Wow sports fans! Last week had a few great games one shocker that not even Auburn’s biggest foes saw coming. Yes, no one in the media predicted the depths to which Auburn could suck, but we now know that on any given day they can suck a battleship through a milkshake straw. Except for that miss, we got them all right and even predicted the close upset by South Carolina over Kentucky. But this week, it’s rivalry week, and anything, well almost, can always happen.
So with the end of the regular season upon us, here’s our last full week of SEC’s losers for you laugh over. Can we end on the high note we’ve had most of the year? Read ’em and see.
Ole Miss at Mississippi State – The Lane train pulls into Starkvegas with eyes on an 11-win season and a premier bowl to party in, while the Dogs simply hoping for yet another upset in this since they’ve won three out of the last five.
But these aren’t Mike Leach’s Mutts anymore, in fact, we don’t know who’ll manage these Mutts next year, so we aren’t looking for a “win one for the Gipper” moment in this one. Not even the chance to make a bowl game with a win will give them the bite on these Rebels.
So we’ll list up Mississippi State on the loser’s list and pray for a great new coach and new beginning next season. This Egg Bowl won’t be scrambled.
Missouri at Arkansas – Well once again, “The Battle Line” is being fought and this year the Midwest Meeyowers mosey up to fight it in Fayetteville. These cool Cats have been the surprise team in the SEC this season and coach Drinkwitz deserves a drink in his honor for a quick turnaround for these tabbies.
On the other side of the line are the poor little Piggies who showed promise at times but just couldn’t keep enough foes from huffing and puffing and blowing them and their house down. And we don’t see any indication that they’ve come up with a solution to stop that in this game either.
So with a great ten-win season and a really nice bowl looking them in the face, these Tigers send the Pigs to the BBQ pits and will make Larry’s loser – Arkansas
Alabama vs Auburn – The prancing Pachyderms parade into the plains to pummel these Pussycats and send the home crowd home with their toilet paper once again. Last week they did get to use some of it after cleaning out the inside of their undies after crapping their pants against a non-division five school and paying them 1.85 million dollars to do it to them.
So to think they have a chance to beat Bama is a stretch that we just can’t make, and though they’ll throw everything and the kitchen sink into this game, they’ll still come up short and the Barners will limp into the Birmingham Bowl or some other bottom bowl .
There’ll be no prayer in Jordan Haire this week, at least not one made by the Worn Eagles that’ll be answered, so Larry’s loser is Auburn. This Iron Bowl is Bama’s.
Kentucky vs Louisville – The “Governor’s Cup” is up for grabs in the Bluegrass State this weekend when the Kitties from Kentucky come a calling in Louisville’s Bird house. Now you’d think that a fight between a cat and a bird would be one-sided, but you don’t know the whole story.
Last week these Kitties got pecked on by a Chickens and wound up on not on the winning side and though these little Birdies might be a might smaller than a Chicken, they’ve got sharp little beaks and know how to swarm.
So we’re going with the home team to bring the Cup to the coop and that’ll make Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Texas A&M at LSU – The aimless Aggies are going bowling without a full-time boss, but they’ve still got things they want to prove, so when they bus down to the Bayou to take on the Bengals, they’ll want to go out with a bang.
But the fact is LSU’s got a tricky Tiger at quarterback and they’re just a better bunch of ballers than those dirt Farmers from Texas. So we expect to see the Tigers send what’s left of the Aggies back to Texas with a lesson not to try to grab this Tiger by the tail.
And this outcome will put Texas A&M on Larry’s list of losers this week and we hope they get a new coach and a new identity soon.
Vanderbilt at Tennessee – Things just ain’t gone the way they thought they would for both of these teams from Hill Country. So when the sad sack Sailors from Song City go over Hardknocksville to vie with the Vols, one team will go out on a high note and one will go down with the ship yet again.
Eight wins gets the Vols to a decent bowl and two wins send you home for the holidays and that’s just the sad state of affairs in this game. We’d like to say that since Vandy’s won four of the last eight that they have a chance, and they do. I give them a one percent chance of winning.
So with this game in the unwatchable / who cares corner, let’s just put Vandy on the loser’s list and go on to more exciting contests.
Florida at Florida State – The Gators head up the freeway to tangle with those Tallahassians in War Paint and they better know now than later, that these Seminoles have been knowing how to deal with a Gator for generations.
Florida needs a hope and prayer win over their robust rivals to make it to a bowl game, and the Seminoles ain’t bringing no peace pipes for this party, as they need this win to get in the College Football Playoffs, cuz a loss to a bunch of gang green Gators won’t get them there.
So let’s put Florida out of their misery, put ’em on the loser’s list and let ’em enjoy the holidays at home, and give the Noles the Florida cup. Larry’s loser – Florida
Georgia at Georgia Tech – The “Clean, Old Fashioned Hate” game is in Hotlanta where the Dogs will play their last two games before any playoff games take place. The hosts, the Rambin’ Wreck, has lived up to their name and limp into bowl season with just six wins.
Now I’d like to tell you that this might be an entertaining game, but coach Kirby will more than likely be watching Alabama film during the game. Georgia Tech has the same chance of winning as me shooting the moon with my trusty .22.
So let’s just write down Georgia Tech in the loser’s list, wish them well in bowl season and go on to game with a little more anticipation.
Clemson at South Carolina – The Palmetto Bowl takes place in the biggest congregation of Cluckers this side of the KFC distribution center, and that is a mighty advantage to the Carolina Cluckers. Folks forget that Clemson’s been a big dog for a while, but the Gamecocks have won 6 out of the last 13 games, so they know how to pull off an upset like they did last season.
I think this could be the game of the night. Last week I said I’d pick the Cluckers to upset Kentucky and set up a wild game with Clemson that could get them in a bowl game and all that panned out. I want so bad for the Cluckers to pull this off and they might as this is a game that will ride entirely on big MO. Momentum will win the day and whoever has it in a close game will win.
I want to pick this pack of Peckers for another upset party so bad and I can sure see it happening, but Dabo’s just got a lot more talent on the other side of the field so my head not my heart is putting South Carolina on the loser’s list.
Well folks, that’s it from this season. This pack of picks comes to you from Princess’s Enchanted Princess cruise ship as she sails us around some islands off Europe’s coast and then home to Florida. It’s been a grueling 2 months of travel that has covered Greece, Turkey and everything in Italy and more, during football season, but the picks have exceeded anyone else’s who posts them publicly, so maybe my mind didn’t wander too far from football during all this, but I’ve made my poor wife happy who suffered so much during football seasons in the past.
We’ll be back next week with the SEC Championship predictions and then down the road with the College Football Playoff picks. Thank you for letting me share one more football season with you all. At 66, my writing days may be numbered, but I have a lifetime of memories and a ton of friends from all this and I thank you one and all.
Larry has been writing for over 25 years and his sports articles have been published in most all the leading sites. He was Bleacher Report’s number-one college football writer and was the senior writer for Touchdown Alabama.
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Alabama and the SEC 