Boy sports fans, you can sure tell this is the wild year we’ll remember… First the Covid crisis, now the upset bug pandemic! It’s just downright crazy the infestation of upset bugs we got flying around college football this year.
Poor ol’ coach O is about drained of blood from all those fluid sucking insects and now he’s looking more and more like a one hit wonder when it comes to championships. But some coaches are dealing with it a little better. Last week coach Gus at Auburn was trying to put on some upset bug repellent and got it in the eyes of the refs and they didn’t see his QB clock the ball backward. Boy talk about a creative use of upset bug repellent!
Well we’re just gonna have to go out on some limbs and see if we can’t think like the upset bug does and pick the places he’s gonna poke his needle nose into somebody’s backside. So let’s get to picking and predicting those prognostications perfectly.
Auburn at South Carolina – When the War Eagles flap their way North to the confines of the Columbia Chicken coop, they’re hoping to show these foul flappers who has the biggest pecker and leave there with a win.
But last week, Muschamps Mudhens finally found out where the endzone was they plan on continuing to visit it again this week while grounding the Worn Eagles and keeping them from getting too close to their own scoring stripe.
Auburn’s yo yo year continues as they head back down this week in the first upset of this Saturday, so that’ll make Larry’s loser in this one – Auburn
Kentucky at Tennessee – The Mildcats mosey on over to Tennessee this week to try and even up their record against the Vols. Now this pack of Pussycats was supposed to have a little more fight under their fur than they’re showing so far and they’re hoping to get their groove back this week by upsetting the boys in orange.
Now this one could go either way, but we’re thinking the upset bug’s gonna be at the other 12 o’clock game and that this one might go uninfested.
While Tennessee ain’t back like they hoped, they’re back enough to handle this pesky pack of pussycats and if the upset bug stays busy elsewhere, that’ll make Larry’s loser – Kentucky
Ole Miss at Arkansas – When the Rebels take the bus up to Fayetteville to wrestle with the Razorbacks, they figure they’ve got the firepower to push these little piggies up and down the field all day and pile on the points.
But the boys in Lost Wages, Nevada see it different as do this red pack of Piggies and they plan on doubling their win total and not being the sorry swine that everybody thought they’d be this season.
But while we don’t make the money the boys in Lost Wages do, we do pick with a higher percentage of perfection and we just see too many visits to end end zone for the Rebels and lots of pork ribs on the barbeque after this one, so let’s just make Larry’s losers in this one, Arkansas
LSU at Florida – It didn’t take long for LSU to stand for Losing Surely University after last season’s championship, so when they swaray from one swamp to another this week, they’re hoping to get these proud Pussycats back on the pigskin winning column and end all this nasty one-hit wonder talk.
Meanwhile, the Gators drag into town after getting absolutely bludgoned by the upset bug last week and they’re anxious to show everyone that it was just just a flukish folly by these footballers and that they’re just as tough as the hide on their Gator backsides.
Both these ballers have something to prove, but it’s a better position to try and prove you won’t lose again than to try and prove you don’t suck as much as everyone says you do. Unfortunately, they do suck that bad and once again Larry’s losers will be LSU.
Texas A&M at Mississippi State – Mike’s Mutts entertain the Agricultural Club that also plays football to the Dog Pen in Starkvegas this weekend, but they won’t be wagging their tails and putting on a friendly Fido show for these Texans.
Now these pack of Pooches started the season with a sensational showing, but since then everyone’s figured out how to pay zone defense and just watch these Bulldogs blow up.
Fresh off a big win, the biggest of the Fisher fishing fiasco in College Station, these Aggies figured they’ve turned a corner. And while we ain’t too sold on that assumption, we do think they’ll pummel this poor pack of pooches. Larry’s loser – Mississippi State
Vanderbilt at Missouri – The crumbling Commodores that have had more ships shot out from under them than a North Atlantic convoy come a calling in Columbia and are hoping for just one day of fair winds and smooth sailing.
But these Missourian Meyowers aren’t about to hold out a helping hand and intent heave ho these hapless sailors back into the water and let the briny biters therein do with them as they will.
They say every dog has it’s day, but I’ll be surprised if these sad sailors from Song City have one, so it’ll be another week to laugh as we list ’em up as losers once again. Larry’s loser – Vanderbilt
Georgia at Alabama – The Red Clay Hounds rove over to Tuscaloosa to take on Tusked Ones and try to finally topple the Tide.
Now Kirby’s Canines have heretofore pulled off a perfect season, but not without some doubters saying that these ain’t the same Dogs they used to be and that they have more fleas than past seasons.
But so do the Tide have their troubles as teams have run through their defense like a guy with diarrhea runs through clean underwear and it’s just as crappy to watch. And speaking of having to watch it, Saban will be be watching his team’s warfare from the confines of his own couch at home more than likely. While the upset but bug didn’t get him yet, the Corona bug sure did.
They say this is the game of the week and it will be and while I’m doubting the Tide can keep the Canines off the board, I’m sure they can win it if it becomes a track meet cuz an Elephant never forgets where the endzone is. Larry’s loser – Georgia
Well, that’s it for this week folks! We hope you not only enjoyed this list of losers, but will post it on your own pages and encourage your friends to favor us with a read as well.
Until next week, we hope the only bug that gets you is a ladybug and that the old legend goes it will bring you good luck!
So good luck with cheering on your own champion, stock up on the snacks and sweets and if you got some real goodies, don’t forget to us to partake in your party with you. All fans are good ones.
LARRY BURTON HAS BEEN PUBLISHED IN ALMOST EVERY MEDIA OUTLET FOR COLLEGE SPORTS. HE WRITES THIS ARTICLE IN A COLLOQUIAL AND IRREVERENT STYLE FOR THESE SERIES OF ARTICLES. LARRY’S VIEWS AND SENSE OF HUMOR MAY OFFEND, BUT HE AIMS TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY. IF HE HASN’T INSULTED YOUR FAVORITE TEAM WITH LARRY’S LOSERS, JUST WAIT. FOLLOW LARRY ON TWITTER FOR INSIDE THOUGHTS AND FUNNY GAME TIME COMMENTS AT HTTPS://TWITTER.COM/LBSPORTSWRITER
Alabama and the SEC 