that battalion. You see, the refs won’t let ’em use their Tanks or Bradleys in this skirmish, so the boys will be exposed to the Cajun Kitty’s claws all night long and that won’t be a good matchup.
Yes, the Bengals should run blitzkrieg over this Army like they were French soldiers in World War II and it won’t be a good one to watch.
So let’s just land Army on Larry’s loser list and say Congrats to the Cats for win number 6. Who would have thought that LSU would be fighting for a decent bowl when the season started? Talk about a season not living up to its hype!
Well, that’s it for this week folks, We love bringing you these laughable losers and letting you know who’s watchable and who’s just weary.
We hope to see you back in this same place next week, till then, stock up your snacks, get those noisy kids out of the house, send your mother-in-law home, and get ready for good football!
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
We’re on the backside of the season now and all the games count now more than ever. Last week was full of exciting games and this week won’t be much different. Last week we were almost perfect, but Missouri’s late-game guffaw cost them my upset win.
And this week has some games that are just as head-scratching. But since we routinely outguess all the talking heads on TV, radio, and print, we think once again we’ll catch these contests correctly and list up the appropriate losers. So with all that mouthful said, let’s get going.
Georgia at Vanderbilt – For a team used to playing in front of big crowds, the Bulldogs barge into the Commodore’s stadium to find the fewest seats in the SEC. And for the Song City Sailors, that’ll just mean that fewer of their own family will see the fiasco that’s going to happen on Saturday.
Maybe soon, Vanderbilt will have a team and a stadium worthy of this type of warfare, but this week it’s just another SEC slaughter against the traditional weaker little brother.
So rip out the remote and find a better fight and we’ll just list up Vanderbilt to the loser’s list and move on to the next one.
Arkansas at Alabama – The Hooven Hogs from Arkansas bus on down to T-Town for a little party with the Pachyderms. But you don’t go poking an Elephant if don’t want to be trampled and that’s what these Razorbacks are soon to find out.
Now in the past, the Hogs have found a way to make a game out of trying to trouble these Tuscalossans, but this week, the Tide washes away any thought of making a contest out of this game.
This is not the same team that lost its early season game with Texas and they’re sure not gonna get back in the mud with these Pigs in their own pen. Larry’s loser – Arkansas
Texas A&M at Tennessee – East meets West when Fisher’s Farmboys come into Tennessee to take on the Vols in the stadium by the river in Hardknocksville. A&M is hoping to regroup from a big loss last week and the Vols are still on cloud nine from a big win, so they’re coming into this game with different mindsets.
Now Coach Josh Heupel just sent Saban a gift basket for the blueprint on to attack these Farm Boys and since the Aggies Coach Fisher figures on this, he’ll try and change things up for confusion’s sake.
This is gonna be a good one, but the Vols have an offense and the Aggies really don’t and they each have close defenses, so you gotta go with the Vols and watch Jimbo circle the drain one time, which will put Texas A&M on Larry’s losers list.
Florida at South Carolina – Now when a big ol’ Alligator comes into a Chicken’s house, the outcome might seem to be one-sided. But these Carolina Cluckers have a history of pecking opposing players into submission and this could be that time too.
This is gonna be a doosey to watch and I suspect the boys with the big peckers are gonna give these Gators more than a few pecks on the head. But the Gators are an up and comer and South Carolina is still trying to find what kind of Cluckers they are, so we’ll go against the odds and pick South Carolina to be the next loser on the list.
Auburn at LSU – When the Worn Eagles flap down to the Bayou Bengal’s turf, poor old Coach Hugh Freeze won’t be enjoying his time in the SEC like he did at Ole Miss, and as badly as he needs a win with the season waning, this sure ain’t the place to look for one.
Here are two tribes of Tigers trying to thrash one another but the one from the wiregrass are just kittens compared to Kelly’s big Kitties and unless the boys from Auburn somehow find an offense, it’s gonna be a long day. So far this season, Auburn’s managed to only beat the cupcakes.
So once again, let’s list up Auburn on Larry’s losers and remind the boys from Auburn that there’s always next season. And with Auburn tied for bottom in the SEC, let’s see if Freeze starts getting the cold shoulder from the Auburn brass.
Missouri at Kentucky – This Kitty Cat clash is going to be a goodie. Both are coming off losses after starting so hot, but one was nipped at the end by a good SEC team and the other was skinned alive by the SEC’s best.
The Midwest Meeyowers are having a much better season than they expected and they have been resilient when they’ve needed to be. And those Cats from Kentucky never had a game in doubt until Georgia took seven of their nine lives last week.
This could be a coin toss, just like last week, when I picked an upset Missouri win over LSU. They almost pulled it off and led for over 3 quarters, but ended up letting me down. Surely they won’t do that two weeks in a row, so we’re going that way again and making Larry’s loser – Kentucky.
Well, that’s it for this week folks, as an old writer, who now only writes for fun and the many folks who didn’t want this series of articles to end, just as I never want a football season to end.
So the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, we’ll see you back here next week for another round of picks to poke fun of, and till then pray the games stay this good!
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
The sky is not falling. Alabama still has a path to where they and the Alabama nation want to go. They won a game this weekend against a good team and at least for now, set themselves in a position to be the SEC West representative in Atlanta for another chance at a conference title and a playoff invitation.
But there are glaring problems that even my wife, the nonfootball person in my universe can spot. During the Alabama / Texas A&M game Saturday, even she said, “Isn’t it stupid how many times Alabama has been flagged for offsides or whatever?” So yes, let’s start with the penalties.
Had it not been for a stupid blindside block, twenty yards behind where the man running towards the endzone had already run, I would have made my prediction that Bama would win by at least 11 points and that Las Vegas got it wrong again. That stupid, needless, no consequence and very improper block that the team had absolutely no need of whatsoever of him attempting to make, cost the team seven points and could have all but iced the game and sapped the soul of the Aggie players.
Alabama ended the night with 14, yes count ’em, 14 penalties for 99, oh what the hell, let’s just round them up, to 100 yards, one trip all the way from goal line to goal line. Alabama can win a game against an A&M-type team that’s having another disappointing year, at least to what they were expected to do. Bama’s not going to win a championship of any kind with play like that.
In Saban’s early years in Tuscaloosa, his teams were among the least penalized teams in all of college football. So why is this team so undisciplined now? How many other touchdown drives were stalled on Saturday with all the pre-snap penalties?
Then there are the sacks. Alabama is supposed to have, at least on paper, one of the biggest badest offensive lines in the nation? Well for those of you who listened to music in the 70’s, they aren’t that bad. Leroy Brown would certainly kick all their asses. They gave up six sacks and eight tackles for loss.
And it’s not just that they couldn’t comprehend a snap count, or follow through with a pass protection scheme. They couldn’t form a pocket if they worked in a shirt factory and they couldn’t open holes for a running back either. Alabama rushed for, take a deep breath before you continue reading, a grand total of 23 yards for a season-low dismal average of not even one yard per carry.
Let’s be honest and just call this offensive line performance what it was, a total crap fest. That is what’s wrong with Alabama football right now.
So how did Alabama win a game against a decent middle-of-the-road SEC team?
Well, that answer is simple, a feisty and fierce defense that can take the fight to any team, Will Reichard, a pack of gutsy/talented receivers led by Jermaine Burton, and Jalen Milroe, a tough and talented guy that is just now finding out how good he can evolve to be. So let’s explain the “what’s right” with Alabama.
Alabama’s defense has stars and studs all over the field. They can stuff a fourth and one run, defend one-on-one, keep a quarterback’s attention off their downfield receivers, and be wide-eyed with incoming rushers drawing a bead on him. They drag every opponent into one of their worst offensive performances of the season. They are almost as good as the offensive line is bad, and that’s saying a lot.
Reichard is just Mr. Reliability, in Will I trust. In close games, and Alabama finds themselves in too many of those lately, Reichard can mean the difference. His right foot is the most important appendage on the Alabama football team right now. His three-point production is now a thing of legacy.
Alabama’s receivers are a bit different from the fleet-footed, can’t be covered receivers of Bama’s recent past. These are guys who’ll use muscle to contest every catch, run for extra yards after contact, and fight for every inch they can earn. Burton, coming off an injury just last week, gutted out 197 yards and two touchdowns and others made tough catches in traffic without flinching.
And then there’s Jalen Milroe. Saban gave every other quarterback every opportunity to take his job when it wasn’t sure he was to be the man to lead this offense. While team members and especially the fans weren’t sure who should take the reigns, Milroe didn’t panic, didn’t let it deter his focus or his faith.
He was known as “the running quarterback”, maybe another Blake Sims game-managing type QB. In Saturday’s game, you could tell A&M had little respect for his arm talent and dared Alabama to beat them by throwing the ball. They used a “spy” all night, whose main job was to stand and watch Milroe and keep him from breaking loose and using his running ability. That put more Alabama players in one-to-one matchups and loose zones that Milroe exploited when he needed to.
He went 21/31 for 321 yards passing, stats that anyone would agree is a great night for a team with a defense as highly rated as the Aggies. In the end, Jimbo Fisher and the Aggies didn’t believe Milroe could beat them with his arm and he proved them wrong.
He shook off a crucial interception and responded by leading his team on two more big scoring drives. Miroe proved that you could place the weight of the whole offense on his right arm and he could handle it. Future opponents will sigh deeply watching that film, while they come to that realization themselves.
Yet as well as he handled the pressure, the rushing defensive linemen all night, and the lack of any real rushing production, there was still room for improvement. This is not the same apprehensive young man who quarterbacked this team to a season-opening loss earlier in the season. This is now a composed leader who has a “just get me the ball back and I got this” mentality.
If Milroe was a stock on the stock exchange, you’d say he’s a hot stock. His graph would be going upward. His stats, performance, and overall worth are going nowhere but up. By all indications, you’d be a fool to sell that stock anytime soon, and at least this old sportswriter thinks it’s going to continue to rise for a while.
So there’s the “what’s wrong” and “what’s right” on the team right now, and here’s the conclusion. I once heard Paul “Bear” Bryant say, “I can coach a lot of things, but I can’t coach speed. You’ve either got it or you don’t. But I can take a young man that’s willing to do more than he could yesterday, that’s willing to learn his job and build his body and mind to a higher standard, and make him a player.”
If Saban, or coach Eric Wolford, the offensive line coach, can do those things with the offensive linemen, then this team may prevail. They’re all physically gifted with size, strength and stamina. These coaches just need to “get under the hood” and fine-tune them, and get their minds right.
If they can do that, there will be a lot more right and very little wrong.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama, and now just writes for fun when he can, or he’s not traveling.
My oh my, thought I was gonna die! Last week had some thrilling games and for me, two big upsets. Folks, this year it’s getting harder and harder to predict what’s coming down the road and there’s more this week to scratch your head over this week and I’m sure after the games too, some of us my be asking “Why didn’t I see this coming?”
So let’s get our smart cookies and eat up, let’s watch the replays one more time, let’s examine the injury lists again, and give this week our best shot and see if we get these things right without a slip-up. So here we go!
LSU at Missouri – When the Bayou Bengals bus up to the Midwest Meeyowers Cat box, it may be a sho’nuff Tiger fight, but the Bengal brand of Tiger in this fight has a little longer teeth and a lot longer claws so the home crowd may not like the way this fight turns out.
LSU seems to have forgotten themselves since they played so well after the first-of-the-season stumble and that’s good news for Mizzou who has had problems with much lesser opponents but still found a way to win before catching fire last week and looking great.
Lost Wages, Nevada says LSU comes back to their senses, but I’m going with the upset if you can call a 5-0 team beating a 3-2 team an upset. I see LSU spiraling the drain, but the way both these team can pile up points, it’s not a pick without a little panic. Larry’s loser – LSU
Western Michigan at Mississippi State – Looking forward to getting win number three under their belts and getting back to some winning ways, the Bulldogs invite the Broncos down to Starkvegas to hand them a big check and butt whipping.
These Broncos are going to be more like a kid’s birthday party pony ride when it comes to how high they can haul their hoofs, so this won’t be a game worth the gander, so grab the remote and start clicking away.
Without further ado, let’s list the cupcake up and put Western Michigan on Larry’s Losers list.
Alabama at Texas A&M – In the thrilling game of the day, the Tusked ones from Tuscaloosa travel to Texas to tussle with Fisher’s Farmhands in College Station, and a lot of questions are going to be answered after this one.
The last time the Aggies entertained the Tide in Texas, they aggravated the entire Tide nation by tumbling the Tide down the rankings with a loss and they say an Elephant don’t forget.
Now I know that lots of folks think that it’s high Tide in Tuscaloosa again after the recent wins, but they’re not in Tuscaloosa this week, and it could be closer than most think, but still, I see an easy win and we’ll put Texas A&M on the loser’s list and go on to the next pick.
Vanderbilt at Florida – When Vandy goes to Gainesville this Saturday, they’re still remembering that last year they laid a lumpin’ on these Lizards of the large variety and they think they can do it again this year too.
But this is a different gang of Gators and this year they show up with a defense, so once again the Song City Sailors with be singing a little tune of their own and it comes from an old Hee Haw show. It goes something like, “Doom, despair, and misery on me”……
So as these Sailor Boys get the boat chewed out from under them and go down with the ship one more time, we’ll list Vanderbilt as Larry’s loser.
Kentucky at Georgia – The Kentucky Kitties creep into Athens and hope to lay an ambush on the Bulldogs when they spring out from the hedges in the Dog’s backyard. And looking at last week’s games that’s a plan that could work out.
Now if Kirby’s Canines take this assault on their home turf a little too lightly, these Cats have a way of making you pay. But hopefully, these Bulldogs will sniff out this deception and end this battle before it ever gets started, because if the Dogs let these Cats jump out early and get momentum, it could be the other way.
So while I think this will be a fun one to watch for a while, the Woofers wear them down and that will make Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Arkansas at Ole Miss – When the Hogs hear the Rebs doing their best Hog Call to lure these swine to be the main course of the next tailgate feast, it’s possible they may get more than they bargained for.
After all, these Hogs have already sent out shockwaves by upsetting teams that took ’em a little lightly. But with the memory of having a good team just slip through their fingers, maybe they’ll muster enough defense to win a track meet.
There are going to be lots of points piled up on the board tonight, but I think when the final tabulation is done, the Reb’s number will be higher and Larry’s loser will be Arkansas.
Well, that’s our best stab to murder the odds of another perfect week of picks, but I’d be lying if I said I had a high confidence level with one or two of these picks. But isn’t that the fun of watching a little SEC on SEC action?
So get your game on, fight for the comfiest chair, make sure you’re in charge of the remote, and get ready for some football. Cheer for your favorites, laugh at the others and pray your team isn’t on the loser’s list by the end of the day. Then we’ll see you back here next week and do it all over again!
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
Alabama looked dominating at times against a Mississippi State team that is of mediocre status. Milroe seemed efficient in distributing only 12 passes, completing 10 of them. However, at just over 13 yards on average per catch, it was mostly a dink-and-dunk safe pass performance.
Combine this with the fact that when your quarterback is your leading rusher, it’s not always a good thing. Milroe’s 69 yards outpaced McClellan’s 63. Yards per carry by the main running backs were just over 4 yards a carry. That’s not going to cut it against better teams. As long as opposing teams can predominately play the run defense, it won’t get much better.
The old adage that a good running game sets up the passing game for success or vice-versa, is certainly true. But what if neither the running or passing game is clicking? Despite the big win, that was Alabama’s problem this past Saturday.
Now I’ve put the bad news out first so I could end with the good and leave things on a high note. Though the offensive ceiling seems low right now, the chance of raising that ceiling is high.
As Milroe gains confidence and the coaches gain confidence in him, the limited playbook they’ve been calling will be increased. With the Tide’s domination on defense, there was little reason or cause to open the offensive playbook. With what seems to be a tougher team on the schedule this weekend, that may not be the case and Alabama may open up a bit more than we’ve seen. One sure thing is that Milroe needs the practice and the confidence for the even bigger games to come.
I was once offered a job by MGM’s gaming division in Las Vegas to help set the odds in college football games. I understand the reasoning behind their spreads and I say this not to boast, but to give insight into the following statements.
After the win against Mississippi State, I felt the spread against A&M would be at least 7.5 points. However, Bama’s offense failed to impress the oddsmakers, and the 2.5 point spread should put a chip on the Tide’s shoulders this week. Not only did Bama’s offense not impress them, the A&M defense did impress them and they look for the Tide’s offense output to struggle.
Using my prediction is worth what you paid for it. With that said, I expect the offense to raise that ceiling this Saturday and Alabama to win by at least 11 points, aided of course by another dominating performance by the defense.
By Tennessee and LSU time, I expect the Tide’s offensive woes to be over and the team ready for a playoff run to the SEC Championship Game. Milroe may never be another Bryce Young, but offense coordinator Tommy Rees will have developed a playbook that can and will exploit the strengths the new quarterback possesses.
Whether this offensive ceiling gets high enough for another national championship is still in doubt, but the fact that it will rise and will keep rising is not.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama, and now just writes for fun when he can, or he’s not traveling.
Well, we celebrated last week’s perfect pack of predictions so much, that this week’s may be woeful due to the increased alcohol content in our system from the celebrations. But we’ll plow through the hangovers and hope to show you that lightning can strike the same place twice!
So with the midpoint of the regular season breathing down our necks, let’s continue to enjoy all these games while we still can because we’re fixing to be on the downhill side of the season and before you know you it, we’ll all be wondering where it went.
So let’s get listing those losers, have a laugh or two, and see if we can replicate our recipe for responsible reporting and get the guesses all perfect again.
Florida at Kentucky – Both teams are coming off big wins and think they have the wind at their back, so when Florida flies up to the Feline family’s fatherland in the Blue Grass state, somebody’s sure to be upset when the final whistle blows.
Now the Gators have a big win over a solid SEC team while the Kentuck Cats have some wins over a bunch of lightweights, so it’s hard to tell from combined competitions just who the real high rollers are.
Lost Wages says the Cats will be the kings and I usually go with the home team in close games, but my heart is saying that the Gators have proven something and the Cats have just competed with creme puffs. So I’m bucking the know-it-alls and going with the upset. Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Texas A&M at Arkansas – The Hogs play host to the Fisher’s Farm Boys and the Aggies are hoping that the general rule that Farmers rule the Hogs is true and that these Swine won’t stampede the stockades stifle the dreams of the Dirt Farmers this season.
Jimbo knows a thing or two about getting in the mud and taking the fight to a foe and he about to let these Pigs give him reason for a pity party and he should be baking the bacon before the final whistle blows.
So let’s just get this one in the books and go one with the others, because I believe I got this one right and we’ll list Arkansas as Larry’s loser.
Georgia at Auburn – Kirby’s Canines come a calling at Auburn where it can be a bad place for visitors at night, but this is a day game and if Auburn thought last week’s game was an ego bruiser, they ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
There’ll be better days down the road for the Tigers and Hugh Freeze will have his Tabbies tabulating triumphs in the tomorrows, but today ain’t that day and they’re gonna get a new one ripped and the cat fur’s gonna fly.
But it’s all just a part of football and today they’ll be just another loser so we’ll just write this one up, put ’em on the list, and make Larry’s loser Auburn
Missouri at Vanderbilt – The Midwestern Meeyowers mosey over to the Sailor’s Singing City to see if they keep the ball rolling, racking up the wins, and getting to play in post-season with the big boys.
Vanderbilt would be a better team in a lesser league, but somebody has to be in the cellar and Vanderbilt will play the game of lowered expectations again this weekend and go down with ship one more time.
So while it surprises no one, we’ll list this semi-permanent participant in the poop place in the SEC and make Larry’s lose Vanderbilt.
LSU at Ole Miss – The Tigers travel to take on the Rebels over in Oxford, and they’re struttin’ their stuff as they think they’ve got their groove back after two wins over pretty good SEC competition.
Meanwhile, the Rebs are lickin’ their wounds from a late-game Elephant stomping at the hands of Alabama. Now I’d like to tell you that Lane’s learned his lesson about letting a big boy off the hook, but I just don’t think he’s got the muscle for this tussle either.
So even though I can’t wait to see this game play out, ‘cuz I can see ways that either could win, I gotta go with my gut and put Ole Miss on Larry’s loser’s list one more time.
South Carolina at Tennessee – We think Beamer Ball will bounce well for the Carolina Cluckers one day, but this is a night game and Tennessee has a defense and the Roosters just want one.
So when the Feathered Fooballers flap over to Tennessee there won’t be much to crow about after these Vols gorge themselves on a big Chicken dinner.
After the plucking that these boys in Orange do to this Col. Sanders Squad, it’ll be painfully obvious that we listed the right loser and we see it as South Carolina.
Alabama at Mississippi State – The Tusked ones from Tuscaloosa travel down to Starkvegas for a little tussle on a Saturday night, and since an Elephant never forgets, Big Al will remind the Tide that a night game in any SEC stadium adds an electricity that really helps the home team.
But after the question marks that marred the early season, Saban ain’t about to let these Leg Humpers give the folks any more reason to doubt the Tide. Still there are questions some fans still have, such as why do they start so slow?
The big question is how much the home field adds for the Dogs ‘cuz if these Crimson boys allow these Flea Bags to keep it too close, it could be a mistake, but we see the Tide drowning these Dogs and make Mississippi State Larry’s loser.
Photo Rogelio V. Solis, AP
Well that’s it for this week folks. After re-reading these picks there’s just an feeling in the air that I missed one this week, but we’re hoping for the best. So far this season, the one thing that sticks out like a streaker on a football feild is that overall, the gap between the haves and the have nots isn’t as wide as usual and the SEC just doesn’t look like the Big Bad Wolf this season, but in reality, few teams anywhere have that unbeatable look.
So that just makes my job a little harder. The upset bug has been busy biting ballers on the butt all season and it could still happen hard the rest of the season. So stack up your snacks, put fresh batteries in the remotes to roam the football universe, and we’ll see how it goes, and see you back next week.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER , AND FEEL FREE TO POST THIS ON YOUR OWN FACEBOOK PAGE TO SHARE WITH FRIENDS.
Individuals get beaten several times each game, a group of individuals lose games more often than they win, but men who form themselves into a team win a lot more than they lose. That’s not just my philosophy on football, it’s a truth that transcends most things in life.
Great men have always realized this, though many have related that notion with different words and sentiments for different endeavors. Coach Bryant once put it this way.
After a lengthy quarterback battle, a shuffling of players at different positions, and a tough SEC win under their belt, the Alabama players now know they have their best players in the right place. They know which backup players have value and can be counted on. They know they can trust their coaches, but most of all, they know they can trust each other.
From here, there is nowhere to go but toward the future. Every goal, except for an undefeated season, is still within their grasp. There is no more room for error, and they should only have one doubt left. And that is, “Am I going to let my teammates down or will I continue to improve each day, each play to help my team attain greatness?”
Jalen Milroe is the man, he will lead this offense. Dallas Turner will lead this defensive front. Kool-Aid MKinstry will run the defensive backs. Each will grow and become more than just an example of toughness, both will keep becoming stronger and more vocal leaders. Lord knows this group needs more player leadership and they are finally coming forward.
This is not the same team that started play on September 2nd of this year, nor do they have the same mindset. Like the video I hope you just watched, Saban has the right butts in the right seats now. It’s go time now, time to pull this bus away from the curb.
It’s a shame to Saban that it took three games into the season to get this team together and it’s not a finished project. Looking at this team, there’s still places that need polishing, refining or whatever you want to call it. But at least it’s a case of better late than never, or maybe in this case while there’s still a chance to win it all. They walked right up to the cliff’s edge of the point of no return, only to get turned around.
The question of where this team goes is still left to be decided, that’s up to them, but how they go forward is not. They go forward from here unified, with one mindset, with one heartbeat with one goal. And for all the folks who couldn’t wait to declare this dynasty is over, you’ll learn not to be so premature to make a splashy headline or be like a child yelling for attention.
This team will decide when it’s over, not the talking heads. The only other people that will matter or have any real say in the future are the teams Alabama will face. And it doesn’t take a genius to know they shudder at the thought that Alabama is finally a team, unified, goal-oriented and a little pissed off.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama, and now just writes for fun when he can, or he’s not traveling.
Nick Saban is all about teaching moments. So if anyone thought he played three quarterbacks early in the season because he wasn’t sure who should lead the team, you don’t know Saban.
Going through spring and fall practice, Saban could see where the chips lay for that position, and he also knew that the offensive line would take some time to gel and come around. That meant the quarterback who was quickest afoot would be the one needed, both to make up for a struggling offensive line and to make the best of a quickly collapsing pocket.
But each quarterback thought they should be the starter, and many of the players had their favorites and lord knows the fans all had different thoughts. To be brutally honest, Nick Saban doesn’t give a damn what the fans think or who their favorite players are or who they think should be the starter, but he is concerned that the players feel they are playing with the guys that give them the best chance to win. So he played the quarterback carousel so both the quarterbacks and the team could see for themselves who that man was.
Buckner fell flat on his face against inferior talent and Simpson did only marginally better against those same South Florida players. Milroe rode the pine and Saban gave him the chance to show if he could play the role of a leader from that indignation. He did. The players saw it and Milrose felt it. To everyone on the team, and that was everyone that mattered to Saban, the right quarterback was now apparent to all.
Now that Milroe was the guy, the team had someone to rally around, someone to support. But both Milroe and the offensive line still had rust to knock off and it was apparent to all in the first half. I was not privy, nor was anyone outside the team, what was said at halftime. But I’d bet it went along the lines of, “The defense is carrying our water right now, but they can’t win the game without the offense getting their shit together. They can’t do it with people making stupid penalties that are costing us touchdowns. Our offensive line needs their heads out of their butts so we can convert a third and two or give our quarterback the chance to see more than the guys in the other uniforms running toward him unabated!”
But whatever was said, a different mindset came out of that locker room, and a team that went into the locker room behind the scoreboard to an inferior team, came out of it and left no doubt who the best team was.
Was this the turning point that Saban wanted to revitalize this team and make a contender out of them? Only time will tell. What worked for one game may not work for the rest of the season. Milrose is still well from being polished and reliable in the same way his immediate predecessors were, but he is capable.
The defense, which finally reared its head and looked like an Alabama defense, still has to face an elite talent at quarterback or a first-round pick running back. Still, the pieces look to be in place. However, you can’t see the heart from the stands or attitude, although all seemed to take a big step forward, especially the defensive backs.
Before this game, the team and fans were all fragmented on who the quarterback should be, but they left this game cohesive that Milrose is the man. It was as if more than quarterbacks were gelled in their roles, the entire team came together. There were no fragments.
Nick Saban knew he had to get this quarterback crap gone and instead of having players worry about that, start focusing their attention on their own jobs and how they need to improve themselves to make this a better team.
Saban had to fill the role of coach, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and father of all these young men to get here. But it’s a role he’s done before and a role he’s perfected in all these years, and if every player had to take a ride on this carousel to get here, he’d do it.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
Can you you believe at the end of this week we’re almost one-third done with this football season? That’s why you need to chew all these games down to the bone and clean it like an ant, because before you know it, it’s all slipped away.
Now here we are in the heat of some serious SEC on-SEC action and these games will start mattering more. So with that in mind, let’s get going and start signing up the losers.
Auburn at Texas A&M – The worn Eagles wearily wander into the back 40 in College Station where they keep the stadium stored and hope to establish themselves as a team not be trifled with, but Fisher’s Farm Hands ain’t about to let that happen in their own backyard.
Now if these tired Tigers can find an offense, maybe they can make this a contest, But against anybody but cupcakes, that hasn’t been happening.
Plus Jimbo’s butt is getting warmer all the time, so there’s a big incentive for him to put in the time to come up with a way for a win in this one and put Auburn on Larry’s Losers
Kentucky at Vanderbilt – The Kentucky Kitties bring their cat show to Song City, Tennessee to claw up the Commodores and send them sinking to the bottom one more time this season and while they’ve had some fancy flashes so far this season, these sad sack Sailors don’t seem destined to deny the Cats their due.
This game could be a good one to watch though, as anything could happen and the Swabbies aren’t all that bad. Momentum is everything and if the Wildcats that this game for granted, it could be an upset.
But we don’t think they’ll make it to the end of game dry, so another sinking for Sailors puts Vanderbilt on the loser’s list.
Ole Miss at Alabama – The Rebels ramble over to T-Town to try and climb a rung or two up the SEC ladder while Alabama is still trying to get their first win over a quality team and prove that they are Pachyderms to be proud of.
But these Rebs have waged war with Bama before and come out on top and they think this is the year they can do it again and given that the boys from Bama have a lot more to prove than these Mississippi men, we have the feeling that it could be a goodie.
This could be one of the most entertaining games of the day, but we think the home cooking and defense help the Tiders tag this week’s loser and we’re gonna make it Ole Miss.
UTSA at Tennessee – The flalander Roadkill, uh I mean Roadrunners, roll up to the rolling hills of Tennessee to vie with the Vols in a sea of orange. It’s getting kinda late for another cupcake clash, but here it is.
So let’s rummage the remote and roll over to another game to gander. This game is in doubt less that Joe Biden’s guilt for grabbing cash with the crack addict son.
So let’s just list UTSA on the loser’s list and go on to the next pick with a little more contest in it.
Arkansas at LSU – The Bayou Bengals do their Hog calling to lure in the Razorbacks for what they think could be an easy SEC win. But when the Hogs haul themselves down to the Big Baton Rouge they’ve got their own plans.
These Pigs can play so hot and get so cold it’s hard to tell which Swine will show up. But them Bengal boys aren’t looking like the same team from week one either, so it could all depend on which team shows up for both sides.
The boys in Lost Wages see this as a blowout ballgame, but if you squint your eyes just right, you can see it as a closer game, but still we think the loser in the end will be Arkansas.
Charlotte at Florida – The Gators done went and decided to be a football team after all this season, and last week’s warfare with the Vols shocked many of us around the SEC. So this week when they entertain a cupcake, it’s kind of a letdown.
So we’ll have to wait till next week to see if their intensity against the big boys can continue, but this game isn’t one worth watching.
So list us Charlotte as this week’s loser and let’s go on to some more exciting picks.
UAB at Georgia – Anytime Georgia beats a team from Bama it’s a day worth celebrating, even if it’s when they invite the Bama little brothers from Birmingham over.
So the Dragons drag into Athens to pick up a payday and pummeling in a game that’s going to be one-sided from the get-go.
So use that remote and flip on to another contest that’ll be a lot more entertaining. Larry’s loser – UAB
Memphis at Missouri – Now here’s a cat fight that might be worth watching. When the Tennessee Tabbies travel over to Mizzou to try and maul the Midwest Meeyowers it could be a great Tiger vs Tiger tussle.
For those that don’t know, these Meeyowers from near Mud Island have been fighting the big boys just fine over the past few years and this game may not be any different.
The Mizzou Meeyowers shocked a bunch of us last week with a big win we didn’t see coming and we think that maybe they’ll carry their momentum on to skin these Cats from Tennessee. Larry’s loser – Memphis
Mississippi State at South Carolina – Here are two teams that also play up and down like yoyos, so when the Mississippi Mutts meander into the Chicken coop in the Carolinas, we don’t see an easy pick.
Sometimes you just have to go with your gut, and I was high on Beamer Ball since before the first game of the season, so I’m still leaning toward those Carolina Cluckers.
Whoever gets the hot hand in this one could be the one to come out on top and this is going to be a game worth staying up for folks, but in the end, we’re putting Mississippi State on Larry’s losers list.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. With all the upsets we haven’t been perfect yet and although this is just week four, we don’t have many fingernails left as there have been so many nail-biters already.
So stock up your snacks, put some fresh batteries in the remote and get ready for great SEC games. Yes, Heaven is going to be grand, but until then, SEC football is the closest thing we’ll have to heaven on earth. See you next week folks!
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
I’ve been told that this column has become a drinking game staple. People are challenged to read these picks aloud and have to take a shot for each time they read a prediction segment wrong. I had no idea until this season that this was so prevalent to pigskin parties around the SEC.
I myself was challenged and three shots later, it only got harder. It was almost as hard as picking these darn games. Folks, I’m not the only one who’s mind must have wandered last week as I missed three games and that’s getting into unforgiveable territory to a usually elite picker. Bama and A&M let us down and Auburn was the blind squirrel who found an acorn. If my picks don’t start improving, I may have to take another look at retirement from all but travel writing!
So with humbleness and earnestness, let’s get our nose back to the grindstone and pick it up! And maybe the SEC should do that too, they’re not looking like beatdown conference like they usually do.
LSU at Mississippi State – The Bayou Bengals bus up to Starkvegas in hopes of not just finding a win, but finding their manhood after the devastating declawing week one by the Painted Face Floridians. This game will mean something that the cupcake contest last week didn’t.
These Tigers were trounced by the Tallahassians because they had no answer for the air attack and the Bulldog’s ball flinger can get as hot as anyone if he’s allowed to get his groove going. So this ain’t one to take lightly.
Still, we at the loser’s lair just see a little more talent on the Tiger’s side of the tablet, so we’ll risk our reputation by seeing the Dogs in the scratch and dent section of the SEC making Larry’s loser – Mississippi State
Kansas State at Missouri – The Widcats wander into the Midwest Meeyowers backyard for a cat fight football faceoff and this is going to be an intriguing contest that could go either way.
The boys in Lost Wages and most of the talking heads around the tube say that Missouri is about to start it’s downward spiral in this game and while we hate to follow the crowd, I just haven’t seen enough fire in these Missou Felines to get a win in this one.
So while we hate to pick against the the SEC when they take on a terrible conference, we have our integrity to think of, and that puts Missouri on this loser’s list.
South Carolina at Georgia – In week one, Beamer Ball bounced into the street and was run over by a bus full of Tar Heels. Now they’re dancing with the Dogs in the Bowwower’s backyard? It won’t be a happy outcome as a van load of Viagra couldn’t help these Cocks from going limp in this laughable game.
It may be interesting only to see what sorts of shenanigans Shane Beamer might come up to try and make this a contest when most think he can’t.
Still, despite any tricks, the treats go to the Dogs as they list up another loser on their own list and write in South Carolina as Larry’s loser.
Alabama at South Florida – The Tuscaloosa Tusked Ones travel to Tampa to trample the BS out of the native Bulls and few think any other thing could happen in this one. Even if they do experiment with new quarterbacks.
They’ll be plenty of opportunity for the Crimson coaches to consider the second and third stringers in this glorified practice game at Raymond James, stadium that is. And maybe someone will teach the offensive line to be less offensive in their play!
So unless you’re just a “can’t miss a game Crimson Tider” keep the remote handy as their is better football just a click away, unless you like a going back to school game. Larry’s loser – South Florida
UL Monroe at Texas A&M – The Warhawks wobbly wander into the south 40 of Aggieland and these farmers are about to feast on Warhawks with herb rice and everything nice in this fight with feathered footballers.
I mean, with the right BBQ sauce, they taste like chicken and the Aggies should be able to name their own score in this one-sided slaughter and after getting blown out by a Hurricane last week, they need this rest.
So Jimbo’s boys get one step closer to going back bowling and Larry racks up another for his list. Larry’s loser – UL Monroe like you did not know.
Tennessee at Florida – You can’t spell FUTILITY without the big F and though the losing Lizards have Gators on their helmet and not an F as in days gone by, that’s something that may need to be considered after this game.
So when the Tribe for Tennessee travels to Gainesville to gather up Alligator hides for a new stash of shoes, don’t expect an upset win, just upset Gator fans as they once again say, wait till next year.
With better games on the tube, tickle your remote and find some fabulous football and escape the Florida fiasco. Larry’s loser – Florida
Samford at Auburn – Oh the Tiger fans get so excited when they claw up a cupcake. But they scratched up a good opponent last week, so maybe we have to rethink these Tiggers from chigger country and give them their due. A win is afer all still win, no matter how ugly.
Now Auburn’s used to playing Bulldogs, and they usually get bit when they do, but when these bumbling bunch of Bulldogs start barking in Auburn’s backyard, they’re gonna get a comeuppance to go along with the big check.
Yes, this is as cupcake as you could find in any bakery, but the Auburn fans will love it and surely make Larry’s loser – Samford
Vanderbilt at UNLV – The Song City Sailors can’t sail off to this desert destination of the not so hot Rebels, so they’ll charter a plane to Lost Wages and spin the wheel for a win in that stadium just outside of town.
Now since most folks consider Vandy a cupcake, this could be more evenly matched than most think. The rascally Rebs can put up points and will make a contest out of this and it could be one to watch.
We think this could be the upset we missed, but I’m still hanging onto the hope that the Swabbies won’t let me down and make Larry’s loser – UNLV
Georgia Tech at Ole Miss – The Ramblin’ Wreck from Ga. Tech motors over to the Grove for some Southern charm and tantalizing tailgating and to see if the Yellow Jackets they brought can sting the Rebs into submission.
But coach Kiffin has loaded up on the bug spray and the only stinging will be in the bodies of these Techers from the pounding they’ll take. Last week they had a scare put in them for about three quarters, but not today.
This one’s going to get ugly quick, so keep the remote handy and seek out a more gratifying game. Larry’s loser – Ga. Tech
BYU at Arkansas – The Cougars caravan back East to party with the Piggies for a little football in Fayetville, and while these BYU Boys have a history of spoiling their opponent’s Saturdays, somebody better consult these Kitties and tell them that this year, these Hogs rooted up a good defense.
BYU is not a bad team, but these Hogs with tusks are going to make them look like they are. Yes Arkansas is gonna make these Mormans pray for better days and lesser opponents in church following this game.
This ain’t what the Mormans had in mind when they scheduled this, because the sure loser in this one is BYU.
Akron at Kentucky – When the Zips skip into Kentucky for that big payday and butt kicking, they’ll find that a Wildcat can indeed kick butt better than an Outback Hopper.
Mark Stoops may not ever make the shining star show at the end of the year, but his Wildcats are always going to be ready, well disciplined and they’ll never lose a cupcake game like this in their own home turf.
So we’re counting on on these Kentucky Kitties to finish out our perfect week of picks and put Akron on the list of Larry’s loser.
Well that’s it for this week folks and just like you, we’re hoping for bigger and better things. After three losses last week, we put some transmission fluid in our rum and Coke hoping it would help us get our ass in gear. Let’s see if it worked and we’ll see you back next week.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
Well folks, if you’re a cupcake lover, there’s plenty of pastries to peruse this weekend. But we do have enough good games to get us scratching our heads and having to put in the heavy research that makes us the premier pigskin pickers you can partake in.
Though we did predict the Reptile rout against Utah, we really were as wrong as could be in the Tiggers loss to the Semitrucks, I mean the Seminoles and when the Cocks went limp in the Carolina contest, that was our second wrong. Coach Gene Chizik had those Cluckers so clucked up, they couldn’t get a run going with a case of Ex-Lax. So we are 13 out of 15 so far this season and still not proud of it.
Soon we’ll be getting some serious SEC on SEC action going, but let’s just load up on the cold adult refreshing beverages and suffer through another week of mostly cupcake clashes and wait ’em out. With that said, here we go!
Vanderbilt at Wake Forest – The Commodores weigh the anchor and sail off to North Carolina to try and tame the Demon Deacons.
Vandy got off to a great start last week but the Song City Sailors are sure to sink this week as these Pulpit Praying players will only use their divinity training to read last rights over the Swabbies as they dip beneath the waves.
Still, it isn’t a cupcake game, well at least not for the Commodores, so it might bear watching just to see how close they can keep it. Larry’s Loser – Vanderbilt
Ball State at Georgia – The crappy Cardinals fly South a little early to try and peck the Pooches on their own home porch. But Kirby’s Canines ain’t about to let these birdbrains flap in and flaw their season.
So expect to see a sea of red feathers between the hedges and fangs of these Fidos. Kirby will let ’em run it up and keep their confidence going, so the other afternoon game will start looking much better to watch.
So let’s get it typed and make it official and there’s no hope for a contest in this cupcake clash. Larry’s Loser – Ball State
Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky – When the Colonels collide with the Kentucky Kitties it’s gonna feel like a colonoscopy for the Colonels. But something tells me that big check will make it all feel better.
Coach Stoops has his cat show purring and scratching these sorry soldiers to sherds won’t be a problem. Make sure you put fresh batteries in the remote this week too, because a lot of clicking will be going on.
In a route they deserve for playing a pushover, you can safely land as Larry’s Losers as Eastern Kentucky.
Texas A&M at Miami – Jimbo had a team last year that couldn’t win a bingo game when they needed to. What was supposed to be a hot year turned into a hot seat year this year. To cool his buns Fisher fished out an old offensive genius from the past to get these Aggies to outpoint the parities they’ll face this season.
So when a credible ACC team shows up on the schedule like this Big Wind wonders from the Sun, Sand and Sin capital of Florida, then this is a game you had better gander.
So while we can’t wait to see this game, and think it will be a good one, we couldn’t be surer of the loser we’re picking and that team is Miami.
Ole Miss at Tulane – Practically neighbors, the Green Wave rolls in Oxford and this might not be as cupcake as first appearances seem. Sure, the Rebels should roust these rogue waves, but if they don’t jump on ’em early, the Green Waves may go high tide and try and put a drowning on these Johnny Rebs.
Lane had it easy last week and this is at least a tougher team, so let’s just hope there’s no letdown this week, because we feel pretty prodigious with the pick.
Whether it’s close or whether it is a cupcake clash, we’re sure that the Rebs pull this one off and make Larry’s Loser Tulane.
Kent State at Arkansas – The Golden Flashes fly into Fayetteville, to fake being a worthy opponent to these pigs for a paycheck and Pig pounding, and with better contests to consider, click the cupcake away.
Later on the Hogs may need this W when the going gets tough, so they won’t mind where it came from, so let the tusks tear, let the Flashes be put out and soon we’ll have some SEC on SEC weeks and life will be good again.
So you don’t need to know dictation to write up Larry’s Losers in this laughable supposed-to-be a football game. Larry’s Loser – Kent State
Austin Peay at Tennessee – Well looky, looky, glory be, Austin Peay’s at Tennessee! Like we didn’t get enough cupcakes last week! Yes, the Governors go down to Knocksville town where they’ll be indicted as a bad team and impeached.
But we don’t think that will put the Lt. Governors in charge next week as they’ll be pardoned for procuring a prideful payday and filling the coffers.
So will the Peay players pee their pants for the beating they’ll take in this one? We’re not sure, but we’re recommending gold pants just in case. Larry’s Loser – Austin Peay
Texas at Alabama – The Longhorns travel to Titletown to take on the Tusked Ones and this could be a battle royal. This is the year the Burger to Be Boys are supposed to turn things around and many feel they could give Crimson-clad lads a lesson in humility.
Everyone is seeing this as a close game, but see it as a multi-score scorching as the Tide turns these beef boys into some medium rare filets. And old mullet head, the BS QB, said he’d cut his mohawk if they lost to the Tide last year, and didn’t. Don’t you hate a liar?
The Tide has settled upon a sensational signal caller and if these receivers have the day they’re capable of, it’ll be an easy pick. Larry’s Loser – Texas
Middle Tennessee at Missouri – Like they didn’t get enough of a butt whipping last week when they took on the Tide, this week the Blue Raiders get their black and blue bruises from the Midwest Meyowers and get yet another big check from the SEC to fill the athletic account for the year.
Missouri is still trying to find their way back to the top of the East and while this isn’t going to be that year, they’ll look like a million bucks in this cupcake clash.
So click away and please don’t stay, find a game that isn’t tame. This one’s hard to love but easy to pick. Larry’s Loser -Middle Tennessee
Grambling and LSU – Grambling has a proud tradition, but that won’t help them when they sashay into the swamp this weekend. It’s all about cashing that check and trying to simply survive.
The ain’t a tussle ‘tween two Tigers as one might think, but a Tiger pouncing on a Pussycat, and it won’t be Tiger fur flying in this one, just Kitty fur and fuzz.
And this is why God let us invent remote controls as you’ll use your to click this crap away and get on with a good game. Larry’s loser – Grambling
McNeese at Florida – O Lord my diabetes is about to kick in with all these cupcakes. So when McNeese moseys into Gainesville for a stack of cash and woodshed whipping you just know how this one’s going to go.
The Gators need some creme puff clashes like this, but with bigger games coming up, they might end up wishing they could have toughened up these lackluster Lizards a bit more.
But it’s not a worry this week as the Swamp Lizards claw a new one on these Cowboys. That’ll make it an an easy pick as Larry’s Loser will undoubtedly to McNeese.
Arizona at Mississippi State – The Mildcats from the desert drag up to Starkvegas to see if they can compete with an SEC underling and this one might be worth a watch just to see if they can.
Now while Mildcats are not a creme puff, they ain’t SEC quality either. But I’m thinking this could be a lot closer than the boys in Lost Wages think it will be.
This is the Mississippi Mutt’s game to lose and I just don’t think they’ll drop the ball or the bone in this one. So with a little nervousness, let’s list Larry’s loser as Arizona.
Furman at South Carolina – There aren’t 25 people who’ll read this that even know what a Paladin is outside of their own fans. But when these armored Knights come a calling in the Carolinas, they’re going to be crushed into cubes like an old junk yard car.
I’ve got a funny feeling that Beamer Ball is alive and well and that last season wasn’t just a flash in the pan and this is just the start to another season of wins for these Cluckers.
So yes, it’s lights out for these Knight’s out and the last of the creme puff picks are over and you can rack up Furman as the last loser of the weekend.
Auburn at California – Last season both these teams were awful, they usually aren’t. So here they are in the BOZO Bowl to see who may escape that mantle this season and start this year with a bang.
I have no doubt that Hugh Freeze will get the Flapping footballers flying high again someday, but it won’t be today, even though Cal hasn’t beaten an SEC team since Ole Miss in 2019. In any event, it’s a great game to watch.
Though Auburn won the last four games against the PAC 10, they were all just one-score wins. This time it’s the Tigers who get caught by the tail making Larry’s loser – Auburn.
Well that’s it for this week folks, maybe next week the cupcake clashes will start subsiding and we’ll have more games worth gandering.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. May the cable bill get paid, may the games you see get better and may we all meet back here next week to do it all over again.
Till then bless you all, everyone, who has supported this insane article for over 25 years. Your warmth, letters, messages, and more kept me writing at least this one despite my wife’s insistence that I concentrate more on traveling and less on writing. So let’s all enjoy it while we can!
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
Well sports fans, the handwringing time is over, dry your eyes and get ready for some SEC football once again. Don’t you just love this time of year? Everyone has high hopes and everyone is tied for first place. But by the end of this first week, there are going to be a lot of losers and you’ll need to read on to see if one of them is your favorite team.
Despite being 65, 66 in just a matter of weeks, I had decided to end my years of sportswriting, but after so many letters urging me to continue, even at the smallest point, with just at least this article each week, we’ll give her a try and see if I can fit it into a very busy travel schedule.
So without any further ado, let’s get to listin’ the losers with maybe a few laughs along the way. So here we go.
Hawaii at Vanderbilt – The Commodores don’t usually sail this far west, but this might just be a trip worth taking. The Warriors have been a bit woeful of late and the Song City Swabbies have been on the uptake of late and sink the canoe clan in their home waters.
Coach Lea knows how to stifle an opposing squad and all his Swabbies have to do is manage to put off a few TD’s to send those cocoanut coo coos home crying in their poi.
So with a smile on my face, I’ll gladly prognosticate these pineapple players will be the first on the Loser’s List this fall and the SEC gets off to a good start with Larry’s Loser being Hawaii.
South Dakota at Missouri – The crappy Coyotes from the all but unpopulated state of South Dakota mosey down to Missouri to see if SEC football is really all that and a bag of chips like they’ve heard.
Now Coach Drinkwitz may not have the answers he needs this season, but there’s only one big question to answer in this game and that’s how bad will he let his Tigers trounce these poor flea bags who really just showed up for an SEC payday.
In a game that’ll be as boring as predicted here, this is why God gave us a remote so just take my word for it, put South Dakota on the Loser’s List and spend your time somewhere better suited for the TV talents.
Florida at Utah – The Gators have a handfull in this opening, when they travel way out West to try and wrangle the Utes on their own home field.
Last season Coach Napier didnt’ get the results he wanted, but he may have got the mindset started in the right direction. And while I think this’ll be an entertaining game to gander, I still think he’s missing the few key players he needs to try and have his boys chomp on this team of predominently polished players in their own pen.
Well, at least maybe they’ll make it entertaining as the other game this night won’t be. Either say this’ll be the game I’ll be watching, but in the end, it’ll be the Gators on Larry’s Loser list.
Ball State at Kentucky – The Cardinals come a calling at the Cat House, but it won’t be love they’ll be looking for at this Cat House, it’ll be a big payday and a plucking they’re showing up for and this Kitties won’t keep them waiting for either one.
Coach Stoops has these Felines playing fancy football and they just aren’t the kind of Kitty who’s gonna let a no name come in crap in their Cat Box.
So it’s just another episode of SEC plays a cremepuff to get the automatic win and once again we thank God for remote controls so we won’t have to watch it. Larry’s Loser – Ball State
Virginia at Tennessee – Now here’s a game that’s worth a gander. The Cavaliers didn’t have the season they wanted last year, but they’re not a bunch of bon bons and they could pose a bigger problems for the men in Orange than most folks think.
It’s the first game of the year afterall, and few will be firing on all cylinders so even though all the boys in Lost Wages, Nevada will tell you that this is in fact going to be a runaway, I’m just saying that a wise man knows nothing about the first game of the season is written in stone.
But we’re still confident in our prognostication and we feel that though the Vols without their Hooker won’t be as much fun, they’ll still win this one and that’ll make Larry’s Loser – Virginia
Mercer at Ole Miss – The bumbling Bears from Mercer come to Grove to gravel for a gentle beating and a big old check in yet another disappointing cupcake classic. My goodness, while I hate these games, I love how they help my picking percentage.
Still, with all the cupcake games on the schedule, if you have to watch one, this might be the one just to catch the Kiffin cute sayings and animated sideline behavior. That’s always good for a gaff.
So list up poor old Mercer on Larry’s Loser’s list and enjoy the sideline shots.
UMass at Auburn – At UMAss, they call themselves the Minute Men. That’s because that’s how long they last with their girlfriends and opponents from the SEC. So when the Men from Mass show up at Auburn for a payday and a pounding, I hope you have fresh batteries in the remote.
So new coach Hugh won’t Freeze up in this game and only time will tell if he came because he thought he could win here or just be another coach to work for ESPN while collecting millions from Auburn not to coach.
Do we really need to tell you? List up the Minute Mess from Mass on Larry’s Losers and move on to a better contest.
Western Carolina at Arkansas – Before you started reading this column, how many of you ever knew what a Catamount was? Well when this sorta mountain lion legion lines up against the Razorbacks, it won’t be the little Piggies screaming “We We We!” all the way home.
Things didn’t go as they wanted at the Pig Farm last season, but the Hogs are hoping for a few more wins this season and this cupcake contest will certainly get them off the right start.
So while the Carolina Kitties are killed by the Hogs, keep that remote hot and do a few more clicks, and try and find a real football game. Larry’s Loser – Western Carolina
SE Louisiana at Mississippi State – In this jungle, the mighty Miss jungle, the Lions sleep tonight. Yes, once you’ve sung along that little ditty, you’ll realize what I’m writing. These Louisiana Lions may as well sleepwalk through this cupcake game as the dogs are going to chew through the fur of these felines really quickly.
Zach Arnett may not know what he’s inherited from beloved and passed on Coach Mike Leach, but he’ll learn quickly and thank the past coach for leaving him a team with a lot of fight in it.
So even though it’s a cupcake game for these Bulldogs, it may be worth a watch to see how the new coach does stepping into the shoes of greatness. Larry’s loser – SE Louisiana
UT Martin at Georgia – The Skyhawks swoop into Athens and hope to leave with a few feathers left in their tushies and a great big check for their troubles, pain, and anguish. Jason Simpson says this game will be a good way to measure where his team is in terms of being season ready.
Well, it’s hard to measure backward from zero, and even without the 9-year starter, Bulldog Bennett at quarterback, Kirby’s canines won’t have any trouble piling points up on the scoreboard.
So mark this one down in the miserable column as a cupcake clash and put UT Martin on Larry’s loser’s list.
New Mexico at Texas A&M – The Lobos are loco if they think they’re walking into Texas and getting anything but a butt kicking and a big payday. These flea bitten footballers are going to get more that swatted with a newspaper in this one.
The pressure’s on Jimbo this season to show that the Aggies haven’t blown dozens of millions of dollars down the ditch. So far, that’s about how it’s looking, teetering at just over .500 in the win column with his SEC contests.
So that means Jimbo would run up the score on Our Lady of Lost Lads football team, so this will get ugly fast and stay that way. So use the remote for other endeavors and not put Texas A&M on the loser’s list.
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt – The bumbling breed of Bullogs bus up to Song City and coach Maynor has had a lot of success over his years, but he’s wise enough to know that this is all about a big payday and a . Yes, it’s another cremepuff cakewalk.
Now the Commodores looked high and wide to find two easy wins and they did a good job. These Bulldogs are long since nutured and they’ll run for cover from kickoff to the conclusion of butt kicking. They won’t get whipped this bad since pooping on the guests shoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
So just in case you had any doubt over what the outcome will be, let me assure you that Larry’s loser will be Alabama A&M.
Middle Tennessee at Alabama – I remember the days when Saban would play big games to start the season and now they’re mired in the mud with the all the other SEC teams who are playing powderpuff teams. At least Alabama could argue that they couldn’t find a team that would want to take ’em on.
Now coach Stockstill knows that this ain’t his day and it’s all about picking up the big payday without too many ambulance rides for his players. But you can bet he will have a wrinkle or two up his sleeve and there’s still the matter of Bama not still having a boss ball slinger in the stable, so it’ll be worth the watch just to see how Saban plays his plethora of passers.
But it’s all about listing the losers and that’s an easy pick, so write in Middle Tennessee on this week’s loser’s list.
North Carolina vs South Carolina – Well they saved the best for last, as both these last two are the two to do when it comes to football fancying tonight. So when Tar Heels hope to stomp on these Carolina Cluckers, we at the Loser’s Lair see the first big upset of the day.
We see Beamer Ball is hot and these Gamecocks have a fever and the only cure is to send their cousin Carolinians home with a pounding of big peckers on their noggin. Yes, the boys in Lost Wages, Nevada don’t see it, but we do.
But it’s gonna be a nail-biter and it could go either way, but in the tough games, this is why they pay me the big bucks. Larry’s Loser – North Carolina
LSU at Florida State – Yes, I know it’s in Orlando, but if this ain’t a home cooking contest for the War Paint Players, there ain’t none nowhere. But LSU was raised on the hottest peppers in their gumbo, so nobody’s home cooking is gonna upset their stomachs or their squad.
Now what they’re doing on the warpath is tantalizing, as Mike’s men are buying into his vision quest he saw in the smoke when he took to the top teepee in Tallahassee. But Brian’s Bengals are just a little more down the road when it comes to being where they want to be.
So it won’t be the Indians taking the scalps in this one, but the Tigers triumphing over this tribe from Tallahassee. Larry’s Loser – Fla. State
So that’s it for the first official week of college football, even though Vanderbilt’s played twice. Nothing’s as it seems, is it? There’s always room to turn things around, for a loser to have his day in the sun. But sadly, nobody, not even your favorite team, can will all the time either.
So if you want the scoop before half the teams poop, then this is the place to come. We know the losers better than the choosers on the big screen and we’ve been doing it better for 20 years.
So till next week, say a prayer and thank God football’s back and you’re getting another year out of this old man whose wife is begging him to hang it up.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
THIS ARTICLE IS INTENTIONALLY WRITTEN IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
Well sports fans, after weeks of studying the squads in the SEC, we’ve got the prognostication for the pecking order in the SEC’s two divisions. For almost 30 years, I’ve been doing this year in and year out and when you go back and check, we’ve nailed it better than most.
We use historical data, coaching data, player data, and gut data, and let’s face it, if you’ve seen me lately, I have a lot more gut than most who do this!
So starting in the East, let’s start with the laughers. These are the teams who will laugh their way into postseason parties and end with the losers.
Georgia – Is Kirby building a dynasty? Well, yes. At least a Dog Dynasty. Has he reached Alabama’s dynasty level? No. But with the schedule they have this season, they’ll look like world-beaters.
What they lost to graduation and the NFL draft will not deter these dogs, who have used recruiting and the portal to put new pups in this pound.
If there’s a worry, it’s that new coordinator Mike Bobo might boo boo as he’s done in the past, but even I could coordinate this team with this schedule, so they’ll have no trouble ruling the East and laughing through this regular season.
Tennessee – The party in Hardknocksville won’t be as much fun without a Hooker, but what party is? With their sensational slinger trying to hook up in the NFL, they turn to Joe Milton, who is looking good, to keep the points piling up.
They have a lot of other Volunteers to step up as they lost a ton of talent, but this is a team who believes and that’s been something they’ve been missing for way too many years.
Combine this with the other usually tough SEC East bunch that may not be so tough again this year and the Vols should have little trouble in the runner-up role.
Kentucky – The Kentucky Kitties still made the bowl bonanza last season, but with a worse record than previous campaigns. Devin Leary transfers over from North Carolina State to take over for their departing QB, and hopes are high that he can pass these Pussycats to more points as their defense may be as stingy as last year’s.
If all that works, then maybe they can challenge the Vols, if not then the Carolina Cluckers will have the third spot. But Stoops is a future Kentucky Hall of Fame coach for a reason and I expect them to rebound from 2022.
South Carolina – Beamer Ball has found a new home and the fans and team both have embraced it. Spencer Rattler returns and must feel at home by now and with a thin running back room, he’ll have more on his shoulders this season and may handle it well.
Last year the Henhouse got raided though, and defense wasn’t these Peckerhead’s strong suit. If they can shore that up, then that could keep the Cocks from going limp when it counts in big games.
They’ve exceeded mine and everyone else who picks preseason pecking orders for the last two years. Can the third time be the charm? I can’t wait to see.
Missouri – The Midwest Meyowers were last year’s up and downers. They return a herd of Cats from last season and a new offensive coordinator has a chance to turn the offense up a notch. They’ll need to do this to be in contention with their defense.
There’s a lot to like on this team and a lot of question marks too. But here’s where my gut tells me they’re going to be able to outperform the gang from Gainesville.
I think they’ll make a bowl this year and when they do, you can remember who told you so early in the year.
Florida – Last year they just sucked with a capitol S, and this year looks to be just as big a rebuilding program as last year, and last year they did have a good quarterback. This year they don’t.
It gives me no joy to put this team here. I consider these large Lizards SEC Bluebloods, but this was not an easy job for a new coach to come in and clean up.
Could they make a bowl? It’ll take a bunch of newbies to step up big and a whold lot of luck, but hey, almost anything’s possible in the SEC.
Vanderbilt – Once again earning high marks for consistency, these sad sack sailors from Song City will once again bring up the rear and earn the Loser’s crown once again this year.
It’s not that they’re such a bad team, just the worst in the best conference. They almost made it to bowl season last year, but they’ll need help to win six games this season unless they can plug the many holes they had in their defense last season.
Now, who’ll be best in the West and who’ll be the Jester? Well, let’s get to the listing.
Alabama – The Tide starts this season with a huge chip on their shoulder and are going to play their games like a Pachyderm with a pact with the Devil and that’s not good new for the fellows on their schedule.
The schedule runs in their favor with a home game with LSU, who is enjoying wearing the SEC’s West crown, and Tennessee and Texas also traveling to Titletown. The only road contest may be at Texas A&M.
Personally, I feel Kevin Steele is an upgrade to departed defensive coordinator Pete Golding and the Tide will have plenty of time for the new signal caller to be in fine form before facing LSU. How they handle that game could show if they’re ready for Georgia in the SEC Championship.
LSU- They ran the gauntlet last season and could this season too. I see them as just one lucky bounce away from Bama this season. Folks are thinking that this schedule favors the Bayou Boys this season and indeed, they could lose to the Tide and still go to the SEC Championship should the Tuscaloosans trip up like last season.
The Tribe from Tallahassee tripped them up last season as did three other teams, they magically nipped Bama by just one point in overtime, but still won the SEC West crown.
This season, they may need more magic but they may be out of Pixie dust because an upset Saban isn’t a good thing to be facing.
Ole Miss – Kiffin’s Commandos got off like a meteor last season clicking off the first seven wins with relative ease, but fizzled in the final part of the season. That’s because the defense couldn’t stop an offense with a chain link fence.
To that end, he’s brought in Bama’s Pete Golding to damn up the river of points that were scored on them. If this hire works, then the Rebels will be handful for anyone who plays them.
Because Kiffin’s QB is back and throwing darts to a crew of very talented pass snaggers and Quinshon Judkins can tote the rock with the best of them should Dart wish to hand off. They’re about equal with the Aggies, but just don’t have the train wreck baggage to bear.
Texas A&M – This was supposed to be the year that Jimbo got the Aggies going, but somebody failed to convince me. Just last year they weren’t even able to sniff at bowl season and now just one year later they’re supposed to good?
Hot seat coaches always bring in new coordinators so they can blame the old ones, but not even Bobby Petrino can fix this mess overnight, even if stays off motorcycles and other people’s wives.
So show me something that will change my mind and I’ll admit I’m wrong, but they may just muster enough to make a bowl game.
Arkansas – I really like Sam Pittman, but he’s got to learn to recruit defensive players. The Hogs return enough starters on offense to put up some points, but sadly, maybe not more than they’re likely to allow.
Like A&M, Sam’s brought in a new defensive coordinator to try to plug the dam, and they went to the portal for hurry up fixes, so if it works, they could go bowling. I could even see them upsetting the Aggies with just a little luck.
The schedule favors a happy holiday in Hogland and if I had an underdog pick, it would be these little Piggies.
Mississippi State- We all, as football fans, are worse off without Mike Leach in our world. I can’t help but think that these Mutts are going to be that way too. Not only is this a factor, but the schedule doesn’t have enough easy W’s on it to make bowl season.
They’re moving on from the air raid, but still have the quarterback who can fling that thing. Still, if they can split the SEC schedule, they could go bowling, but that may not happen.
Now if I’m wrong that all the new coaches need some time to gel, the defense is capable and QB Will Rogers is the real deal, so I may have picked them a little low. Only time will tell.
Auburn – Boy, talk about a bold pick. Auburn last? Well, I see only three sure wins against crappy cupcakes and while I think Hugh Freeze is a talented coach and if the boosters don’t run this coach off like all the rest, he could turn them around. But he’s no microwave miracle maker.
He’s recruiting well and can X and O as well as almost anyone, but fix those worn Eagles in one year? As they say in North Jersey, “Fuggetaboutit”.
So if you’re an Auburn fan and expected a first year Freeze fantastico, you’re not going to like reality.
Well that’s it for how we see the year playing out, but you never know in the SEC. As for the week by week, we plan on seeing you soon with Larry’s Losers in the SEC. With over two decades of pigskin prognostication prowess, we’ve gotten pretty good at his picking and we hope to see you again in just a little while.
Till then pack your snacks and get ready for a season we may not forget.
Last year was definitely a disappointment for fans despite the team fielding strong units on both sides of the ball and the Tide continuing it’s 10 win or more streak and impressive bowl game rout of Kansas State, the Big 12 Champion who beat a College Football Playoff Championship team, TCU.
EXPECT NERVOUSNESS
At the start of spring training fans will be nervous with good reason. Here are the reasons:
Kevin Steele will be in charge of the defense and while fans were ready for a change, last year’s Alabama’s defense finished 14th nationally in total defense while Kevin Steele’s defense he was coordinator for in Miami finished middle of the pack in 65th place. Is this really a step up for Alabama? Only time will tell.
Likewise, fans grumbled last year about the offensive coordinator, but Bill O’Brien finished the season with an offense with an 11th place standing and his replacement, Tommy Rees who was in charge of Notre Dame had a unit that placed 60th nationally. Is this too a questionable step up? There were certainly bigger names to be grabbed.
Then there is the quarterback question? What can Bama fans expect? Well, chaos to be sure. Jalen Milroe has the experience edge, but is not considered the top dog going into spring. That is because Milroe is more of “duel treat” quarterback who leans more run heavy, think a Blake Sims type quarterback. Ty Simpson is the quy who makes a coach’s mouth water with a much higher ceiling at being the next Bryce Young / Tua Tagovailoa.
Then, just to make it true chaos, let’s throw in Eli Holstein a four star freshman who could seriously insert himself in this fight. Then there’s the ever present transfer portal and who knows who could be attracted to Bama.
Next up in the nervousness list is Georgia. With the easiest schedule to get back to the SEC Championship Game of any recent SEC winner, fans may wonder if indeed the Bulldogs are here to stay.
Lastly, the Alabama schedule is filled with land mines and potential upset games. On that list we see Texas, Ole Miss, Texas A&M, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn at Jordan-Haire where the Tide has it’s hands full too many times.
EXPECT CONFIDENCE
Saban returns with a little bit of piss and vinegar over the way last season went. With him at the helm Bama will always be in contention. You just had to put that first.
Will Reichard returns and while he has just a few misses over his career, he’s almost Mr. Automatic. When talking about his field goal kicker, Saban refers to him as an assassin. In a close game, this man is a true special team game changer.
Kool-Aid McKinstry comes back and may be among the best in the nation at the cornerback position and lock himself into being another Alabama first round pick. He and Kristian Story, a name you may not too familiar with now, will cement his spot of Safety and help make this a very strong defensive backfield.
Linebackers are out the wazoo and off the chart. Yes Alabama lost some big names here, but the talent behind them is simply amazing. I guess that’s the way it is when you consistently have top recruiting classes.
Chris Braswell will show that not only is he a star and stud you may not know yet, but he could easily be the star on defense and from his edge rushing position create huge stats that will have NFL scouts mouths watering. But it’s Deontae Lawson who may be the linebacker who leads the team in tackles and works himself into a one day first round draft choice. Of all the positions on the team, these linebackers this season will set the tone for a really good, really nasty defensive unit. This from a writer who usually doesn’t get excited by what “could be” .
Let’s be honest, last year’s receiver corps was only so so. This year there are freshmen who can step up and maybe a star or two emerge. Jermaine Burton may step up and a lead this group who includes Ja’Corey Brooks, who will be back to claim his spot. Brooks began showing good improvement as the season went on. Overall, coaches and insiders are confident that this group will be a step up from last season.
Lastly, be confident as the running back room is stocked and talented. Last season Alabama did not have a thousand yard rusher, but Jahmyr Gibbs flirted with it gaining 926. With Gibbs going to the NFL, Jase McClellan will lead this group. Behind him is Roydell Williams who barring injury could be the other head in a two headed monster running back duo. But you can also expect to see some super talented youngsters making a run at playing time. Jamarion Miller, who actually led the team in yard per carry average last season, is sure to get more opportunities. Two incoming freshmen, who were also two of the top running back recruits in the nation, Justice Haynes and Richard Young are also going to get some opportunities and help round out a very strong running room.
WHAT’S TO LOVE?
A cushier than normal start of the season. Saban loves to schedule big name openers, but this year Middle Tennessee is the opener and is followed by what could be a tough Texas. This will give the Tide one game to pick a quarterback and work out the kinks, so this unusual cupcake opener could be a blessing in disguise.
With so many top young players moving up to playing time and getting indoctrinated into the program, the coaching changes could be coming at a good time. This is a group of coaches and players who can grow and meld together without too many veteran players risking not gelling with the new coordinators.
But the biggest thing Alabama has going for it this season is the size of the chip on everyone’s shoulders, from coaches to players. A pissed off Alabama team with something to prove could be worth 10 points in any game this season.
Larry Burton has been published in just about every area of college football. He was Bleacher Report’s top college football writer, was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama Magazine and now at 65, is in semi-retirement from active deadlines. He writes when and if he wants when it doesn’t interfere with his world travels. Game day insights and generally snarky comments may be followed at https://twitter.com/LBSportswriter. Feel free to copy this story’s link and post on your own favorite pages.
Well sports fans, the fat lady is warming up to sing the last song of the season for 2022. But we have one big game left, and instead of calling this Larry’s Losers in the SEC, with only one game to go, and of course an SEC team in the title game, I just can’t do it!
The reason is simple, the SEC won’t have a loser this week, and while I’ve just given away my pick, it may still be worth reading to find out why we think that way in the Loser’s Lair.
As for our bowl picks, with all the opt-outs and transfers, it was hard to tell who was going to field what kind of team, especially when you have to publish that article before the first game, before the transfers, and opt-outs declare, but hey, you do what you can.
But at least these two teams are going to field everyone for the big prize so this pick is based on good intel and let’s just get to it.
TCU vs Georgia – Jan. 9th – SoFi Stadium – Inglewood, California – 8:30pm – For all the marbles
The Horny Frogs hop out west to the LA suburbs to try and take down the Dog from the Red Clay Country and hop away with their crown. Now it’s been quite the Cinderella story for these hot hoppers this season and everyone is hoping for a fairy tale ending in this game.
But Kirby’s Canines have a little fantasy of their own and they have the muscle and the hustle to make their dreams come true while these Horny Toads are about three hops short in a four-hop race. TCU just doesn’t have enough top flight players to pull off an upset here. Plus these are non high time Hoppers who have never been there and done that like these Dogs.
When this game is over, these barking ballers will still be wearing the crown, TCU will still be a feel-good story for getting this far and the BigTen will be glad they weren’t embarrassed by playing in this game and continue to talk big and say, “Boy Georgia’s sure lucky they didn’t have to play us!” while the rest of us just laugh.
So just let me say it officially, Larry’s loser will be TCU. But that shouldn’t take too much away from a TCU season they’ll be proud of, even with this loss.
Well that’s it for this season folks. At 65 years old, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be writing this column, but I thank you for following me for the 20 years I have. Many of you have been loyal fans for many years and I thank you.
May God bless you in the coming New Year and maybe we’ll see you back next season and maybe not, but you’ll be in my thoughts.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER and share this article on your own pages.
Well sports fans, the real losers in the SEC are sitting on their mama’s couch watching these games with mist in their eyes and despair in their hearts. So Merry Christmas, Texas A&M, Auburn and Vandy. But there’s bound to be more losers in bowl season, and it’s our pleasure to give you the poop on who’s out of the loop when it comes to winning this bowl season.
And keep this post on your computer so you can use it as a guide to not miss a single snap of post-season parties. So let’s get going we start the postseason party on December 17th, so I’ll have to publish before then and it’ll go on till after the New Year. So I might miss who’s opting out and portaled out, so keep that in mind too.
Florida vs Oregon State – SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl – Dec. 17th, 8:30 pm Las Vegas
It doesn’t seem like a fair fight on paper does it? A Gator vs a Beaver. But when the large Lizards fly West to Lost Wages to take on a Pac 10 Wood Chewer that’s what we’ll have.
I don’t understand the early odds favoring these Bucktooth Ballers. Didn’t this same team slay the Utes that won this league? So if they beat the league’s best why shouldn’t they bring back some Beaver pelts to Gainesville?
Yes, I know the statistics favor the Damn Builders and it’s almost a home field for them too, but SEC muscle beats buckteeth almost any day, so let’s go against the grain and pick an upset and make Larry’s loser – Oregon State Update pick, I hear that Florida’s lead flinger, Richardson has bid adieu so we change this pick to Larry’s loser – Florida
Wake Forest vs Missouri – Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl – Dec. 23rd, 7:30 pm Tampa, Fl. –
Some Demon Deacons take on some Tigers in Tampa and this could be a good game that produces a last drive winner. Now the Tigers should scratch and snarl their way through a bunch of bad Bible Thumpers, but then you can’t ignore the power of prayer in this one.
Missouri, you let me down this season when I thought you’d win and won when I didn’t a few times, so I don’t have a lot of faith in you. But the ACC sucked the big one the season and based mainly on that, we’re going to make Larry’s loser – Wake Forest in another mild upset.
Kansas vs Arkansas – Autozone Liberty Bowl- Dec. 28th, 6:30pm Memphis, Tn. –
The Jayhawks are hoping their peckers are hard enough to penetrate the Piggies in this entertaining contest in Memphis, but these aren’t the little Piggies who got their houses blown down. These are traveling with their tusks and they’re planning on ripping a new one in these bird ballers so big they lay a dozen eggs at a time, carton and all.
So far you have to be impressed with the matchups in bowl season, but these Pigs could be the first to pile up piles of points and run away with one as I’m just not as impressed with these Birds who usually lay an egg on game day.
So Pittman’s parading Pig farm plucks up these Bird’s dreams of bowl game victories and makes Larry’s loser Kansas.
Texas Tech vs Ole Miss – Tax Act Texas Bowl – Dec. 28th, 10:00 pm Houston, Tx.
The Lane Train rolls into Texas to fight with some Red Raiders in what will bascially be a home game for the Six Gun Shooters and they plan on laying down the lead and robbing the Rebels of a win on their home state turf.
But these Rebels have the long rifles loaded and their aim is just a little bit better so they can cover for the boys with ball by making the defendants keep their head low, so we’re expecting the Rebs to pile up some points.
In what could be a shootout for sure, once all the gunsmoke clears and the final whistle has blown a cease fire, the side of scoreboard with the fewest points will be Cow Pokes and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Texas Tech
Notre Dame vs South Carolina – Taxslayer Gator Bowl – Dec. 30th, 4:00 pm Jacksonville, Fl.
The Shamrock Students from Leprechaun country come down to Jacksonville to pluck up a chicken and finish a season in style. But the Carolina Cluckers are finishing a fairy tale season and another win would tie them for the best start for a new coach there in history and that’s reason for these Gamecocks to give their all.
We hear that the Irish will be without their sensational slinging quarterback, as Pyne went portal time instead of party time with his homies.
We think that’ll open the door for the Colenel Sanders Squad to not lay an egg in this bowl and instead put egg of face of Irish and make Larry’s loser, in an upset, Notre Dame
Tennessee vs Clemson – Capitol One Orange Bowl – Dec. 30th, 9:00pm Miami, Fl.
The Vols take on some Tigers down in deep Florida beach country but just like Auburn’s new coach Freeze always says, it ain’t as much fun if you don’t take a Hooker, and the Vols will be without their favorite Hooker, their game changing QB, Hendon Hooker in this one.
Given the fact that he was the man that all the men in orange marched to, this one could get ugly fast. Clemson’s got some kinda chip on their shoulder after not even getting to play well at times in a really weakend ACC season, so they’re going to not appologize for running up the score in this one.
If this one’s too late to stay awake and you’re an SEC fan, just go on to bed and you won’t have bad dreams, cuz seeing this one to the end could cause some when you think of what they game could have been with Hooker playing. Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Alabama vs Kansas State – Allstate Sugar Bowl – Dec. 31st, 1pm – New Orleans, La.
The Pachyderms got the playoff door slammed on their trunk and are taking the consolation prize of playing Hello Kitty with a bunch of Kansas Kittycats down in New Orleans who just nailed down the Big 12 crown. But a crown don’t make a champion and Bama’s gonna treat them like chumpions.
As of this writing, we’re hearing that some of the usual faces won’t be in their usual places on the Tide team, and boy could that make a difference. Still, we think there will be enough pride in enough places for these players in Crimson to skin these Cats and send ’em back to corn country screaming like banshees.
So going on what we know now, we feel confident seeing the Elephants trampeling the poor little Kitties making Larry’s loser Kansas State.
Georgia vs Ohio State – CFP semi-final – Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl – Dec 31st, 8pm – Atlanta
In round one of who’s winning the big trophy, Kirby’s canines bring their perfect record up the road to Atlanta and wait for the Buckeyes to fly in and begin the battle for the big prize.
The Buckeye boys are hoping to get these Hairy Dogs to choke on their nuts, but these Buckeyes aren’t hard like walnuts so that’s just one more thing that’ll just get bit in this game.
It’s our opinion that these Nuts didn’t belong in the playoffs after getting boatraced at home by a team that came into the game as an underdog, but that ship has sailed. If they win, I guess I was wrong, but I’m picking the team that slid in the backdoor to get kicked out the front door and make Larry’s loser – Ohio State
Iowa vs Kentucky – Transperfect Music City Bowl – Dec 31st, 1pm – Nashville, Tn.
The Hawkeyes come over to Song City to try and skin a Cat from Kentucky, but these Cat’s use up all nine lives before they let that happen. There should be fur and feathers flying from first whistle till last if they make it a defensive battle.
But these cadiac Kitties can do something that has elluded Iowa for much of the year and that’s putting points on the board. Therefore, we’re hoping we know what we’re doing by saying these Cats should scratch out a win in this one.
An 8-5 season ain’t such a bad thing and that’s what we think these Cats should wind up with, and that’ll most certainly make Larry’s loser – Iowa
Mississippi State vs Illionois – ReliaQuest Bowl – Jan 1st. 12pm – Tampa, Fl.
Bret Bielema gets to play with the SEC at least one more time as he returns with Illinioni Men to battle Mike’s Mutts from Mississippi. Illinois has been a surprise up North this season as these men have been mightier than people thought they’d be.
But the Bulldogs have put the bite on some big boys too this season, so this could be one of the entertaining games of bowl season.
So while we see a game that could be a fight to the finish, we see the Bulldogs bite to be worse than their bark and in the end, Brett’s boys get their butts chewed enough to send their ex coach one more win and make Larry’s loser – Illinois
LSU vs Purdue – Cheez-it Citrus Bowl – Jan 1st, 1pm – Orlando, Fl.
The Boilermakers build up enough steam to come steaming into the Citrus Bowl to take on the Tigers and they’re hoping that they can run those Tigers down the rails and steamroll their way to a victory.
But Kelly’s Kitties will be waiting to pounce on Purdue and wage warfare on them until they run out of steam and roll to a stop. Then it could get ugly.
We look for this one to be a tale of two halves with the first being hard fought and the second with the Tigers taking them to task, pulling away, and making Larry’s loser – Purdue
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER and share this article on your own pages.
Well sportsfans, the regular season has bid itself adeau. But we do have a championshiop and a bowl season to end the year on a high note, so there’s still a lot left to be thankful for.
Out of the 25 next-best pigskin pickers, no one saw a Georgia – LSU championship, and therein lies the wonder of the SEC. You have to bring your A-game every week, every quarter, and every play or you run the risk of head-scratching yourself at the end of the season. In fact, the whole season had lots of games that just left us with our mouths open scratching our heads. Folks, that is just the nature of the SEC, the league with the most surprises the most often of seasons.
One of these teams ends next week as the latest loser and here we go to tell you who and why.
LSU vs Georgia – in Atlanta for the SEC Championship – I’d say “And for a shot at the National Championship”, but would a two loss LSU make it in any scenario? We don’t think so.
So it’s Bulldogs fighting Tigers in a brawl that’ll show no quarter with jowls snapping and snarling and claws a scratchin’ for more than a championship, for for pride and showing they belong there.
Georgia has done something no other SEC team did this season, they ran they gauntlet through the toughest season in the toughest league without a blemish. Home games, road games, big games, trap games, they made it through them all. Congrats to both, but only one gets the loser’s title and this week it falls upon the the tired Tigers who end up as Larry’s Loser and that should be no surprise.
Regular Season Ending Thoughts
Starting with the losers in the East
Vanderbilt, you may have finished last, but your record was no worse than Auburn’s or Texas A&M’s, so how bad were you really? You outdid everyone’s expectations, and though you’re at the bottom, you’re clearly on the road upward. I could see enough in you that I knew you were capable of beating a big boy and you did this season. You missed the bowl season by just one game and though you were last, it wasn’t a head-hanging season.
Missouri – You had highs and lows, lost games you shouldn’t and won some you shouldn’t. You just don’t have a culture to win the close ones and you look like a team without a plan to get ahead. Sometimes a bowl game can make all the difference. Here’s hoping it does.
Florida – We thought you had the hire to go higher. You could look so good and then just fall apart. You have the talent, do you not have the coaches to coach them up? I never saw steps as the season went on to show me that you had a plan you were following. Tying for second worst in the East should embarrass you and maybe spur you on to better things. Let that sink in, you were second to last in your league with that name and that talent. Shame on you.
Kentucky – You had it going and let it slip away. Every season it seems you just can’t get to that next step, but you were a consistent fighter who had a couple of heartbreakers that kept a solid season from becoming sensational. Still come bowl game, nobody will say, “Oh Boy! We got the Wildcats!” You can whip some ass and everyone knows it.
South Carolina – You were supposed to be plucked, but instead showed pluckiness. You were the southpaw slugger that some teams just didn’t see coming ’till you knocked their ass out. Had you not let Missouri catch you blindsided, you would have had a super solid season. That loss leaves us wondering whether you are a one-season wonder or a powerhouse in the progress of building? Maybe your bowl game will tell us.
Tennessee – After so many years of jokes about waiting till next year, this was your year. You were officially back. Beating Bama got the biggest monkey off your back, but your thorough butt thrashings by Georgia and South Carolina showed up you still have a few more building blocks to gather to truly be back where you want to be. Still, no team in the post season that plays you won’t have a chill going up their spine.
Georgia – The class of the SEC this season and last. What else needs to be said? Everyone else is wondering who can give you the best game, not beat you.
Now in the West
Texas A&M – Tied for last place, but the team that is truly the biggest loser, not just in the West, but in all the SEC. From a preseason top six to worst in the SEC and enjoying bowl season from your parent’s couch. What can anyone, including myself, say to explain just how pitiful your play was this season? Though you share a tie in stats only, you were the worst and Larry’s and the SEC’s biggest loser.
Auburn – You were a shit show from the end of last season. Undermining your own coach, backroom infighting, and inspiring no confidence in your program. We all knew this season would be a disaster, so you didn’t disappoint us. In fact, you actually did a little better than most thought you would do.
But you spent the offseason trying to frame your coach as being a family sleaze and couldn’t, so what did you do, you went out and hired the biggest sleaze in football, whose ties with hookers aren’t imaginary but fact. The “Backroom Boys” told him he could have the job, but had to hire Carnell Williams as Assistant Head Coach, so there’s the guy who the fans and players love while all the new coaches decisions will be second-guessed with the coach in waiting to breathe down your neck the whole time. Way to go Auburn, you really know how to write a soap opera, doom your coach from the get-go and provide drama. But there’s always some sucker waiting to take the big check isn’t there?
Arkansas – High was the excitement level at the first of the season. The hire last season seemed to be working, and we all wondered how high the ceiling was going to be for you. As the season went on, you lost four close ones that could have got you to a ten-win season. As your culture improves, hopefully, you’ll learn to win those close ones. You finished about where we thought and congrats on making a bowl game.
Mississippi State – A solid eight-win season, an Egg Bowl win over your rival, Ole Miss which was the only close win. In other games, when you won, you really won big, but when you lost, you were killed. We never knew which team would show up, but you were always a team your opponent worried about. You did slightly better than our projection and deserve kudos.
Ole Miss – Statistically tied with Mississippi State – Even though you lost to the Dogs, your biggest rival, we place you above them for making some noise toward the top rating for so long this season. You ended up just a game worse than we initially thought you’d be. With your coach in place for next season, the outlook is bright. No school wants to tangle with you in bowl season.
LSU– You won the West but lost as the best. Your 9-3 record is second to the Tide’s 10-win season. Still, you made it to Atlanta in record time and showed the world the hire of Kelly was a great move and you may be a power to contend with for a while in the SEC. You actually won the number of games we thought you might, but we didn’t think you’d beat the Tide and play for an SEC Championship. So kudos for a really great season.
Alabama – With ten wins you were the class of the West. You lost two games by a combined total of 4 points. Those were games you should have and could have won but didn’t. Instead, you were sloppy with penalties and turnovers in those games and lost close games you usually win. You never were the same in road games as you were at home and the best teams don’t let that matter. Without some chaos, there’s no Championship game for you this year and it’s your own fault.
Well that’s it for this regular season folks. I hope I’ve entertained you and given you some things to think about. We’ll have two more editions. the bowl game and national championship edititions, the good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise. So let’s all bathe in the beauty of bowl season together and see it all out together. Till then, God bless you all and the SEC.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER and share this article on your own pages.
Well sports fans, we’re nearing the finish line of the regular season and it’s just gone by too fast hasn’t it? But this is Rivalry Week and you can throw logic, statistics and reason out the door when two heated rivals lock horns.
Because this week of warfare starts of Thursday, we’re going to have to publish earlier that normal, so we hope we don’t shock you too bad with that.
And the Mrs. of Loser’s Lair has determined that we be on vacation during this wonderful weekend, so I’ll be watching on TV like most of you. Let’s just hope this floating eating, drinking and party boat has all the right channels. So without any further ado, let’s get to listing the last regular season games of 2022 in the SEC.
Mississippi State at Ole Miss – Thursday finds the Fidos from Starkvegas stomping down to Oxford to raise their legs and mark that part of Mississippi as their territory too. But these Rebels aren’t about to let a pack of pooches come down and pee on their parade, so expect a war in this heated rivalry game.
Last season the Dogs got spanked and Lane Kiffin wants to keep his top 25 status and dreams of big bowl games going, so he’s bringing extra newspapers to knock the noggins of these dog gone Dogs and prove to everyone in this state that there’s really only one top Dog and it ain’t the flea scratchers.
So while anything can happen in a game coached by these two, we still see a loser in our crystal ball and it’s got the slobbering face of a Bulldog. Larry’s loser – Mississippi State
Arkansas at Missouri – The first of the Friday football fights takes place at the Missouri Meeyowers home as the Arkansas Swine show up to cement Missouri’s lack of bowl participation in this post season party time.
Now the Hogs started off like gang busters and got a little busted up along the way to the end of the season, but Pittman’s Pigs have regrouped and plan on ending the regular season on a high note and skin these Cats for the last time in their season.
But this win gets the Pigs to the party playtime this bowl season and get them one more game to show the world that though they took some lumps, they can still give some bumps and that’ll make Larry’s Loser – Missouri
Florida at Florida State – Well folks, the championship of the Sunshine State is up for grabs as the Gators travel to Tallahassee to take on the Tribe in capitol country. Now these Seminoles have improved as things went along, so the Gators better not rest too much on their SEC laurels or they’ll get an arrow up the butt.
The Gators have two things against them in this one. A night game in front of packed stadium full of rabid warpaint wearing fans and the boys in Lost Wages saying their the underdog in this contest by more than a little.
But we hear the upset bugs buzzing around old Tally and we see the Gators pulling out a last minute win and you can say you heard it here first, and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Florida State
The upset bug bites this game
Auburn at Alabama – The Worn Eagles had a few too many crash landings this season and will miss the bowl season, but they know what a victory in this game would mean to the fans and they’re going to pull out all the stops to keep it close and try and scratch out a win at the end.
But Nick Saban, ticked off and at home ain’t the recipe for a Tiger triumph, but it will still be a doosey to watch as Auburn’s sporting a new coach with nothing to lose and everything to gain with a win in this one. He may be a Cadillac coach, but the other guys trumps him with a Mercedes dealership.
Look for the Tigers to try and run every trick play they have to try and put one over on the Pachyderms, but try as they will, the Elephants stomp them in to sod at Bryant Denny. Larry’s loser is Auburn. But maybe closer than most think.
Al, you would kick a guy when he’s just getting back on his feet would you?
Georgia Tech at Georgia – The Yellow Jackets buzz into Oxford and are hoping to sting the mighty Bulldogs at home, but the truth of the matter is that in this game, they’ll look less like mad Yellow Jackets and more like their other name, the Ramblin’ Wreck of Georgia Tech.
While other teams will be battling big brutes, this will almost be an off date for the Dogs to play the bench and rest the starters for the SEC Championship.
Yes, it’s a rivalry game alright, there’s just no rival to try and tame these Dogs, so Larry’s loser is Georgia Tech.
South Carolina at Clemson – Beamer’s Boys have no reason to not believe that this Pussycat can’t be skinned. They’ve showed a lot weakness at times and since the Chicken Coop Clan have already cemented their post season plans, they’re going to leave nothing on the clipboard untried to tame these Tigers.
Now folks, I’m hearing some buzzing and don’t know if it’s the upset bug or the cheap PA system at Clemson, but either way, this game is ripe for an upset. These boys pulled out the big peckers last week and ambushed a Vol team for the ages.
But if the Tigers control the ball, limit the turnovers and don’t get fooled on a few trick plays, then they should make Larry’s loser – South Carolina
Louisville at Kentucky – The Red Birds have plucked four times this season and these Kentucky Cats have been skinned once more than that, and while both have punched their ticket to the Bowl Bonanza with six wins this season, somebody’s going to make it seven!
So when the Cardinals, down to their last feathers, fly into the Cat house in Kentucky to call on these Pussycats, it won’t be a social visit they’re after, but a war and State bragging rights for another year.
In this one, my heart is saying go for the SEC muscle and hustle, but my head is saying Louisville is just a tick or two better, so despite my instincts, hunches and heart, Larry’s loser is Kentucky.
LSU at Texas A&M – Oh misery, thou has a mate and her name is Texas A&M. What a way to end a season with yet another ass kicking to think about all off season while others around you are all playing bowl games?
When the Begals bus up to Texas to maul the Aggies this weekend, the question isn’t will they win, but bad do they want to embarrass them? It’s gonna be a Lawdy Miss Claudy! game for the Aggies.
Well when the second and third teams are still scoring on these seed slingers, you’ll have your answer. I would have been happy to have coached the Aggies this year for half the money and the same results. Larry’s loser – Texas A&M
Tennessee at Vanderbilt – My my my… I remember just a little while back when Vandy owned the state and the Tennessee was in the middle of their 16 year rebuilding era.
Well this time, when the Vols fill up Vanderbilt’s home field, it’ll look more like a knee high Neyland, than the Commodores home turf. Payback is coming and this year there’s going to be such a sinking that the Sad Sack Sailors won’t even time to put on their life jackets before they go under.
But at least I was right in saying that the Commodores would bite some big boy in the butt this season, and the Vols should worry a little in this one. Just ask the Gators. But sometimes it’s good to go down with the ship and save yourself from drowning all over again later. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER and share this article on your own pages.
Well folks, if this isn’t the season you were hoping for, you weren’t hoping for excitement! This season has sure had it’s share of it and I’m sure there’s more to come. Only Georgia has managed to stay unscathed, but there’s still of a long way to go before anyone can name the last loser.
So with lots of games to gander, let’s begin the slander and start pointing out the likely losers for this week. This is a hurried edition as the internet on the ship we’re on, the Holland America Rotterdam, is slow as a snail. So pardon us for running behind.
Georgia at Kentucky – Kirby’s Canines come a callin’ on the Kitty’s in Kentucky and they aren’t planning on these Pussycats putting up much of fight. But all it takes is one long look past any SEC opponent to get bitten, like last week’s Vanderbilt win, so the Dogs better not play like puppies.
Now we’re not thinking that this is what’s going to happen, but these Cats have clawed them before and shouldn’t be taken for granted.
But we think these Dogs stay on path for the playoffs and prevail over the Pussycats making Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Tennessee at South Carolina – Tennessee hasn’t stopped licking their wounds since the Bulldog battle a little while ago. They were flying higher that Delta Airlines headed to Atlanta till they crashed and burned.
So this week when the Vols invade the coop of the Carolina Cluckers, they plan on showing folks that anybody can make a mistake once, but don’t try and make me look foolish twice.
We think they’re right and this one’s going to be all orange. Larry’s loser – South Carolina
Ole Miss at Arkansas – The Rebels try to rebound from their oh so close loss in Pachyderm play last week. So this week they go to Arkansas with a chip on their shoulder and they ain’t coming home till they’ve shot their fill of Pigs for the barbeque to come.
The Hogs started hot and they’re hoping to put the heat on the Rebels this weekend and keep their pork chops off the grille in this weekend’s warfare.
But while they might keep it close for a while, those Rebels just keep piling on the points till the grill is filled with pulled Pork, making Larry’s loser – Arkansas
UAB at LSU – UAB comes over to the Bengals in Baton Rouge for some of that SEC money and to try and salvage some revenge for the Swamp Boys treatment of their big brother a few weeks back.
But if Big Bad Bama couldn’t hold up their own honor in a football fight, little brother better just take the money and run. Well run up the white flag anyway.
This one is a cupcake for the Bengals as they dowse the Blazers pretty quickly and pretty ugly in this one. Larry’s loser – UAB
East Tennessee State at Mississippi State – Oh Lord, more cupcakes! These pretend Pirates from the hilly state, stumble down to Mississippi for a payday and a waylay, and boy will they get both.
We give these poop deck Pirates a one half of one percent chance to win this game only because it is at least possible a meteor strike the Bulldog’s bench.
So the Dog’s bite is much worse than their bark in this one and Larry’s loser is surely East Tennessee.
New Mexico State at Missouri – Oh God, the horror of it all! Why do have late season cupcake games before rivalry week? The poor man’s Aggie’s come to Missouri with their hands out and their pants down.
And these Midwest Meeyowers are going to give them the spanking they deserve for scheduling this one. Even an SEC bottom feeder this season could bounce these Bozos so that’s what we see happening.
In a worthless waste of time playing this one, much less watching it, Larry’s loser will be New Mexico State.
U Mass at Texas A&M – U Mass comes to Texas to make a U Mess of themselves, but they’ll at least get a big paycheck for it.
This is a team so bad that it’ll do little to cool the heat on Jimbo’s seat, even with a big win, so this is really a losing situation for everybody in this contest.
Still, when you tally the score, there can only be one loser listed and in this one it’s U Mass.
Florida at Vanderbilt – In another cupcake clash, well, it’ll look like on the scoreboard anyway, the Gainesville Gang gathers in Song City to sink the Sad Sack Sailors one more time.
Now I said earlier this season that Vanderbilt would bite a bigger boy in the butt this season, and they did it last week despite me not seeing it coming in that particular party.
But these Gators simply score more often than a good looking girl at a frat party and once again, the Commodores are just the wall flowers at that party, just waiting to walk home afterward. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt.
Western Kentucky at Auburn – Well, Coach Caddy looks like he’s on the road to becoming a winning coach in the SEC after this one, as the Hilltoppers become Hillfloppers in this contest.
I personally have known Coach Caddy since he was a Blue Devil at Etowah High, and I once saw him break his own brother’s leg to get more yardage, so I know he’s not going to get all merciful on these poor boys from the Bluegrass State.
He may not wind up with a winning record, but you may not wind up with a losing one either, ‘cuz the win here makes Larry’s loser – Western Kentucky
Austin Peay at Alabama – Oh Lord, even the Tide has gone out and gone cupcake on us. Yes the Governors from Tennessee come down to Peay in their pants for a payday and a Pachyderm pummeling.
This is the game to see if Saban can win, or lose a game without forth quarter puckering time for the crowds in Crimson.
Well it is at home, so in a game not worth gandering, let’s just ring up the loser and go onto the summation. Larry’s loser – Austin pants Peay
Well that’s it for this week folks, as I’m in the first week of a three week cruise, I still have my sea days to scan all the stats, look for signs of upsets and cruise to conclusions on all these contests to come.
So have no fear that I’m distracted by bikinis, booze, or lazy summertime temperatures by the pool, I’m all business, my wife watches me like a hawk! Till next week, the GREAT week of Rivals, I’ll focus my will, lay off the bar bill, and have my fill of fantastic forecasts to chill. So till then, God bless and let the hurricanes stay away.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER and share this article on your own pages.
Wow sports fans, wasn’t that a great weekend last week? Whew! But this is a week where a lot of team still have a lot to prove and they want fans to know they’re not done yet despite a setback here or there. Two mighty teams fell, but can they come back?
This week is a real nail biter to decide in a lot of games. That big old upset bug is still hungry and he doesn’t mind ruining this week for some poor teams.
So with so many good SEC on SEC games to pick, let’s get going and may the worst man lose.
Where will the Upset Bug bite this weekend?
Georgia at Mississippi State – It’s a sho’ nuff Bulldog battle as UGA and Bully lead their teams into the big bad biting battle in Starkvegas and will Georgia look past these other dogs after the big battle last week.?
Well Kirby’s Canines have been in bigger battles and they aren’t aren’t about to let down with so much still to play for, so we’re betting on the Georgia band of Bulldogs to prove their bite is much worse than their bark.
And while it may be a good game to watch for a while, Georgia should have all the bad Bulldogs in the pound by the 4th quarter, so make Larry’s loser – Mississippi State
Missouri at Tennessee – The Missouri Meeyowers travel to Tennessee to see if the Vols used up all their energy in last week’s game and are ripe for an upset.
But I’ve said all season that these crappy Kitties just can’t win the big one and we’re still feeling that way in this game.
Save yourself some boredom and use the remote, there’s better games out there, because the Vols are gonna skin this Cat quickly and make Larry’s lower – Missouri
Alabama at Ole Miss – The Tide Rolls into Oxford and aims on continuing on their path to the playoffs by wrestling a win from the Rebels in front of their own home crowd, but Kiffin’s Commandos still think they have shot at an SEC Championship and a shot the big prize themselves, so it’s gonna be a battle.
Now the Rebels let their powder get wet at LSU and that cost me a perfect week of picking and I haven’t forgiven them yet. So I’m counting on the Tide to score early and often an throw up a defense that will cause the Dart to be thrown off target all day. Bama has not two in a row in the Saban era.
So let’s watch this one and see who wants it the most, but we’re betting on Bama to put Ole Miss on Larry’s loser’s list.
LSU at Arkansas – Boy, now this could be a real goodie to gander from whistle to whistle. So when the Bayou Bengals blow into town and come to the Pig pen, the fur’s gonna fly and the Pigs are gonna squeal and we don’t know yet who will be the real deal.
I’ve loved the Cinderella aspect of the Hogs this season and they’ve defied the odds in a lot of games so far this season. And while they’ve done fine scoring lots of points with a very good offense, their defense have been too offensive too. Love that play on words?
So we’re going with the team that has the muscle to stop Pig hustle and that means Larry’s loser has to Arkansas in this one.
Vanderbilt at Kentucky – This week it’s Kentucky’s turn to say, “Thank God for Vanderbilt”, when the Kitties from the Blue Grass State sashays into Song City to give these sad sack Sailors another sinking.
On the bright side though, since there’s so many song writers within punting distance of that stadium, maybe somebody will write a song about this game that might make the butt whipping they’re sure to get that might make them feel better.
So count on the Commodores going down for the count one more time this week as the cement their place at the bottom of the east and a frequent flyer on Larry’s loser’s list.
South Carolina at Florida – The Carolina Cluckers come down to the swamp to try use their big peckers to knock the noggins of these Gators hard enough to send them running to the deep water and let them leave with a win.
Now I really want to pick the Pullets in this prizefight, their win over Texas A&M blew my mind, but so did their loss to Missouri.
And since I can’t get that loss to Missouri out of my mind, this is the day the Gators can light up the grills, ‘cuz it’s winner winner Chicken dinner today and that makes Larry’s loser South Carolina.
Texas A&M at Auburn – Fisher’s Farm Hands head over to Auburn to try and make themselves a little closer to maybe making a post season party, but they’re just about as down and out as these worn Eagles.
We could call this the Futility Bowl as both these teams should have done better this season and much more was expected from both fan bases. It’s already cost one coach his job and if Jimbo loses this one, he could feel the heat too.
But the Aggies have more talent on the field that the Tigers who aren’t on the prowl anymore, so let’s make them the winners and the loser will be Auburn.
Well that’s it for this week folks! What a good week of football we just saw again! It’s so sad to see the season slipping away. But there’s still some great games left to go.
So come back each week to see who the likely losers will be and be sure and read an article on the similarities between this year’s Alabama team and the 2010 team at:
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
In 2009, Alabama shocked the football world and proved it was returning to the ranks of the elite and would be chasing championships for the foreseeable future. The next season Alabama returned their starting QB, their Heisman trophy winning running back, and much of the team that was the nucleus for that championship team.
But they fell from grace, losing three games that year to South Carolina, LSU and Auburn. What happened?
After the final whistle of the Capital One Bowl game that season, I asked a young AJ McCarron, who was the apparent quarterback of the future, outside the locker room, why a team that just destroyed a good Michigan State team could have lost three games and fallen so far off the mark.
His answer was, they stopped doing the little things they did the year before. They just didn’t have the same attitude in practice and focus on the small things in each game like they had the year before. He said he would make it his mission to get them back to the top, to make sure he and everyone else focused on the little things. And lastly he said he thought after this humiliating season, that maybe they could get that fire back again.
Well what were the “little things” that killed that team? Stupid penalties at stupid times, receivers and the QB not being on the same page, too many sacks and pressures, but mostly just taking it for granted that they were the top team and not giving it 100% in practice.
Sound familiar?
Bryce was not the same QB this year he was last year. You could say this is because Waddle, Metchie and especially Devonta Smith moved on, but that’s not the whole story. He had way too many over / underthrown balls in situations where he shouldn’t have. It didn’t matter who the receiver was if it was uncatchable. They had way too many three and outs in critical times, way too many fumbles, way too many penalties, way too many times where other teams focused on matchups that they weren’t prepared to stop and more. Maybe there was too much rat poison and the team ate it all up. There were a ton of bad moments and bad mistakes.
It was apparent, to any logical sports person, since the early Texas game, that this was a troubled team that was coasting on it’s reputation rather than it’s skill and determination. It had the talent to dominate, but not the discipline to so. Play calling was just as hit and miss as the players themselves.
Forget excuse-makers who will say that for just one play in each of the two losses to date, it could have made all the difference, from being where they are, which is the outside looking in like a kid looking through the window of a candy store with empty pockets, to being number one.
That is the difference between this team and Bama teams that made the playoffs, they couldn’t make those two plays to be number one. They fell short because of their own short comings. In football, you never know which plays those are until the game is over in most cases, that’s why you play each play like it’s the most important one you’ll play all day. You don’t get lazy and hold, you don’t forget that your hand shouldn’t near a facemask. You don’t forget to secure the ball or try to squeeze a pass through the eye of the needle in the red zone to get it picked off costing you the three points that would have won you the game.
For those fans bellyaching for change in players, coaches or schemes, forget it! Every play call is a good one if it works, every play call is a bad one if it doesn’t. Every player is a hero when they do good and could be a chump that cost them the game when they fail.
It’s not the people. It’s the attitude. It’s about being ready to give 100 percent effort and not trying to cheat a little or get lazy a little and cause a penalty or give up a turnover.
AJ McCarron, you correctly nailed what was wrong with that 2010 team that couldn’t repeat its efforts from the year before. You, but better yet, a member of their own team, should talk to this team next year like you did to me that day in Orlando so long ago. Maybe they’re tired of Saban telling them that, maybe it’s just become background noise to them.
You called a team back to the task at hand, you rallied them back to grinding in the process, you made them feel accountable for their actions in every play once you became “The Man” at Alabama. Alabama needs another leader like you to step up.
AJ, you had a passion walking off that field for the last time as a second-stringer, knowing you were about to be the man that would be the focal point of Alabama football in a uniform, and you were not afraid to call everyone, including yourself out for the lack of discipline and accountability. Until Alabama gets that back, it won’t matter how many five-star athletes that are on the field or who is calling the plays.
Until Alabama’s team unites in that passion for the process again, their Elite days may be over. The pieces of the puzzle are all there, now it’s just all in the mind.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Well folks, we were back to near perfect, but somehow the miserable Missourians managed to muddle my perfect week by upsetting South Carolina, a team that was red hot after an upset of their own the week before.
That’s why you can never take a Saturday in the SEC for granted as the upset bug buzzes here and there all over the Southeastern Conference to take a bite when you aren’t looking.
So let’s get to picking and see if we can spot the ones this week and pick those upsets ourselves.
Kentucky at Missouri – Well here’s another scenario where the bug may bite, ‘cuz the Kitties from Kentucky call on the Missouri Meeyowers and this week, the bad team is hot and the good team is not, so how can you tell if they may change places?
Even the boys in Lost Wages see this as a coin toss, but you have to believe that cream rises to the top and the Wildcats are clearly better than the Tigers are lucky, so that’s the way we are going to lean on this one.
So even though the Missouri Meeyowers screwed my perfect week last week, we’re going against them one more time, so Larry’s loser is Missouri.
Florida at Texas A&M – Well, a worrisome pick to be sure, so when the Florida Reptiles roll into the Aggies back yard to bring more grief to poor Jimbo, we don’t know for sure if that’s going to happen or not.
Kyle Field is a killer, so that’s a plus. The Aggies can play defense at times and that’s something the Gators aren’t known for, so you have to kinda lean that way. Plus that new quarterback looked more poised than a first time starter should last week.
So unless the Gators just come out like getting shot out of a gun and never look back, we’re going with our gut and going with the home team, and that makes Larry’s loser – Florida. And maybe Jimbo won’t be the clown this week.
Tennessee at Georgia – Well folks, here’s the game the Vols have been hoping for, a win puts them in the SEC Championship, (well more than likely). But Big Orange is going to have the squeeze put on them by the home team Hounds in Athens and they’re not going to let ol’ Smokey leave with their championship bone without a fight.
So this game is a must see, so if your Mama’s funeral or your daughter’s wedding is at the same time, set the recording and don’t talk to anyone until you get home to watch it.
This one I could see going either way, but without the home field and bias refs, the Vols lose what helped them beat Alabama and the Dogs defend their home as all good Dogs should, so list Tennessee as Larry’s loser.
Liberty at Arkansas – The Flames from Liberty blow into the Hog pen and hope to burn the place down and char broil some Pork, but this is a cupcake clash for these Razorbacks and it will look like it all day long.
Yes the Hogs have had some up and downs this season, but this is the win that gets them a bigger bowl and gets them up to six wins with some other chances coming.
So depending on how many starting Piggies that Pittman wants to keep on the bench is the only thing that keeps it being unwatchable. Larry’s loser – Liberty
Alabama at LSU – Here’s the game to determine the best of the West, so when Saban brings his Bama boys to the Bayou, it’s going to be a Rolling Tide trying to drown a Bayou Bengal and if Bama has another rough road game, they could be on the outside looking in come playoff time.
But this pack of Pachyderms packs a double sided danger, they play good offense and defense. They can run and they can pass. They can stop the run and they can pause you passing, while the Tigers are a little more one dimensional.
So even though the Kitties have a tough home field to fight in, we think that Bama’s still the best in this battle and that puts LSU on Larry’s loser’s list.
Auburn at Mississippi State – With Harsin back at the homestead, Auburn will have a Cadillac cruising them over to Starkvegas and they’ll be hoping that they can rally ’round the new coach and show the world they ain’t dead yet.
But Mike’s Mutts isn’t interested in resurrecting these tired Tigers and they’ve got some post season plans than entail these Tigers being their sixth win to secure that spot.
So if you’re looking for a feel good story, try the movie channels, not this football fiasco as Auburn continues to sleep walk through this season. Larry’s loser – Auburn
South Carolina at Vanderbilt – The Carolina Cluckers come over to crumbling, crappy, crowded Commodore Stadium to sink the stinking Sailors one more time in front of what little of their fans may show up.
While this win will get the Gamecocks to the post season party, it still won’t be a game worth gandering unless your second cousin plays for one of these teams and you just wanted to see them for a play or two.
So skip this mess, list Vandy once again as Larry’s loser and go to bed early tonight and be in church in the morning.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Well, if you brag when you do well, you have to take the medicine when you don’t, and South Carolina’s upset of Texas A&M caught us blindsided, and though we knew LSU was coming on strong, but we though Kiffin would come up with an answer and he didn’t, do two losses weren’t our usual good tally.
This week there’s plenty of places that the upset bug could bite and we’ve had our ears up to see if we can hear the buzzing. So take a gander and see if you agree with our picks and who we picked for the loser’s list.
Arkansas at Auburn – When the Piggies parade onto the plains to play the Pussycats, it’ll just be another dadgum disaster for these troubled Tigers.
With this loss, you may as well kiss the bowl season goodbye and the only reason they haven’t fired Harsin the harried is they don’t have an assistant coach worth a darn to stick in for the interim.
It’s sad to see a usually combative crew fall to such low levels but you can’t get much lower than last place in the SEC West, so once again, let’s give Auburn their usual place as Larry’s loser.
Florida at Georgia – The Gators gather in Athens to try and put the Dogs in the pound and sneak out with a with that would rock the football world.
But Kirby’s Canines didn’t just finish his obedience school, but they’ve got a black belt in defense so expect the Dogs to muzzle the Mud Lizards early in this one and keep the home fans happy.
Now if the Gators play their best game, they can keep up with the Dogs for a track meet for a while, but everybody knows a Gator ain’t a long distance runner, so the team that ends up running out of gas in the one is the one with the stubbier legs. Larry’s loser – Florida
Missouri and South Carolina – The miserable Midwest Meeyowers mosey over to the East Coast to see if they can raid the henhouse and keep their small bowl dreams alive.
But they boys in Beamer’s barnyard are laying more than eggs, they’re laying in wait and the Pullets with the big peckers will prove they’ve got what it takes to make this Cat want to scat and run home with their tails between their legs.
It might be a good game for a while, but never underestimate the Missourians ability for misery and blowing it late in the game and that in mind, let’s just go ahead and list Larry’s loser at Missouri.
Kentucky at Tennessee – The Kentucky Kitties made the short jump down to Hardknocksville to see if they can de-rail the Vols like they’ve been doing in the past.
But this ain’t your daddy’s Tennessee tribe and this year, they’ve been checking names off the list for past due paybacks and unfortunately for these Tabbies, they’re name is on that list and underlined to boot.
So unless the Vols are looking ahead to Georgia and forget that sometimes any SEC team can bite you in the butt when you least expect it, I think we’re safe listing Larry’s loser as Kentucky.
Ole Miss at Texas A&M – Now this is the game that we’ve bitten our nails down to nub on. We could give you reasons why both these teams will prevail, but when Kiffin’s Commandos come over to Texas to take on the Aggies, there can only be one loser.
Jimbo knows that with just three wins and one cupcake left, he could be saying bye bye to bowl season with a loss in this one, so you can count on him giving this game his all and with a rocking home field, it could be tighter than most folks feel.
But the Rebs have been playing to good this season to let a down and out dirt farmer mess up their dream season, so we’ll pencil in more hard times for the Farm Boys and make Larry’s loser Texas A&M.
Well that’s it for this week folks! The games mean more each week for some and mean less to others, but there’s still some shockers to come and some games that take our breath away! The season’s just going by all too quickly isn’t it?
So till next week, thanks for coming by each week to take part in this party and partake of the wisdom of this old picker. See you back soon.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Oh my goodness, was last week sensational week of warfare last week! The Vols vanquished 15 years of misery, Auburn may be losing, but they’re not losers. they keep on fighting, we picked the Arkansas upset of BYU and what a game that was, and finally Kentucky got back on their winning ways and upset the Bulldogs from Mississippi State.
If that wasn’t a week that was worth the price of admission, you don’t love or understand football at all. This week may not have the marquee match-ups that last one did, but there’s some games here that are gonna make fingernails shorter and hair get greyer.
So let’s get to listing the losers and telling you why you may want to cry when you see that name on the wrong side of the list. Here we go!
UT Martin at Tennessee – The Skyhawks flutter down to Hardknocksville to take on the Vols and pick up one of those big checks for a butt whipping. But these feathered footballers have a potent little offense, so they’ll get their pecks in before succumbing to the inevitable.
Now I don’t think the men in orange are going to have a letdown, but if you were a betting man, don’t take the points and Tennessee as they’ll still be licking wounds in this one.
But these Tennesseans aren’t going to lose this one and we’ll just write this cupcake game up and list Larry’s loser as UT Martin.
Ole Miss at LSU – The undefeated Rebels roll into Baton Rouge’s Bayou Bengal backyard, and there’s gonna be a brawl that’ll last from first whistle to last.
The boys from Lost Wages, Nevada and all the talking heads in the media think it’s almost a coin toss in this one, with the Cajun Kitties having just the slightest of advantage.
If a team gets hot in this one, they could win it all and the team with the hottest streak is the Rebels, so despite the home field advantage, we’re going with our gut and picking the Tigers to be tamed and become Larry’s loser.
Vanderbilt at Missouri – Well folks, here’s the fight for the least in the East, and when the Song City Sailors sail up to Missouri to take on those Midwest Meeyowers it’ll be a battle for the bottom for sure.
Now both these teams have shown flashes of football skill, and befuddled the folks who thought they were bad to the core. Since they are sort of kindred brothers of badness this season, this might be a good game to watch.
But in the end, these Swabbies go down with the ship one more time as these Kitties claw through them one by one ’till they get to the captain, making Larry’s loser Vandy.
Mississippi State at Alabama – After a string of tough games the Tide may be looking to take a break, but here comes Mike’s Mutts from Mississippi knocking on the door and this Dog’s bite may be much worse than his bark when you’re this tired.
Now this could be a game if there are too many mistakes or injuries in the Pachyderm’s pen here in “Tusk”aloosa. The Dogs have a quarterback that can sling that thing and the running backs can make even the best defender dodge the wrong way sometimes, so this one could be close, an upset, or a Tide blowout depending on so many things.
But in the end, you have to pick somebody and we’ve had the team picked for a while and the one we feel is on the wrong end of the list is Mississippi State.
Texas A&M at South Carolina – The tribe of Texans travel over to the Carolinas to try and clobber the Colonel Sanders Squad in their own Chicken coop. And most feel this is what will happen including us.
But both these teams have had wild swings of good to bad and back, and while we’re confident that the Aggies are the better team with a better bench and a wiser old coach, this is the SEC, so Texas better not count these Chicken’s eggs before they hatch.
But still, the cream rises to the top in most cases and unless these Texans trip themselves, we think you can count on Larry’s loser being South Carolina.
Well folks, there’s our best bets for bragging rights this week. Do you think we hit all these nails on the head?
The good lord willing and the creek don’t rise, we’ll see you back here next week where we’ll start all over and go through the SEC listing the losers we all love to laugh at. Hope to see you then.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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I don’t mean to boast, but guess who was perfect in all their picks yet again? Believe me, going against the Vegas boys, finding the upsets, and listing the losers like we do isn’t work for the weak, but we make it look easy, don’t we? We were behind in our studies of one team and almost missed the Kentucky quarterback going from two feet to one. So we had a late change on that one that kept us pleasingly perfect.
Well, enough back-patting. It’s time to get back to work and start all over and that’s just what we’ll do. This week there are some games that could just as easily go either way and we’re running out of fingernails trying to make our final decisions on some of them, but here they are in black and white.
Auburn at Ole Miss – Poor old Auburn, due to all the recent pluckings, they take the bus over to Oxford because these worn Eagles aren’t exactly flight-worthy right now. And to make things worse, these rowdy Rebels have been rousting better opponents than this, so there’s no rest for the weary.
This one is going to go one way ugly pretty early and any feathers the War Eagles have will soon be shot off as Lane Kiffin has his Commandos are battlefield ready on both sides of the ball.
But since it’s the only game on for a while, you might as well watch some of it until the Tide and Tennessee tangle. And if you haven’t figured it out by now, Larry’s loser is Auburn.
Alabama at Tennessee – When the Tide travels up to Tennessee for a real tussle, it’ll be the first time in players’ lifetimes that they can remember both teams being undefeated and nationally ranked.
Yes, Bama’s bettered them the last 15 times they tangled, but this is a new year and the Tide had better be on their A-game if they expect to make it to 16. That’s ‘cuz this Tennessee team finally has all the pieces of the puzzle to put one on the Pachyderms. But Bama’s boys have their big piece back this week and bad boy Bryce may make the difference.
I know this is an over-said, over-aged, tried and true tripe, but in this one, the one that makes the least mistakes are gonna come out on top and something tells me the Vols are just gonna try just a little too hard and push the limits of their ability just a little too far, and in a game that could just be the most watched game of the season so far. Larry’s loser – Tennessee
Vanderbilt at Georgia – Last week the Swabbies from Song City threw a scare into the Rebels for a little while. Now the Rebels have been rolling right along for most of the season so far, and I’ve said all season that these Sailor boys are tougher than their win / loss column may show, but this week they’re dallying with the biggest Dog they’ve played so far when Georgia rolls into town.
Now I wouldn’t dream, even after a bottle of Caribbean rum, that Vandy is going to win this game, but I also don’t know that I’d take the points and bet on a blowout that most think will happen in this game.
But with two bigger games coming up quickly for these Dogs, they better not overlook this scrappy team too much, but they’re still sure to put Vandy on the loser’s list.
Arkansas at BYU – The Pigs parade into Provo to battle the boys from BYU and the boys in Lost Wages, Nevada, and the talking heads in the media all want you to believe the Cougars will cruise in this one.
But as my old friend Lee Corso so often officiates, “Not so fast my friend!” Recently these Hogs have fallen from heaven and they are in desperate need of a little salvation for the swine. So maybe this week they find both Jesus and the win column and a miracle happens.
Forget what everybody tells you, we hear the upset bug buzzing his way to BYU and we’re telling you now this is the upset that most folks aren’t going to get. Larry’s loser – BYU
LSU at Florida – The Bayou Bengals barge into the swamp to demand some payback for last years heartbreaking loss in their own den, but the only thing Florida is willing to promise is a fight to the finish.
This contest has turned into quite a little rivalry and we could actually see this going either way. In fact, we’ve lost sleep thinking of all the ways this could wind up and why.
But we think that despite being almost beaten by an awful Auburn team in their last contest, they’ll have claws sharpened for this one and send the gathered Gator fans home with tears in their eyes. Larry’s loser – Florida.
Mississippi State at Kentucky – Kentucky started off this season as the SEC Cinderella. But unlike the story you know so well, nobody has found their glass slipper after that first loss and this ain’t the team that’s going to help them find it.
When these Bulldogs come to Kentucky to curtail the Kitties, this is gonna be a very, very, very good game to gander. Even the boys in Lost Wages see this almost as a coin toss, so like you, we’re wondering which way to lean towards the loser’s list.
So to give you some insight into our final decision, the Dogs can win a track meet a little easier than Wildcat, so let’s just go ahead and list Kentucky as Larry’s loser and do just like you and watch it unfold and wonder.
Well fans, that’s it for this week’s warfare. We sincerely want to thank you for being a part of our fun each week. For almost 20 years we’ve been listing the losers in a laugh-filled way. But while we like to poke fun at the situations in the SEC, we take our picking quite seriously and have won numerous accolades and awards for the prognosticating prowess that we possess.
So till next week, tell your mama, tell your friends and even that uncle you don’t care for much to take a gander at our game picking and put a little fun in their weekend of watching wonderful football. See you later, I got snacks to snag for the games I’ll be watching myself.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Well sports fans, last week we didn’t let the upset bug bite us and we garnered all the games in perfect order exposing all the losers in a way that only the experts at the Loser’s Lair can list. Can we go perfect again this week? We think so, but read ’em and see what your wits tell you.
We got lots of exciting SEC on SEC action this week and you know now that anything can happen in the SEC. Just ask Georgia whose coaches had to get a carton of crowbars to unclench the cheeks of their Canines after last week’s tight game with the worst team in the SEC so far.
So let’s get to listing the losers and see who may be puckered up this weekend and with the proper repellent, keep the Upset Bug at bay.
Tennessee at LSU – The Vols are on a roll and when they roll into Baton Rouge this Saturday morning, these high flying Hillbillies are hoping to add a Tiger’s head to the trophy wall over the fireplace.
Now last week, these Bayou Bengals had their hands full of some pitiful players from the Plains of Auburn. So when LSU plays a team that’s hitting on all cylinders, it may not be pretty for these Pussycats. If this were a night game, I would lean towards the Tigers for sure, but this is a daytime game and all the Cajun Kitties fault just show up better.
So momentum builds to the clash of the Vols and the Georgia Hounds because these Hillbillies take care of business big this week and makes Larry’s loser – LSU
Arkansas at Mississippi State – The Hogs have been put on the barbie now for two weeks in a row and this week they’re hoping to return to the form of old and re-establish themselves in the SEC’s top tier.
But the Dogs took the Texas boys to task last week to prove that this old Dog can take a bone from any team in the SEC if they make a mistake or four.
So while the Swine are still the media darlings and the Lost Wages, Nevada pick, we’ll pick the Porkers too, but we pick losers, so the loser this week is Arkansas.
Missouri at Florida – The Midwest Meeyowers made some people including me sit up and take notice that they had the nation’s number one team in trouble last week. Now if they can be a Tiger like that last week against the nation’s best, can they play like that again this week?
The answer is no. These are the same Cat box crappers that out uglied Auburn just a few weeks ago, so while I believe in the redemption, I don’t think these Tabbies will redeem themselves anytime this season.
I just don’t see the Gators being out uglied by such a pitiful pack of Pussycats. So that’ll make make the miserable Missourians Larry’s loser in this one.
Auburn at Georgia – This week the worn Eagles fly into Athens and hope they can avoid another plucking by the players from the Pound in Georgia.
Last week these Dogs had their tails between their legs and butt clenched so hard for most of the Missouri game that coaches have been unclenching them with crowbars this week at practice.
We think these pooches are going to show the world that last week was an anomaly they won’t repeat with these players from the Plains and that puts Auburn firmly on the losers list in this one.
Ole Miss at Vanderbilt – Kiffin’s Commandos try and sink the Swabbies in Song City in their home waters, but this may not be the runaway that most think is going to happen.
This has been a surprisingly strong squad of Seamen so far this season and is the kind of team you’d better not try and take too lightly.
But if you tally the talent, measure the muscle and look for breakaway ballers, one team just has more of that than the other, so let’s list Vandy on the loser’s list, but warn the Rebels not to ever let up.
South Carolina at Kentucky – The Carolina Cluckers caravan down from the Henhouse in South Carolina and plan on pecking these Pussycats down and send the Felines fleeing the field in panic.
Meanwhile, these Kentucky Kitties are planning a plucking of pullets and filling the freezer with some fricassee.
Some folks see this as a Wildcat rout and it may well be, but these two have a history of making each other miserable and it could be an entertaining endeavor. But someone has to lose and this year in this contest, we’re check marking the Cluckers and making Larry’s loser South Carolina. Before kickoff, we learned the Kitty Quarterback was a one foot wonder, wouldn’t play and we changed that pick to favoring the feathered footballers making Larry’s loser Kentucky.
Texas A&M at Alabama – The troubled Texans troop on over to Tuscaloosa to take on the Tide and if they thought last week was bad, they better take a tranquilizer as their coming into Title Town.
They say an Elephant doesn’t forget, and the boys in Crimson won’t forget the flippancy of Fisher’s lips as he bad mouthed the Crimson clad lads and their coach and while they would surely get penalized to rubbing his face in those comments, they can and will surely take it out on the Farm Boys.
So we’ll just advise Jimbo to keep his jawbone shut in the future, look to see if he can get a refund on some of those boys he bought, and we’ll list Texas A&M as the losers for this one.
Well sports fans, that’s it for this week except for the excuse caboose on the train of tears. Let’s see what the coaches and players come up with on why they landed on the losers list, and laugh at the lines they come up with.
Next week is gonna be another great week and we’ve already peeked ahead and there are gonna be some games just right for the Upset Bug to bite. While that makes for great football viewing, it makes us nervous.
So we’ll get to work, keep our ears to the ground, and find the little things that make us so good at sleuthing the squads with weakening bods and all finding the clues that’ll have them singing the blues. Till then, see you next week.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Three lousy inches. That’s what kept me for being perfect last week. Had the Arkansas Swine’s kicker been three inches to the right, I would have picked them all perfectly. But hey, you can’t cry in football, so let’s put that behind us and talk about something good.
I told you the Auburn / Missouri game would be a miserable game between the two worst teams and they lived up to their reputation in a game that nobody was really worthy to win.
But here we are, with more meaningful games going on, with more SEC on SEC action and it’s finally getting the feel or a real season. So with no further platitudes, let’s get to pickin’.
South Carolina State at South Carolina – The South Carolina Chicken clan usually doesn’t fare too well against Bulldogs, but these mongrels are the South Carolina kind of Canines, not the Georgia variety.
So here’s an easy win to start the week with to put these Pullets back on the path for a bowl game. These poor Bulldogs are going to be real pecker heads in this contest, so they better keep those helmets on tight.
This is one I don’t see a chance of losing, because I do see a clear loser in this laugher. Larry’s loser is South Carolina State.
Now I know why they called us pecker heads when we were getting off the bus!
Kentucky at Ole Miss – The running Wildcats come a calling on the rolling Rebels in that stadium near the grove this weekend, and it’ll be a battle of the unbeatens that could be one of the big games of the week to watch.
Mark Stoops is proof that you shouldn’t fire a coach after three years and give him a chance to make his mark, and these Kentucky Kitties are used to pulling off the upsets and Kiffin’s Commandos better keep the powder dry and their heads down or they could get all scratched up in this one.
But after studying the statistics and the scene to unfold, we think home field and the defensive readiness of the Rebels will win the day. So in one we can’t wait to watch, Larry’s loser will be Kentucky.
Eastern Washington at Florida – The Eagles flap all the across the country to pick up a big pay check and and a bigger pounding, it couldn’t come at a better time for these recently repulsed Reptiles.
After a heated heartbreaking loss to Tennessee last week, these Gators need some rest, some confidence and a big meal of Eagle meat will hit all three of those items.
So in just one of a few cupcake clashes this week, watch the good games and just know that this prediction is written in stone and we chiseled Larry’s loser as Eastern Washington.
Alabama at Arkansas – When the pack of Pachyderms pack up the plane and fly up to Fayetteville to visit the Pig Pen, it’s a game that’s gonna tell us all just how good both these teams really are.
‘Cuz both have looked good and both and looked bad and this is one of those contests where the real team will have to stand up and be counted.
This is a tougher game to pick than at face value. How will the Hogs react to a game they should have won last week? Will the Tide still have road trip troubles? It’s a lot to consider. But in the end, one is used to winning when they’re supposed to and one still struggles, so let’s just list Larry’s loser at Arkansas and move along.
BBQ anyone?
Texas A&M at Mississippi State – When Fisher’s Farmers file into the stadium in Starkvegas this Saturday, Mike’s Mutts will be laying in wait to waylay the Aggies.
Some people just don’t see this game too clearly, yes, A&M is a good team, they were a lucky team last week, but these Mutts from the Muddy River state do one thing the Aggies just don’t do. Score lots of point.
So it’s pretty obvious to us that the winner usually has a lot of points and the loser doesn’t, so let’s list up the low point loser as Texas A&M.
LSU at Auburn – Watching Auburn play football is like watching an old movie, “Dead Man Walking” as both the team and especially the coach, is just biding time until the inevitable.
So when LSU shows up on the Plains for this party, they’ve got one thing going for them that Missouri didn’t last week. Last week I said Auburn never loses two in a row in their home stadium but they can lose two out three.
So Auburn continues down the road to despair and LSU gets another victory to get them closer to being bowl bound and that makes Larry’s loser – Auburn
Georgia at Missouri – Last week Missouri played in a game that nobody apparently wanted to win. Missouri is proof that you can lead a horse to the goal line, but you can’t make him score.
So this week when the Big Bad Bulldogs bus over to the Midwest Meeyowers home to take on those Tabbies, these cats will pull a dog’s trick and roll over and play dead.
In a game that may has well been a cupcake clash, this is gonna be a one act play, so let’s go ahead and draw the curtain, see the slaughter and then all go home. Larry’s loser – Missouri
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Last week was another with a lot of cupcake games and slowly we’re going to finish stinking up the season and we’ll be involved in more SEC on SEC games. This week has some goodies to gander and the picture will clean up as the muddy waters hiding the bad teams will finally clear up and the real losers will all be exposed. But we have more cupcakes to deal with first.
Vandy had me worried last week after picking them, but they came through in the end. Auburn reverted to Auburn of old and simply stunk up Jordan – Haire and let me down. And A&M finally showed a heartbeat and beat a Miami team that was much worse than previously hyped. There are still some teams that we just haven’t figured out if they’re really Jekyll or Hyde.
So let’s get to listing and see if we can’t get a perfect week without missing the one the upset bug is bound to bite. Here we go:
Kent State at Georgia– When the Golden Flushes, uh, I mean Flashes, show up between the hedges for their big payoff, their going to get a rough plucking to go with that check.
Kirby’s Canines will beat these birds as badly as they want and the only reason to watch this game would be if you have a child playing on one of the teams.
So get the remote ready before the Dogs flush these feathered footballers back up North where they belong. Larry’s loser – Kent State
Missouri at Auburn – I remember when the Tigers used to be a terror at home, but after rolling over and playing dead against Penn State there last week, another Feline shows up to try and take advantage of this Worn Eagle.
Now these are two teams of terrible Tabbies who will fight this season to keep from being the worst of the their division. So to figure who is worst of the worst at this point is why I make the big bucks and have the history of hitting the loser hard on the head.
So while I hate to pick either one, the lesser of two evils is clear, Missouri is more miserable, the players on the plains rarely lose two in a row at home, so we’ll go with Larry’s loser being Missouri.
Bowling Green at Mississippi State – The Falcons fly into Starkvegas this week for a big check and a butt whoopin’ and these are just the Dogs that can do it.
Maybe if they had kidnapped a few Corvettes the factory at Bowling Green, maybe they could speed around the hounds, but as it is, they’ll soon be chew toys to play with for these pooches.
So in the third of the cupcake clashes so far, let’s just list up these listless little birdies and make Larry’s loser – Bowling Green
Florida at Tennessee – The gasping for breath Gators gather at the stadium by the river in Hardknocksville and while hopes were high at the start of the season for these Reptiles, reality has set in and they realize they’ll be playing just to stay alive in this one.
So far this season, these Volunteers have kept their powder dry and their aim sharp and this is not going to be a game that goes from that script and all the women up in hill country will soon be sporting new Alligator handbags.
So write ’em up, the loser in this one will be clear and written in indelible ink. Larry’s loser is sure to be Florida.
Tulsa at Ole Miss – Oh Lordy, my Lordy, won’t these cupcake clashes ever end? Well not this week as now we see the Golden Hurricanes blow into Oxford, but it’ll seem a lot more like a gentle breeze.
Lane Kiffin has been at Oxford now long enough to get all the pieces of his puzzle pretty much put together, and his Rebels are rolling opponents to the dumpsters whether good or bad.
And it ain’t that Tulsa is a terrible team, but they are going to look like it in this one. And that means the loser on this list is none other than Tulsa.
Northern Illinois at Kentucky – Last week Northern Illinois took on Vandy and put a scare in them for over three quarters, so when they take on another SEC team, they feel like they’ll not just get another big check, but another chance to see if they can steal a win from the King of conferences.
But these Kentucky Kitties ain’t no Swabbies from Song City, so in this cat and dog fight, it’s going to be all Kitty all day long and the only scare that’ll be thrown in this game will be the scare these Huskies will have is making it to the exits alive.
So grab the remote and commence the clicking, there’s better battling to be beguiled with and let’s just list up Larry’s loser as Northern Illinois and go on to the next one.
Arkansas at Texas A&M – When the Hogs leave the Pen and parade into College Station, this was supposed to be a game that decided who might be second best in the West, but we already know these Aggies aren’t second best and barely second class.
It’ll still be a great game to gander for two reasons. I’ll let us see just how good the Hogs are against an SEC team and just how bad the Aggies are in the same scenario.
But we don’t have to wonder about who to like for this list, you can add on the Aggies to the losers list and feel really good about it.
This could be a game the upset bug could rear his ugly, needle-nosed head at!
Vanderbilt at Alabama – So far the Commodores have been putting together a great season, especially for their standards, but when they drop the anchor where the Pachyderms play, they’ll know why they call that place Title Town.
Saban has a warm spot in his heart for Vandy and the only thing we don’t know is how bad he’ll let the beatdown go until he calls off the dogs.
So while it’s still SEC on SEC play, for Bama, it may as well be another cupcake clash as Saban plays the bench the Tide rests the best for the battle with the Boars next week. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt
New Mexico at LSU – Well they’re not exactly a Lone Wolf as they’re billed, because a whole team of them, but when Lobos show up for that big SEC paycheck, they may hate what they have to endure to earn it.
LSU may not be an SEC elite this year, but they don’t have to be to make these flea-bitten Lobos look like losers and they may just get the shutout they’ve been wanting.
So don’t even give this game five minutes and look for more interesting endeavors as this game helps LSU in a bowl and puts the Lobos in the rehab room for a week. Larry’s losers – New Mexico
Charlotte at South Carolina – When you get thoroughly thrashed as these Gamecocks did last weekend, seeing the 49’ers come to Coop will be a sight for sore eyes. Because just as the name says, they aren’t worth 50 cents.
So these miners won’t be mining for gold, they could just be digging their own graves, so leave the picks and shovels at home, take the check, kill the clock get the heck out of Dodge as soon as possible.
So we end this week of cupcake clashes with one more sugary swaray and list the last loser this week as Charlotte.
Well, that’s it for this week folks. I promise if you just hang around long enough, we’ll have a slate of super games to slobber over!
Till then, say your prayers, comb your hairs, and don’t take dares and we’ll see you all back here next week as we list the losers on the funniest fan site on the internet.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Wow folks, last week I told you that Bama could win by as little as one point and they did, we picked the Tennessee upset over Pittsburg, AND the upset win by Kentucky over Florida. We also told you that the Texas A&M – App State game could be a shocker, so we feel finely tuned in to what’s going on the football world so far this season, although the Vandy upset didn’t quite come through.
Well this week there’s still some cupcakes to contend with but there’s also some good games to gander, so if you’re man or woman enough to deal with the truth, read on and see if your team is going to come up on the lame list for losers this week. Now, let’s get to picking.
Georgia at South Carolina – When the Hounds invade the Henhouse in Clucksville, Carolina it may not be the plucking you expect. This’ll be a contest worth a watch as the Dogs may just overlook a bunch of escapees from a chicken dinner.
Now I’m not bold enough to predict an upset, but I will predict that these Carolina Cluckers will use their peckers on these Pooches and they aren’t going to escape without a few war marks themselves.
This is one of those games that could go the other way if the Bulldogs make too many mistakes, but in the end, we still this being a Dog’s day putting South Carolina on the losers list.
I’m going to lock down the East with this game. It’s good to be the KING!
Youngstown State at Kentucky – Yes, we’re still gonna gave to put up with some cupcake clashes this week and here’s the first.
The Penguins waddle into Cat country to pick up a big check and a Wildcat walloping that won’t be worth watching.
So reach for the remote, find some football worth watch and just take our word for it that Larry’s loser will be Youngstown State.
Abilene Christian at Missouri – Abilene,,, Abilene, one of the worst teams,,,, I’ve ever seen… Only you old folks will remember the song I’m making fun of. But the rest of you will soon see why I said this if you exercise to waste three hours to watch this cupcake clash.
In one of those games that help many SEC teams make a bowl game, the Tigers put a pounding on these Pussycats from Texas.
So without further ado or explanation, let’s just list the loser as Abilene and go on to more worthy games.
Ole Miss at Georgia Tech – When Kiffin’s Commandos enter the Bee Hive in Hotlanta for this contest, it’s SEC on ACC action, but most of the action be caused by the Rebels in this clash.
Now I ain’t gonna call this a cupcake clash, but when you see the final score, you’ll think it was. These Yellow Jackets couldn’t sting a fly last season and they won’t be much better this season.
So at least in this one, the SEC looks like a giant killer as the Rebs roust the Ramblin’ Wreck one more time and put Ga. Tech on Larry’s loser’s list.
Penn State at Auburn – When the Panthers from Pennsylvania parade onto the plains to play with their Pussycat cousins down in Auburn town, this will be a great game to see where both teams are on the big power scale.
Last season, both these teams started out well only to fall off a cliff as the season went on and both feel like they have a lot to prove this season and show they’ve learned from their meeyowing mistakes.
This is one I don’t want to miss and it’s a pick you can surely panic over. But when you aren’t sure, you look at the home team, and God, are they noisy, and SEC muscle over Big Ten bluster and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Penn State for the first upset of the day.
The War Eagles have the home field advantage and will hit them from the high ground.
Vanderbilt at Northern Illinois – The Sad Sack Sailors from Song City, Tennessee set sail for the Land of Lincoln and except for one miscue, they’ve looked competitive so far this season.
Now this really isn’t such a cupcake as these Huskies can put a good bite on a team that ain’t giving it their all.
But something tells me that pigskin Poopdeckers are going to try to right the ship this week and will come out on top making Larry’s loser – Northern Illinios
UL Monroe at Alabama – When the Warhawks come to Titletown this weekend, they’ll be hoping that Elephants don’t really have a good memory and that they’ll have forgotten about the upset win they partied over some time ago.
But after the Ferarri engine that is Alabama’s offense sputtered so badly last weekend, they are gonna try and have it fine-tuned from here on out and that should spell doomsday for these feathered footballers.
The Vandy / Northern Illinois game should be a lot more entertaining to watch than the pugilistic Pachyderms pummeling these poor pigskinners from Monroe. Larry’s loser – UL Monroe
Beat us once and we’ll hang 60 on you next time. I ain’t calling off the dogs this game.
Mississippi State at LSU – Now here’s a goodie for sure. When that battling Bulldogs from the muddy river state barge down to Baton Rouge a battle between a Bayou Bengal and bad attitude Bulldog should go 60 minutes of flying fur fun.
Now the boys in Lost Wages, Nevada are seeing a Tiger triumph, but I’ve been less that impressed by what I’ve seen that was supposed to be football coming from that swampy section of the state.
Until I see Brain Kelly’s eye focus on the feild and not look like he’s just finished a half a kilo of blow, I’m not going to have much faith in these felines, and that’ll make Larry’s loser – LSU
Missouri State at Arkansas – When the Bears show up in Arkansas, they’ll hold out their hand for that big check while bending their Bear bottoms over for the whoopin’ their gonna get.
And these Hogs are just the men to give them what they came for and keep padding that win column toward a really good bowl day brawl.
It won’t be entertaining to watch, so with all the channels at your disposal, just keep clicking till you find a better contest, ‘cuz in this one, it’s a Hogs. Larry’s loser – Missouri State.
Akron at Tennessee – After the warfare that these Volunteers endured last week, they’ll be glad to see a team that knows they’re near zero show up as, after all, they are the Zips.
So this game will let rest up for a toughie down the road, let the subs get some scrimmaging and take a collective sigh overall.
And you can believe that unless these Hillbilles spent the night before drinking corn squeezings until sun up, that the sure name on Larry’s loser list in this game will most certainly be Akron
South Florida at Florida – When the Bulls bus up to Gainesville for the gathering this weekend, the welcome mat won’t be laid out as these Gators were gashed last weekend by some Kentucky Kitties once again.
And with sore egos all around, it’s time to get that offense back in racing mode and fine sand those rough edges away before they get back into more SEC clashes.
So the Bulls earn a nice payday, but pay a big price for it as these Gators take no prisoners and but the name of South Florida on the loser’s list this weekend.
Miami at Texas A&M – When the Hurricanes blow into College Station this weekend, they’ll find a bunch of Aggies still scratching their head wondering how they lost last week to a piddling pigskin program like App State.
Maybe it’s because when you buy players interested only in dollars, they have no interest in your fanbase, traditions or team.
Now these hot wind Hurricanes may not have A&M’s defensive depth, but their offense has been breathing fire so far this season and that may be enough to defeat the Aggies and light a fire under Jimbo’s seat. We’re going with our gut and going Larry’s loser will be Texas A&M.
Well that’s it for this week folks. I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. After this week, we’re going to know earlier than ever who are the true haves and the poor old have nots when it comes to division champions.
Could A&M really put Jimbo on notice with a loss? Anything’s possible after what Nebraska did last week after they lost to a Sunbelt team just like Jimbo did. Boy, has this season already turned into a Mexican soap opera or what?
So put a seat belt on the Barcalounger and strap yourself in. It’s going to be a bumpy ride for sure this season for a lot of teams and a lot of coaches. See you next week!
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Well folks, there’s still some cupcake clashes to contend with, but there’s some contests that took a lot of considering too, so put on your hip boots and let’s wade through this week’s warfare and separate the winners from the losers.
Speaking of losers, we missed the LSU game last week as the Bayou Bunglers lifted their skirts like last season and let lesser teams have their way with them. And that my friends, was the only loser in a great week for the SEC.
But this is a new week, and there could be be more weepers than last week, so grab a Kleenex and see if you have reason to cry as we start listing the losers.
Alabama at Texas – When the Tide travels to Texas to lay one on the Longhorns, the Angus’ are going to get kicked in the anus and may want to re-think a thumping like this every season once they join the SEC.
It ain’t that Texas isn’t a good team, but they ain’t up to the same altitude of the big boys yet and I’m sure they can make it entertaining and if it isn’t, you can do a drinking game by taking a shot every time the announcers talk about Texas joining the SEC in the near future.
Now Sark knows the Tide and how Pete Golding, the defensive guru thinks, so he may have some trick plays up his sleeve, but whether it’s by one point or many, in this contest, it’s sure to be Texas on Larry’s list of losers.
South Carolina at Arkansas – When the Carolina Cluckers come a calling on the Razorbacks, we’ll finally be seeing some good old SEC on SEC action and this one is a case of two up and comers coming together at full speed.
Last year both these teams surprised us with their tenacity down the stretch and both made themselves bowl eligible by the end of the season and few predicted that.
The Colonel Sanders Squad have filled a big hole at quarterback and the Hogs return a lot of vets from their fine Swine of last season, so this could be just about anybody’s game. But in the end, the you have to go with the home team and that’ll leave the Cocks a little limp at the wrong time. Larry’s loser – South Carolina
Missouri at Kansas State – The Missouri Meeyowers take on neighboring Kitties from Kansas State and this might just be a Catfight worth watching.
Last season, the Tigers somehow made it to postseason with two late season sensational wins against SEC foes and they’re hoping to keep the momentum going with a highly visible win against a Big Twelve team that usually goes bowling every year and finished higher than the Missouri men last season.
But something tells me these slow starting Tigers are going to do the same again this season and while it might be a goodie to gander, we just feel like they just won’t have enough to whip these Wildcats and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Missouri
Wake Forrest at Vanderbilt – When the Demon Deacons come a calling on the Commodores down in Song City, they won’t be coming for a prayer meeting, but to sink these Sailors in their own home port.
Now I’ve discounted the Commodores already this season and been proven wrong and I don’t intend to do it again. Until they go down with the ship like they used to, I’m going to buck the consensus train of thought and ride this train till it derails.
Therefore, at least for now, we can expect Vanderbilt to be Nashville’s New Boys and not the sinking sailors of the past. So despite the odds, I’m going with my gut and pick Larry’s losers to be Wake Forrest in a BIG upset.
Tennessee at Pittsburg – The Volunteering hill dwellers wander from the mountains and come out in Pittsburg for a little pigskin party with the Panthers.
Now this is a good game to gander as both these teams are picked to make it to post season and most feel the Panthers will have an edge on these coonskin crusaders.
But I think the Vols are ready for the an upset win early this season and that they put their hunting skills to good use and bring home a new trophy to hang over the fireplace and put on Larry’s list the name of Pittsburg.
Appalachian State at Texas A&M – When the Mountaineers come down to the flatlands of College Station to take on the Aggies, they might feel a little like a fish out of water.
Now folks while the score could wind up being one sided, this ain’t really a cupcake game, ‘cuz these Mountain Men have gone bowling and usually wind up with division championships albeit in a lesser league.
So if these Aggies are looking ahead to the South Florida Hurricanes, they might get a shock from these Mountain Men and end up in barnyard brawl before it’s over. But you have to go with the SEC muscle over the App State hustle and make Larry’s loser App State
Samford at Georgia – Here we go folks, it’s the Bulldog Bowl as Samford brings their puppies to party with the bullying Bulldogs from the Red Clay Country.
Now Samford’s just going to try to come and and get out with as few casualties as possible and deposit that big check on the way out of town for the punishment they’re going to take in this one.
If there’s a Mexican soap opera in the upper channels without captions, it would still be more entertaining that this cupcake contest. Larry’s loser – Samford
Kentucky at Florida – When the Wildcats wander off Interstate 75 to the Swamp in Gainesville, they know they’re in for a fight and this game is going to be an early indication of who lines up behind Georgia in the pecking order of the SEC East.
The odds makers in Lost Wages, Nevada think this is going to almost be a coinflip to pick, but we feel confident that the Wildcats won’t go to mild cats in this one and show that their recent hard fought wins weren’t no fluke.
Florida will have another day, like they did last week, as I think they finally got a coach that can resuscitate this down and out reptile, but it won’t be today. Larry’s loser – Florida
Central Arkansas at Ole Miss – When the Bears come out the Arkansas woods and wander down to Oxford to see how they measure up against the Rebels, they’ll find out they’re a mile away from the standards of an SEC team.
Yes, this is a cupcake classic, and the good old Bears are going to leave with a clobbering, a lifetime of memories and a very big check.
I hope the batteries in your remote are good, ‘cuz you’re gonna want to switch this game quickly and start looking for more fascinating football. Larry’s loser – Central Arkansas
San Jose State at Auburn – Yes, they are West Coast Spartans, but these sissy sword slingers are not the USC version, the third class cousins from another part of California.
So when you realize what a cupcake clash this is, not even someone who has a son on the team can stand to watch the worthlessness, so it’ll be onto bigger and better broadcasts on your big screens.
So even though there might be tough times ahead for these Tigers, we haven’t a doubt who winds up on the losers list in this one and it’s sure to be San Jose State.
Southern at LSU – Chip Kelly is trying to get his Southern charm down pat after taking over these Tigers, but he won’t waste any of it on these joke of a Jaguar. They come to Baton Rouge with their hand out for a check and their butts out for a beating.
Folks, this is a cupcake clash that the Tigers could win with their Scout Team and it’s games like this that makes the SEC look so silly. But after looking silly themselves last week, the Tigers really need this win.
Not even a coach without a clue can’t screw up this game, so let’s not waste more time or ink on this one and just list up Larry’s loser as Southern.
Mississippi State at Arizona – The Muddy River Bulldogs bus on down to Desertville to waylay the woebegone Wildcats down in Cactus Country.
While this might not look like a cupcake clash on paper, the final scoreboard will make it look like one as the Mildcats use up all nine lives in this one.
After the fur stops flying in this one, it’ll only be cat fur covering the field and the easy pick in this one is Larry’s loser as Arizona.
Well, that’s it for this week folks, you can share this saga on your own pages and sorely wait till next week when hopefully the cupcake clashes come to an end and we have more men on men type football to enjoy.
Till then, remember what they taught you in Sunday School, Kindergarten and in your own home, because the first lessons you learned, were and always be the most important and let folks like me be the ones who pass the poo and laugh at losers.
But I can’t leave without showing you a photo that such a close 2nd place to the one I used.
Yep, the Longhorns go limp this week after a lot of smack talking!
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Even though this is a one off contest, it’s still the first week that an SEC team takes their field so technically, this is week one whether you like it or not. So even though next week will have all the full flavor of the first week full of games, let’s just deal with this little preview and then simply forget about it.
Vanderbilt at Hawaii – The Song City Swabbies sail out to Hawaii hoping for some fair skies, blue water and hula girls, but instead they’ll find a team of angry men in green waiting to pound them with traditional war clubs and send them home with a trip to paradise they’ll be wanting to forget.
Now we’re not saying that the Commodores can’t make a game of it, just that the final tally will find them needing a few more points.
Hey, it could be a game that goes either way, but when it doubt, count on these usually sinking Sailors to live up to their reputation and that will make Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt.
OK, with this out of the way, lets take the time to list a few losers that won’t show up on the weekly loser’s list we do each week.
We’ll call it, the other losers lists for reasons other than failing to post a victory on the scoreboard and here we go.
Auburn – What a bunch of losers for airing their dirty laundry over the question of keeping their coach or not in such a public and humiliating way for the coach and his family. This is just one reason why Auburn has paid every coach to leave since Adam met Eve it seems.
Hey Auburn, please coagulate your feces and if you don’t get that, ask a smarter person than you must be.
Even Charles Barkley, an Auburn super celebrity couldn’t watch this infighting without cringing.
Vanderbilt – Can you please make an effort to act like you should belong as an SEC football team? The SEC gives you almost 55 million bucks a year, and your stadium sucks, you don’t produce a team that represents well outside the conference and you don’t even have an Athletic Department!
We’re paying you like you were a Cadillac, but you perform like a Yugo. Most SEC teams are like Victoria Secret models and this is you…
Ok, well that’s it for this week folks, at least next week we’ll have some real games to consider and we’re looking forward to another great season where we list a lot losers correctly, upset a bunch of fan bases and poke some fun at your favorite teams.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THESE SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME TIME COMMENTS ATHTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
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Alabama and the SEC 