Larry’s losers in the SEC – Week 3 – 2022

Well folks, there’s still some cupcake clashes to contend with, but there’s some contests that took a lot of considering too, so put on your hip boots and let’s wade through this week’s warfare and separate the winners from the losers.

Speaking of losers, we missed the LSU game last week as the Bayou Bunglers lifted their skirts like last season and let lesser teams have their way with them. And that my friends, was the only loser in a great week for the SEC.

But this is a new week, and there could be be more weepers than last week, so grab a Kleenex and see if you have reason to cry as we start listing the losers.

Alabama at Texas – When the Tide travels to Texas to lay one on the Longhorns, the Angus’ are going to get kicked in the anus and may want to re-think a thumping like this every season once they join the SEC.

It ain’t that Texas isn’t a good team, but they ain’t up to the same altitude of the big boys yet and I’m sure they can make it entertaining and if it isn’t, you can do a drinking game by taking a shot every time the announcers talk about Texas joining the SEC in the near future.

Now Sark knows the Tide and how Pete Golding, the defensive guru thinks, so he may have some trick plays up his sleeve, but whether it’s by one point or many, in this contest, it’s sure to be Texas on Larry’s list of losers.

South Carolina at Arkansas – When the Carolina Cluckers come a calling on the Razorbacks, we’ll finally be seeing some good old SEC on SEC action and this one is a case of two up and comers coming together at full speed.

Last year both these teams surprised us with their tenacity down the stretch and both made themselves bowl eligible by the end of the season and few predicted that.

The Colonel Sanders Squad have filled a big hole at quarterback and the Hogs return a lot of vets from their fine Swine of last season, so this could be just about anybody’s game. But in the end, the you have to go with the home team and that’ll leave the Cocks a little limp at the wrong time. Larry’s loser – South Carolina

Missouri at Kansas State – The Missouri Meeyowers take on neighboring Kitties from Kansas State and this might just be a Catfight worth watching.

Last season, the Tigers somehow made it to postseason with two late season sensational wins against SEC foes and they’re hoping to keep the momentum going with a highly visible win against a Big Twelve team that usually goes bowling every year and finished higher than the Missouri men last season.

But something tells me these slow starting Tigers are going to do the same again this season and while it might be a goodie to gander, we just feel like they just won’t have enough to whip these Wildcats and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Missouri

Wake Forrest at Vanderbilt – When the Demon Deacons come a calling on the Commodores down in Song City, they won’t be coming for a prayer meeting, but to sink these Sailors in their own home port.

Now I’ve discounted the Commodores already this season and been proven wrong and I don’t intend to do it again. Until they go down with the ship like they used to, I’m going to buck the consensus train of thought and ride this train till it derails.

Therefore, at least for now, we can expect Vanderbilt to be Nashville’s New Boys and not the sinking sailors of the past. So despite the odds, I’m going with my gut and pick Larry’s losers to be Wake Forrest in a BIG upset.

Tennessee at Pittsburg – The Volunteering hill dwellers wander from the mountains and come out in Pittsburg for a little pigskin party with the Panthers.

Now this is a good game to gander as both these teams are picked to make it to post season and most feel the Panthers will have an edge on these coonskin crusaders.

But I think the Vols are ready for the an upset win early this season and that they put their hunting skills to good use and bring home a new trophy to hang over the fireplace and put on Larry’s list the name of Pittsburg.

Appalachian State at Texas A&M – When the Mountaineers come down to the flatlands of College Station to take on the Aggies, they might feel a little like a fish out of water.

Now folks while the score could wind up being one sided, this ain’t really a cupcake game, ‘cuz these Mountain Men have gone bowling and usually wind up with division championships albeit in a lesser league.

So if these Aggies are looking ahead to the South Florida Hurricanes, they might get a shock from these Mountain Men and end up in barnyard brawl before it’s over. But you have to go with the SEC muscle over the App State hustle and make Larry’s loser App State

Samford at Georgia – Here we go folks, it’s the Bulldog Bowl as Samford brings their puppies to party with the bullying Bulldogs from the Red Clay Country.

Now Samford’s just going to try to come and and get out with as few casualties as possible and deposit that big check on the way out of town for the punishment they’re going to take in this one.

If there’s a Mexican soap opera in the upper channels without captions, it would still be more entertaining that this cupcake contest. Larry’s loser – Samford

Kentucky at Florida – When the Wildcats wander off Interstate 75 to the Swamp in Gainesville, they know they’re in for a fight and this game is going to be an early indication of who lines up behind Georgia in the pecking order of the SEC East.

The odds makers in Lost Wages, Nevada think this is going to almost be a coinflip to pick, but we feel confident that the Wildcats won’t go to mild cats in this one and show that their recent hard fought wins weren’t no fluke.

Florida will have another day, like they did last week, as I think they finally got a coach that can resuscitate this down and out reptile, but it won’t be today. Larry’s loser – Florida

Central Arkansas at Ole Miss – When the Bears come out the Arkansas woods and wander down to Oxford to see how they measure up against the Rebels, they’ll find out they’re a mile away from the standards of an SEC team.

Yes, this is a cupcake classic, and the good old Bears are going to leave with a clobbering, a lifetime of memories and a very big check.

I hope the batteries in your remote are good, ‘cuz you’re gonna want to switch this game quickly and start looking for more fascinating football. Larry’s loser – Central Arkansas

San Jose State at Auburn – Yes, they are West Coast Spartans, but these sissy sword slingers are not the USC version, the third class cousins from another part of California.

So when you realize what a cupcake clash this is, not even someone who has a son on the team can stand to watch the worthlessness, so it’ll be onto bigger and better broadcasts on your big screens.

So even though there might be tough times ahead for these Tigers, we haven’t a doubt who winds up on the losers list in this one and it’s sure to be San Jose State.

Southern at LSU – Chip Kelly is trying to get his Southern charm down pat after taking over these Tigers, but he won’t waste any of it on these joke of a Jaguar. They come to Baton Rouge with their hand out for a check and their butts out for a beating.

Folks, this is a cupcake clash that the Tigers could win with their Scout Team and it’s games like this that makes the SEC look so silly. But after looking silly themselves last week, the Tigers really need this win.

Not even a coach without a clue can’t screw up this game, so let’s not waste more time or ink on this one and just list up Larry’s loser as Southern.

Mississippi State at Arizona – The Muddy River Bulldogs bus on down to Desertville to waylay the woebegone Wildcats down in Cactus Country.

While this might not look like a cupcake clash on paper, the final scoreboard will make it look like one as the Mildcats use up all nine lives in this one.

After the fur stops flying in this one, it’ll only be cat fur covering the field and the easy pick in this one is Larry’s loser as Arizona.

Well, that’s it for this week folks, you can share this saga on your own pages and sorely wait till next week when hopefully the cupcake clashes come to an end and we have more men on men type football to enjoy.

Till then, remember what they taught you in Sunday School, Kindergarten and in your own home, because the first lessons you learned, were and always be the most important and let folks like me be the ones who pass the poo and laugh at losers.

But I can’t leave without showing you a photo that such a close 2nd place to the one I used.

Yep, the Longhorns go limp this week after a lot of smack talking!

_{LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME-TIME COMMENTS AT}  HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER

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